Monday, March 24, 2008

The Proper Spanking

There are as many perspectives on what constitutes a "proper spanking" as there are people who engage in the activity. We each have our individual tastes, styles, and methods. I can only tell you what mine are like.

To me, a proper spanking has six stages, each of which are critical to the success of the entire event. They are:
  1. Anticipation
  2. Resistance
  3. The Moment of Surrender
  4. The Warm Up
  5. The Actual Spanking
  6. The Conclusion

Most spankings are enhanced when there's a period of anticipation, be it a few minute or a full day or more. The anticipation sets the stage for a good spanking.

During anticipation, the spankee has time to contemplate what's going to happen, to wonder how she will take it, to think about how it will feel, to be curious and anxious about the methods, duration, position, and severity of the upcoming spanking.

Anticipation can occur when we are together, or when we are apart. You might know, for instance, that you are going to be spanked on an upcoming Friday, and spend the intervening time playing out the scene over and over in your mind.


To me, most proper spankings include a period of active resistance by the spankee, who may plead, bargain, avoid, taunt, verbally joust, or otherwise attempt to delay the inevitable. As a spanker, I enjoy overcoming and managing resistance and feel the time is well spent - it fuels my fire, so to speak. A resistant spankee is much more compelling than someone who simply accepts her fate and meekly complies.

The moment of surrender

There comes a moment when all hope of evading punishment is lost, when it is clear that you will have to submit, that the time for talking, bargaining, pleading innocence, making empty promises, and offering insincere apologies is over. This is a sweet moment - altogether fleeting and brief, but critical. It is the final moment before the spanking begins.

The Warm Up

Skipped or ignored by many spankers, this is the time to properly prepare your bottom for what is to follow. It begins with a series of light-to-medium hand spanks, delivered over the skirts or pants, followed by a raising of the skirt or lowering of the pants to reveal your panties for the first time. There will be slightly pink skin exposed for the first time. The warm up stings, yes, but it is quite bearable.

The Actual Spanking

Volumes have been written about this phase. There are choices to be made about positions, implemenets, severity, duration, and even what behavior is acceptable on the part of the spankee (can you rub your tush? kick your feet? etc.).

I prefer you over my knee most of all, or perhaps bent over a sofa or ottoman, or lying on your tummy on a bed or sofa.

I prefer using my hand most of all. Implements I like are the paddle, the strap, the hairbrush, and the belt. Of course not all spankings involve all implements! Decisions about which to use are made in the moment, depending on the offense and how the spanking is going.

What about severity and duration? How hard do I spank, and for how long?

I am a caring but firm partner who works hard to determine what is needed. I do not abuse my spankee, but I do try to take them to their self-perceived limit -- and perhaps just a little beyond.

I have given hard spankings which lasted throughout an evening, with occasional breaks for reprise or refreshment. These may not be typical, but they do happen. Some spankers are sprinters, some are marathoners. I guess I'm more of the latter.

That said, when it is over, it's over. I don't spank past that point. How do I know when it's time to quit? Experience. I just do.

By the way, you should have a "safe word" that means STOP NOW! I have never refused a request for a safe word, and I have never had one used. I do know what I'm doing!

In terms of your behavior during a spanking, let me say this: I like an active spankee and I deal with what comes up, like kicking, squirming, reaching back, sassing, whining, complaining, and so on. I like to see response to the spanks. You should know that whining and complaining only increases the punishment, so feel free!

If you clench your tush in anticipation of the next smack you will soon learn that I can wait until you relax. If you try to anticipate the rhythm or location of the next spank, I will be unpredictable in both speed, target and frequency.

The Conclusion

When a spanking is over, it's over. There may (or may not) be some corner time to let the lesson sink in. There might be a "cool down" hand spanking that gets lighter and lighter as time progresses. There will also be a period of intimate connection; you'll be held, comforted, soothed. I spank from a place of love and respect and connection, not from a place of anger.

We might cuddle, we might sit quietly and hold hands, we may even make love. If this is a disciplinary spanking, when it's over, it's over. You've been punished and we now move on. I don't hold on to whatever you did that earned you a trip over my knee. You did it, you were spanked for it, and it's now in the past.

To summarize

A proper spanking must be hard enough and long enough to make a lasting impression on you. You must know that you've been thoroughly and completely spanked. Your bottom will be red, and it will sting for a while. You must feel as though you've completely surrendered yourself to me and had no control over the process (while, at the same time, having complete trust that I am competent, honorable, and assertive). You will probably feel as though you can never take another spanking like this one, and yet, a while later, wonder what you have to do to get another one just like it.


  1. Hi There,

    I am PrettyDDGirl and I commented on your posts here and there. I apologive for posting this note to your comments but I could not locate an email address for you on your blog.

    As Sara mentioned in her recent post, Recently, I started my own blog, Cultivated Discipline and it has proven to be a new-found joy. I am writing to you because I regularly read you blogs and I wanted you to know I mentioned you today in a blog post.

    I decided long ago, I was tired of being cloistered. Love me, love my kink and I have allowed several of my closest friends and my sister's to view the blog. Their responses have been, ahhh, amusing to say the least. But they have lots of questions and I thought what better way for them to learn about power exchange relationships than from people who participate in them. In the above noted post I tried to answer their questions and direct them to the people I have found most,,,open. I wanted to them to see real people and so I steered them to the people I read. I hope you do not mind.

    Also, I want to add you to my blog roll, since you are who I read, I want the girls to be able to find you fairly easily. I am not requesting a reciprocal link, just wanted to make sure you were okay with my actions.

    Lastly, I still write stories. I keep them in a link off the main blog. I did not want some poor unfortunate finding themselves in my stories unless they absolutely intended to be there, :). It is here

    I hope you have the opportunity to stop by and visit sometimes. I have found some of your writing so deeply evocative of this life, I hope you enjoy mine as well.

    :) Pretty @ Cultivated Discipline

  2. I would loved to be spanked properly. It is a shame that I know no-one to do it.

  3. I wouldnt mind having a relationship like that. Infact I would love to have one like that. I hope I can find a guy just like that, one day. It would be nice to have someone to care enough for me, to to that.

  4. Hi I am really geting a kick out of reading your blog. Its great! I want to add you to my blogroll.....

  5. I desperately need a woman to give me a thorough spanking! I want to feel a leather paddle, strap, hairbrush and maybe even the cane. I want to be spanked until I'm crying. Why is it so hard to fine someone to do this for me?

  6. It is really quite odd. Several decades ago, there was very little advice on spanking. Yet, when the need arose, most couples knew what was expected from each other. A woman knew that, one way or another, her pants were coming down. And, back then, there were no "safe words". It's just the way things were.

    Quite a few young women wound up marrying a man after he gave her a bare bottom spanking when she really deserved it. Getting spanked at the right time was one way to find out if a man really cared. How a man did it said a lot about him. How a woman took it said a lot about her.

    Of course, times have changed. Men and women have forgotten how to settle their differences without benefit of intermediaries and formal rules of engagement. Men no longer seem to know when a woman really needs a spanking and women seem to have forgotten how to subtly signal a man that the time has come to do it. It's actually sad because these things used to flow so naturally.

  7. i'd love to be spanked properly but i know nobody to do it and i've been bad ever since i was 4 years old and i need spanked.

  8. My boyfriend just spanked me tonight. Something about calling him...doll? I think?. Anyways, I got the messege. I loved every bit of it. I need accountability for my actions. I'm terribly forgetful and disobedient sonetimes...Most of the time, I'm a good girl:) I always prove it:)