Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Things are looking up!

In my last post, A Swing and A Miss, I talked about a misadventure that took place when I forgot that D/s relationships are about TWO people, not one. I was so into my Dommie head that I really ruined an evening.

Well, since then, things are really looking up!

Let me count the ways...

  1. I've gotten back into the sweet sensations that come from delivering a warm up. I'd forgotten how delicious it can be, as a way of "conditioning" D's bottom for a proper spanking, as a way of building anticipation, and as a way of extending the experience and making it last longer. She can take a longer spanking if she's warmed up, and I LOVE long spankings! But it's more than that…it's about taking a few moments to stop and touch the roses, so to speak. To let that beautiful sight of D's bare bottom flow into my headspace. To see the naked pallet awaiting some color. It's really sweet, and I am glad that I'm back in touch with all the possibilities of the warm-up.
  2. We brought home a new spreader bar the other day and gave it a whirl. Whoa! We love it. I can position D over some pillows on the bed, and restrain her legs with cuffs attached to the bar. This leaves her vulnerable and that really pushes my Dom buttons. I love ass-play, so what better way to position her for everything from licks and fingering, to feathers and necktie rubs, to butt plug play, and, of course, to spankings, paddlings and the like. I love combining the spreader bar with a blindfold, soft music, and a toy box nearby. (Of course, it can also be disconcerting when her cat perches himself on the bed to get a better view!)
  3. We snuck in a spanking in a public place that was so delicious. We were involved in a small theatrical production and arrived at the theatre one day before anyone else. We had a key and let ourselves in. Inside the deserted theatre, on the stage, in full view of the front door where other cast/crew members were due any second, I took her over my knee. At first, she plopped right down with a mischievous grin over my lap. But you should have seen the look on her face when I ordered her to stand so we could lower her pants -- and no panties underneath! She got a great hand spanking. I could see the door and knew we would have JUST enough time to "make everything right" if someone came in -- but she couldn't. And the sounds of the smacks echoing throughout the cavernous room were incredible.
So yes, I blew it the other day. But once we'd talked, and I came to my senses, we're definitely back on track and enjoying our wonderful relationship all the more.

Thanks for your patience, D! I love you!!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

A Swing and a Miss

The other night, I decided to give D a good, hard, long spanking. For no particular reason, I recall. I even tweeted about it, teasing D from a distance (knowing she'd be reading my tweets), asking my Twitter friends for "the top three reasons I should spank D tonight."

I was feeling particularly "Dommie" that night. I was a little drunk with the whole power exchange dynamic. Unfortunately, I was NOT being a good partner, and certainly not a good listener. When I look back on that evening, it was all about me, and that doesn't make for a good dance in any relationship -- top/bottom or even pure vanilla.

But, as I say, I was full of myself. And D is a good sub, sometimes to her detriment as well. She complies; she does what I ask her to do.

So I got to D's house and commenced spanking her on the sofa. Warmup? What warmup? I'm a Dom, dammit! I'll warm you up if I want to! I began whacking with my bare hand, pretty damn hard.

Then I took her into the bedroom and brought out an implement or two. I continued spanking her bare bottom, now focusing on her upper thighs. Drawing even more energy from my Dommie mindset, I wailed on D. It was a long, drawn out affair.

And through it all, I paid little if any attention to how D was responding. Sure, she took the spanking. And sure, she moaned and squirmed and pleaded for me to stop -- especially on her thighs. But I was so caught up in my so-called "dominance" of D that I completely failed to do what's so important to me (and to her): listening and responding to the cues that she was giving me.

Eventually, I tired, and it began to dawn on me that the scene had been one-sided. I began to realize that there was nothing happening here except me smacking like a madman. Even I wasn't getting anything from it. There was no sense of intimacy, no closeness, no connection, nothing.

It took some time to process what had happened, but we did, that very evening. Our conversation covered some important issues -- trust, compliance, even (what became clear) a difference of understanding about safe words.

To her credit, D took some responsibility for what happened, and I deeply appreciate that, but I must take the lion's share. A good D/s relationship doesn't exist so that the Dom can flail away on his sub. At least, that's NOT the kind of Dom I want to be (nor even believe myself to be). I had let D down, and I had let myself down. How can I be in control of a scene when I'm not in control of myself?

With the passing of some time, I have more perspective. If you've read my last post, you'll know that we are really just beginning a journey into something deeper than spanking. We'd signed up for FetLife, we'd begun exploring all kinds of new possibilities in our heads, in our conversations, and in our web explorations. I got so caught up in all that I became a child in a candy store.

The good news -- no, the great news is that D and I are able to talk it out. Not that it's easy, and not that it's fun, and not that we don't make false starts and stops. For instance, she pointed out that she'd told me several times previously how much she really hates being spanked on her thighs. I thought I'd listened to that. But no, what I'd done is translate that into, "being spanked on my thighs hurts like crazy, but it can really take me into subspace."

She finally penetrated my thick skull when she talked about the differences, for her, between the physicality of D/s play, and the "mind-fuck" of it all. And lo and behold -- once again, it turns out we're on the same page (but I didn't realize it). What sends her into subspace isn't being a pain slut, it's having her mind wrapped around letting go of controlling what's happening. She's not adverse to pain (believe me, I know this from experience!) but it's not about the pain so much as it's about finding herself in a situation in which she's surrendering her will to mine.

And that's precisely the appeal of D/s to me.

I know there are Doms out there who will take vehement difference with my take on all this. They'll say that if they want to smack their sub's thighs, or do any number of other things, it's entirely up to them and the sub had better put up with it. So be it...that's between them and their partners.

But I know that what appeals to me is not about how much suffering and pain can I produce, but rather on how well I can play with her mind. Both D and I get as much D/s pleasure out of many things which have nothing to do with pain: me choosing her wardrobe for the evening, or whether she'll be allowed to have an orgasm when she nears climax, or, for that matter, whether or not she'll be spanked.

So I swung but I missed. And I learned a lot that evening. The journey continues...

The really good news? Today, we played with a spreader bar, a blindfold, a necktie, a paddle and my bare hand. We had a fabulous time. One of our best in quite a while.

Wanna hear about it?

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Our Evolution

Things are kicking up a bit. The winds of change are blowing. It's a wonderful, blustery "day" in our relationship...

If you've followed this blog for any time, you know that D and I met online, as a direct result of me starting this blog, about a year and a half ago. Emails and phone calls quickly morphed into face-to-face meetings in cities that lay between us. Wasn't long at all before D made the decision to move to my town. First plan was to move her here, get her a place, and begin seeing each other often.

That plan didn't last long. We made the decision to not only move her here, but to find a place to live together -- right from the get-go. We lived there for about a year in a wonderful, but painfully small place. Since we both work from home, we were essentially together 7/24 -- and that turned out to be a bit of a problem.

For that reason, and others, we almost broke up. We did move out into separate places, but realized we wanted to keep seeing one another. We were lucky to find new digs just a few blocks from one another, which gives us the best of both worlds -- alone time when we need it, and together time as often as we want.

Our relationship was begun with disciplinary and other kinds of spankings as a central tenet. We both love participating in erotic spankings, the occasional maintenance spanking, and, when warranted, strict disciplinary spanking.

We sorted out (and continue to sort out) the differences between all of these. We enjoy a good role play, and we also understand the difference between spanking for pleasure and spanking for discipline.

As time has passed, we have both begun to understand that we have deeper interests, in such things as bondage, rope play, collaring, and the like. D has a bit more experience in her past than me in these areas. She's quite clear she's a submissive, whereas I'm becoming clear that I'm a dominant, in a more complete sense than as "just" a spanker.

We made a few steps into BDSM in the past few months, particularly with rope play, which we both find really exciting. Thanks to the great videos at Twisted Monk, things have gone well. D also is proud to wear a collar "on demand" (and no pun intended.)

D recently visited with like-minded friends in another city, and went to a private spanking party as well as The Lair in Los Angeles, and it stimulated and awakened her interest in taking things to, as they say, another level. When she returned and we talked about her experience, something stirred in me as well.

So we're moving full speed ahead into a new arena. Our journey is going to take us into a Brave New World. D has decided to revitalize her dormant blog, and she'll give you her perspective on this adventure. I'll do my best to write about my experience here.

Already I can foresee times when this might be difficult. All of my preconceptions of what it means to be a Dom come into play -- that he is all-wise, that he's always in control, that he always knows exactly what he's doing. That's certainly not me, and it will certainly be curious to see how much I'm willing to reveal my own experience (or lack thereof!) while accepting and acting on who I really am. I don't want to hide behind a mask - I want to be authentic and real. What gives me energy and optimism about all this is my complete confidence in myself and what I bring to the table. So, it's more like learning to play a fine instrument. Only, in this case, I'm the instrument!

I remember when I first starting spanking. In the beginning, it was exhilarating (and still is) but I found myself unwilling to admit I was a "newbie." Fortunately, I was able to be honest with my first few partners and they were wonderful enough to accept me for who I was at that time, and I learned a great deal. I suspect this new journey will be similar in many respects.

I've purchased a book: Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns at the recommendation of the great staff at my favorite kink store. We plan to read it together. We've decided to start attending local munches and we've both signed up on FetLife.

So that's what's new with us. I'll keep you posted! And, if you have suggestions, or links, or tips for us, let me know. I'd particularly be interested in any blogs written by male Doms who have described their own journey from newbie to master.

Monday, November 23, 2009

We're back!

This has to be brief because I'm about to leave for an appointment. Wanted to say, just simply, "We're back!"

You know, vanilla life has a way sometimes of interfering with things. But both D and I are back on track, as good as ever.

Stay tuned; I'll keep you updated soon!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

A Pause in the Action

Have I really not posted since Love Our Lurkers Day? Whoa.

Be that as it may, I'm writing today about our "pause in the action."

Both D and I are dealing with some challenges right now, some professional, and many personal. Family stuff, health stuff, financial stuff, what's next kind of stuff, etc. You know. I'm sure you've been there too.

So our "normal" relationship dynamics have been put on hold while we each (and both) sort things out.

I'll keep you posted as things evolve. Cross your fingers for both of us!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

It's Love Our Lurkers Day!

As Bonnie has written in her wonderful blog:

Welcome, my friends, to our fourth annual Love Our Lurkers Day! This is our community's opportunity to share the love with our silent readers. I know from my statistics that there are thousands of readers of this blog who have never left a comment. If this sounds familiar, then today is for your day.

During last year's event, 87 spanking-oriented blogs posted LOL messages and they received 1,971 comments. Better still, we met many, many great people. Quite a few remain regular readers to this day. Several have become successful bloggers in their own right.

This year, we invited 231 bloggers to participate! And it's all for you.

Update: We now have 123 participating bloggers. Many have clever incentives to encourage de-lurking.

So how about it?

This blog isn't one of the biggies. It ain't one of the most popular. It's just my little corner of the world, and I'm always a little behind in keeping it current.

That said, I'd LOVE to hear from a lurker or two. Who are you? Why do you read this blog? What would you like to see me write about?

Hope to hear from you!

We were all lurkers once. Even me. Especially me. I urge you to "delurk" today, even if you want to go back into hiding tomorrow.

Hope to hear from you!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

A question: How do you handle situations like these?

A while back D and I were out of town on a combination business/pleasure trip. It came to pass that we were in our hotel room, late one evening, when I commenced spanking her lovely bottom.

Problem was (I discovered after we talked about it later), she just wasn’t into it at the time. Now, this is a pretty rare event. And we have a “ground rule” that seems to work just fine most of the time: I spank her whenever, wherever, and for whatever reason I want.

And she inevitably responds like any good spanko. She protests; she wriggles and kicks and reaches back, she tries to distract me, she tries talking her way out of it, and so on. We both love that. Of course, it never works.

But this particular evening, she just wasn’t into it. She is very conscious of not topping from the bottom, so there was no way (she could think of at the moment) to tell me that it wasn’t working for her. And, after all, there’s the ground rule in place.

After a few smacks, she just went limp. She surrendered to the experience – no, she resigned herself to the experience, but almost immediately, I lost the desire to spank her. I do not like spanking a non-responsive person. And note, I’m not talking about the sublime experience when a spanko slips into sub-space and stops protesting. This was clearly different.

So I stopped, and shortly afterwards, we went to sleep. We talked about it the next day. We both agreed that if she’d used her safe word, that would have been inappropriate, because she wasn’t in that space. She would have accepted the spanking as long as I wanted to deliver it. But she was just getting nothing from it. (Why? My guess is she was in a low point emotionally, for reasons not connected to the spanking, and couldn’t get past that.)

We’ve talked about it some more, and think we need to come up with some way for her to let me know that, in certain limited and unusual circumstances, she just doesn’t want to be spanked, without violating our ground rule. She doesn’t want to top from the bottom, and she certainly doesn’t want to do this very often. In fact, if my memory serves me correctly, this is really the first and only time that this has happened.

So, I guess I’m asking for advice. How do you handle this kind of situation? Should we come up with a special kind of safe word for these situations? I’m not into spanking her unless on some level it’s good for both of us (and we define “good” very differently, of course). I’m fine with letting it go for the moment and returning to spanking later – the next day, later that evening, whatever.

But I can’t read her mind; I can only go by the non-verbal signals she sends. And these can be confusing. I did get the message when she simply went limp and I could tell it wasn’t sub-space because the spanking had barely begun and it was highly unlikely.

Your thoughts?

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Spanking in Public

There are many reasons I like to go to Shadowlane parties. It’s a wonderful time with D, in part because our spankings that weekend are even more fun, or more intense, or both.

I like going because I’ll be surrounded by like-minded people for 48 hours, and I will probably make some new friends (that’s happened both years now).

I enjoy seeing what’s for sale at the Vendor’s Fair. We made a terrific purchase once again.

And, to be completely honest, I love seeing people get spanked.

That’s why suite parties are so special – people (who want to play) get spanked, both privately and in full view of the others. Sometimes playfully, often quite hard. Sometimes on their panties, and often on the bare.

I love it.

I came to realize this year that what’s particularly exciting for me is to see D getting spanked by someone else. It’s really the only way I get to see her facial expressions and her body language from a distance. The first time, I wasn’t sure I’d like it. Hey! That’s MY lady you’re spanking! But that didn’t last long at all, partly because I could tell that D loved it so much.

Last year, we did a private scene, in which another couple came to our room and gave D a sound thrashing for being a recalcitrant school girl. She was dressed exactly right for her part. They played a principal and teacher who had had it with D, and determined that she needed to be spanked for her naughty behavior. I was mostly outside of the scene, being a teacher (if I remember) who had turned her in. It was, for the most part, a three-person scene with me as a witness. (Of course, I egged them on throughout!)

It was fantastic. D earned an academy award, in my opinion, but so did the other couple, who were always in character, and who weren’t, shall we say, willing to spare the rod. They both got their licks in and they know how to spank!

This year, neither of us played a private scene with anyone. Instead, we went to, and hosted our own suite parties, where there is little role play but lots of spankings. I started us off at the first party, taking D into the kitchenette and giving her bottom a sound thrashing with a small paddle. It was really a “semi-public” spanking because the rest of the guests could only see us from about the shoulders up (over the counters) from their seats in the living room. Of course, they could hear all the smacks and reactions.

Soon after, a top needed a volunteer to take a spanking with his giant rice stirring paddle. I nudged D and helped volunteer her. It was thrilling to watch her walk over to take her place bent over a sofa, her skirt lifted. I watched the whole spanking sitting in front of her, seeing every expression on her face. I loved it. (And so did she, by the way…)

Later at the same party, I met someone I had corresponded with beforehand, and she made it clear she deserved to be taken over my lap. We retreated to the bedroom and I got down to business. Moments later, her husband had D by the hand, and he led her to the same room and proceeded to give her a spanking as well. (Not hard enough, she ‘fessed to me later.)

At one point, there were four spankings going on in that bedroom, which had two large beds and a chair. It was fantastic!

In our own suite party, we played a “Newlywed Game” that I created for spanking couples. There were no prizes or consequences; it was just a great way to get to know one another. But when it ended, one top stood up and said he wanted a door prize. Moments later he walked over to D, took her hand, and led her into the bedroom for a spanking. I loved it! (Again, so did she!)

It’s highly unlikely that I’ll deliver an authentic, panties down, bare bottom spanking to D in a real public setting, no matter how delicious the fantasy. I do value not getting arrested, and so does she!

But at Shadowlane, I can scratch that itch. I can spank others, I can watch others being spanked. I can learn a few things from other tops (and even the bottoms). And I can enjoy seeing D spanked by someone else. I can’t quite put words on why that is so special to me, but it is.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Home from Shadow Lane

D and I are home from our second Shadow Lane Party in Las Vegas. We had a wonderful time!

We had planned to stay through Sunday night and return on Monday, but by Sunday morning, we were just all spanked out and decided to beat the traffic and come home a day early. Good decision. Traffic was not an issue and we arrived safe, sound, and happy.

There were so many highlights at this event for us that one post will not be sufficient. So I'll start with just a few:

The theme of the party was Back to School, and we tried to dress the part. For the first night, the Vendor's Fair, D was simply spectacular. She'd secretly purchased an authentic cheerleader's outfit and surprised me with it that night. The outfit was perfect.

These days, it's easy to get a "naughty" schoolgirl costume, but frankly, these are not my cup of tea. My fantasies aren't about naughty outfits, but rather about naughty cheerleaders. :-)

Hence, I prefer the classic, old style, pleated skirt real cheerleader outfit. Hers was exactly what I have in mind. A short pleated skirt, matching top and little white socks (with the logo of her favorite team, the 49ers). Her skirt looks just like the one at the top of this post.

She made a bow for her hair with ribbon that matched the stripes on the skirt. And the coup de grĂ¢ce was a pair of lacy white panties, like the ones at at the top:

After the Vendor's Fair, we attended a couple of Suite Parties, and every top who saw D's outfit was quite pleased. When they got a glimpse of those panties, they were universally apoplectic. :-)

The Suite Parties were a blast. D got spanked several times, and I delivered a few blisterings as well. I even got to spank Chelsea Pfeiffer, a "rock star" of the spanking world, while D was over the lap of Chelsea's husband Larry.

We met several couples and clicked with several who came to our own Suite Party (more on this in another post). We were delighted to meet and enjoy the company of several people who live fairly close by, so the opportunity for some more spanking fun between Shadow Lane parties is now an option.

All in all, we had an absolute blast. I must admit, our second Shadow Lane party exceeded our expectations and will be long remembered. More on subsequent posts...

Monday, August 31, 2009

Three Days to Go!

D and I will be leaving for the Shadow Lane party in three days, arriving Thursday evening so we're all settled in and relaxed by the time the party begins on Friday night.

We hope to meet early arrivals around the hotel's pool on Friday afternoon. We're planning to host a couples-only "suite party" on Saturday, and may have some running around to get the snacks and such.

I got the last item for my SL wardrobe last night. D says she's almost through -- I think she wants some shoes or something. It's time to start packing.

We've both been through a lot of regular stress recently, and we both need the break. It should be fun!

It will also be fascinating to see how things go at our second party, as distinguished from our first. Now we sort of know how things really work, I think. We'll see!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Importance of References or Referrals

One of the best and sometimes overlooked features of an organized spanking gathering such as the one we're about to attend hosted by Shadow Lane in Las Vegas has to do with personal references.

It's easy to go to your first party and become overwhelmed. 200-300 people, of all shapes, sizes, ages, and backgrounds, gathering in a hotel ballroom who share your interest. First timers, old timers, professional spanking models, singles, couples, you name it. For me, it was the first time I was surrounded in this way, and it was a very freeing experience. It was fun to look around the room and realize that every single person was into spanking. That had never happened before.

But – it's also a little intimidating! I have to imagine everyone there comes to play (although in many different ways, from public spankings to private suite parties, from playing with others to staying with their own partner, etc.). How does a newbie find a suitable partner to play with?

The answers come from those with experience, of course. What I read about last year on the bulletin board was the importance of "networking" before the party, by posting things on the bulletin board and by participating in the chatroom.

All well and good, and I did some of that. But it's a hard to way to really get to know anyone. Speaking for myself, it takes a face-to-face meeting and a little time to get to know someone in that context.

At the party, I stumbled into the next important tip: get references from the seasoned veterans! Now, this doesn't mean ask for resumes and a list of contacts. It means once you've met someone you like, who has experience, who seems to be on the same wavelength as you -- ask them who THEY like. They've probably played with many of the people there and had the time to evaluate who's "cool" and who isn't. (And, by the way, I mean "cool" to mean someone who is likely to be on the same page as you.)

Armed with a few referrals, you can find these people and introduce yourself, and let them know that Sandy or Rad or Jules or whoever suggested that you meet. There! The ice is broken, you've met someone who's highly likely to be someone you want to spend some time with, and if you choose to play, you've probably found someone who will be a great experience.

I learned pretty quickly that word gets around, and 200-300 people is actually quite a small group. Spankers and spankees who are rude, inconsiderate, strange, or otherwise not-ready-for-prime-time find that their reputations precede them very quickly. So, references and referrals will fall into two categories: you've got to meet So and So, and whatever you do, avoid So and So.

So, if you're going to Shadow Lane or some other party, ask around with the people who've got experience, and get referrals. It's the name of the game!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Thoughts before Shadow Lane

It's been dreadfully long since I've posted to my blog. My humble apologies. Much has been happening, but the truth is that I haven't made this as much a priority as it was in the past. That said, I'm back and posting again!

D and I are heading back to Shadow Lane for what will be our second party in a couple of weeks. We're both excited and confident that this year will be better than last, because now we know what to expect, what not to expect, and at least a bit more on how to make it a wonderful experience.

For those of you who've never attended a Shadow Lane spanking party, I'll just say this: It's an amazing experience. From the feeling you get being in a group of a couple of hundred people who share your (usually hidden) kink, to seeing all the vendors with their wares on display, to witnessing a few public spankings (which always surprise me, for some reason!), to going to some marvelous "suite parties," and especially, to making new friends and playing with others, it's all good.

So here we are, getting ready for Party #2. They've chosen the perfect theme for the dinner: Prom Night. D is busy figuring out what she'll wear, and I've already purchased a new shirt and tie that will be perfect for the evening.

One of the things that I'm most looking forward to is reconnecting with some folks we met last year (has it really been a year already?). We do keep in touch with email and Twitter, but getting back together face to face (or other positions, of course!) will be wonderful.

This year, I intend to play more than last year. I was a bit reserved, trying to get a feel for the proper etiquette and protocol. This year, now that I think I understand most of that, I'll let my confidence kick in. D and I will be hosting our first suite party, AND we've reached out to find couples who want to play as couples. That should be fun. I've even invented a dice game for that event.

Anyway, I'm back to blogging, and will be posting things related to Shadow Lane in the next few posts. If you're going to the party, let me know (comment below!) and let's connect.

Hugs and smacks!

Friday, June 12, 2009

An email I sent D

An email I sent D last night...


As you can see, I stayed up a little late after I came home. But before I go to bed, I want to tell you how special last night was, from start to finish.

It wasn’t so much what happened, where we went, or what we did, but it has more to do with how close I feel to you, and how much I want to take this journey with you.

There’s just something about that collar. It’s such a powerful symbol. When you wear it, I feel completely connected to you. We are as one, as they say.

It’s not that without the collar I don’t feel these things, it’s just that with it, I feel them more strongly. More completely.

The words aren’t coming out as I might like them to come. So I’ll close for now, thinking of you as I drift off to sleep.

Know that you are loved, deeply.


Saturday, June 6, 2009

The First Lesson

Thursday night, D and I began our exploration of a collared relationship. She's posted her account of what happened in her own blog, the Story of D.

Bottom line (pun intended): It was a wonderful evening.

One of the things we're both attracted to is rope play. We'd purchased some Japanese rope for this occasion, and I looked forward to using it.

But – I am not an expert in knotting. I nearly flunked out of Boy Scouts as a Tenderfoot because I couldn't tie the knots. I'm easily frustrated by tangles of cords, which seem to get more tangled when I try to straighten them out.

And the last thing I wanted to do was begin our exploration by screwing up the knot tying!

So, the day before I found a website, Twisted Monk, which has a terrific series of videos aimed at teaching the beginning Dom how to tie good knots. I spent some time trying to memorize the turns and twists of the rope but realized I needed some actual, real-time practice to get it right. And I didn't want to leave anything to chance during our first session.

So...I bought some cheap clothesline for practice. Lacking a living model, or even a mannikin to practice on, I found the next best thing: two dining room chairs. Perfect! They would be patient, they wouldn't notice if I messed up, and they would be quiet afterwards!

Turns out, the knots I was practicing were pretty simple. The picture you see is my final effort. I did that one several times until I could do it easily without fumbling.

D has done a great job summarizing how the evening went, so I thought I'd keep my post about how the rope portion went. It was fantastic! I felt confident, D loved the feel of the Japanese ropes, and we both enjoyed some of the possibilities that unfold when she's bound, wrist to wrist and ankle to ankle.

In my comments to D on her post, I admitted to having some "stage fright" before we began. This was positive nervous energy, because I wanted our first experience to be "as good as it gets." More than anything, I wanted both of us to conclude afterwards that we'd found something special and wanted to do it again. And again. And again.

The stage fright energy quickly morphed into Dom energy and the evening unfolded beautifully. D is a terrific sub, obeying each request, command or instruction to the letter. Well, almost. She slipped once and made (forbidden) eye contact. That cost her some serious spank time at the kitchen counter.

Anyway, it was a great evening and we followed up with another the very next night. D is not collared 7/24, but it's clearly going to become a major part of our life.

She had asked what to call me when she wore the collar. I told her, "Sir." I also told her I did not want to be called Master, for a couple of reasons. Perhaps the most important is that I don't see myself as a Master Dom by any means. I'm at the beginning of the journey.

I know I've lots to learn, and I know I have both the disposition and the capacity to get very good at it. So for now, she'll show her respect by calling me Sir. Works for me!

I may be a beginner, but something has stirred in me, that's been there probably since childhood. I'm a beginner in terms of technique but not in terms of character. I know that now.

And the best is yet to come!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Exploring Dominance and Submission: The First Lesson

Tomorrow night, our relationship will probably change forever.

In the year that I have known (and lived with) D, we have explored spanking and Domestic Discipline many times. I've spanked D countless times, from playful swats while she gets dressed or does the dishes, to romantic spankings we call "Venetians" (because that's where, in Las Vegas, I delivered the first of that kind, to no-nonsense full disciplinary spankings.

I spanked her in every room of the house, in every conceivable position, and in many other places as well. I mean, c'mon -- I even spanked her in five road side rest stops along the trip when we moved her to my home city.

But we never really took a step that we have both come to realize is quite important to both of us: authentic Dominance and Submission. Tomorrow night that all changes.

I've bought D a collar similar to the one pictured above. Tomorrow night, I shall place it around her neck for the first time, and we will take our relationship to a new level throughout the evening.

I've given her a list of "expectations and preparations" so she'll be ready for the evening (I'll be coming to her house). She knows exactly what time to expect me to arrive, she knows she can dress however she wishes until she's collared (and after that her clothing choices will be determined by me). She knows what should be prepared for dinner.

She knows we'll have a collar ritual to begin the evening, including champagne, music, a fire in the fireplace, and a new candle we'll light as we begin.

She knows that tomorrow is the First of her Lessons on D/S. The focus will be on:
  • Learning to submit and surrender
  • Boundary management
  • Building trust
I'm planning a full evening of pleasure and pain, of sex and spankings and a few new things which will allow her to explore her commitment to be a complete Submissive, and mine to be her Dom. I suspect it will be an amazing evening, one neither of us is likely to forget for a long time.

I find myself tonight very aware of my own power and confidence and even a stirring sense of arousal, and fully aware of the responsibility I bear to lead this experience in such a way that D will experience having her boundaries tested, leaving her wondering if she can possibly take another minute of it, while realizing afterwards she can't wait for Lesson Two.

I'm so proud to announce...

D has launched her own blog, the Story of D!

Now that we're in two houses, living independently from one another, she wanted to start her own blog to chronicle her continued journey into the world of spanking, domestic discipline, and now, dominance and submission.

I proudly encourage you to check out her blog and follow her story. By reading this blog, and by reading D's blog, you'll get both sides of our story as we explore our unfolding relationship.

We've both come to realize we want to discover the possibilities of a dom/sub relationship, because we believe this will take us to a deeper commitment, a stronger love, and a more complete expression of who we are, both individually and as a couple.

I'm thrilled she has started blogging; I'm as curious as anyone about how she describes her experiences.

So please, give her blog a read, and help her feel welcome to the blogging community by leaving a comment from time to time. Comments are always welcomed!

Sunday, May 31, 2009

It is what it is...and what it is is good.

Just over a year ago, D and I met for the first time. She'd found this blog; she emailed me, we began a whirlwind of emails, texts, and video instant messaging.

Within a short period of time, we were moving D to my home town, and we debated whether to get her an apartment (and I keep mine) or just skip that step and move in together immediately. We chose the latter.

We found a wonderful home to rent -- small but filled with terrific features, like a huge bathtub that could be surrounded by candles, a fantastic kitchen (D is a great cook!), and beautiful "nooks and crannies" that gave the home real personality.

We spent nearly a year in this place, "madly" in love and learning about one another, exploring a HOH relationship, and enjoying great spanking and love-making. And then, it all began to unravel.

At first, D was reaching a conclusion we just weren't really suited for one another in the long run. She wanted to move out, and probably end the relationship as well. That was definitely a wake up call!

But, after some long, candid talks, we realized that the real problem came from living together in our little house. We both work from home, and the reality of being together nearly 7/24 in a relatively small space meant that neither of us had much "alone time" and it was taking a toll.

In addition, D realized she'd missed the opportunity, after her marriage, to "spread her own wings" and make it on her own. Or, in other words, skipping the step of having two apartments had been a mistake. Not one that we regretted making, but one that needed correcting.

And so, we began looking for two places to rent, and to make a long story short(er), we found them -- just three blocks apart. The past month has been a lot of work in terms of moving, but has brought us both more joy than we could have hoped to experience.

We helped each other move. We helped each other shop for things we'd need (since we'd combined furniture and other things in the first house, we now would have to get new things to have two complete households). We had more fun than I would ever have predicted, and it's only gotten better ever since.

It's even gotten rather funny when we meet neighbors and try to explain our situation. "Ours is an unusual story," we start out. We try to explain that we'd been living together but now have chosen to live apart just a few blocks away from one another. Most of the time, whoever we're talking to offers a smile and the same homily: "Well, if it works for you, then it's for the best."

And you know what? That's absolutely true!

Since settling into our new homes, we've spent a lot of time together, sharing meals, helping each other decorate, watching a Netflix movie, or whatever. We're "dating." And our relationship is stronger, and closer, and better than ever.

It's great to come together and spend time doing whatever we want to do together. And it's also great to have a little nest to return to on our own, to unwind, to not have to worry about what the other person is thinking about what we're doing, and to set up to meet our personal taste.

For example, mine is an older home with a detached (and slightly leaning) garage with hardwood floors which has been remodeled but is still full of quirks and "unusual" features. It's perfect for me -- I feel relaxed and happy when I'm there. Hers is a modern, two-story townhouse with a modern garage (and garage door opener!), wall to wall carpeting, a fireplace and air conditioning. It's perfect for her. Her "stuff" really shines in this place, and as she puts it together, it really showcases her personality and taste.

The two places could hardly be more different, and yet they are both places where we feel terrific individually as well as when we're together.

We're quickly learning which places are better for spanking and love-making: each has it's advantages and disadvantages. Because they're just three blocks apart, it's easy to visit, and it's easy to "go home" afterwards.

As we've settled into Phase II of our relationship (dating and not living together) we've begun to explore and imagine how we can evolve together. While it's no longer a genuine or classic HOH relationship, it's actually becoming more fulfilling and exciting.

For instance, D is reflecting a lot lately on who she is, and what she wanted a couple of years ago in terms of her own desire to actualize her submissive self, and has noticed that there's been a change. I believe, but can't speak for D, that what's happened is that she's moved from a place of wanting to be openly submissive in a committed relationship as a way of moving out of the confinements and restrictions she felt in her life at that time, to a place of wanting to be openly submissive in a committed relationship as an opportunity to be able to let go, from time to time, of having to make all the decisions in her life.

You see, one of the things I love about D is that she is quite capable of running her own life. She has her own business, she's good at making friends, she acts on her goals and she moves forward. At the same time, there are things that D needs help with (and I'll let D share those if she wants), and she's confident enough to submit to me to set boundaries, clarify expectations and offer consequences when she screws up, knowing they will be delivered fairly and firmly, and knowing she'll grow and achieve more of her potential when she does so.

D always worries about "topping from the bottom," and I can understand this. But what we've begun to explore in depth is the symbiotic nature of the top/bottom relationship -- one can't exist without the other, and communication is the key to everything. As the bottom, D has actually helped ME grow as well, and that's not "topping from the bottom."

Who knows what the future will bring? I love D, and she loves me. We share a passion for this lifestyle, and for each other. We're sure to make our share of mistakes (individually and together) along the journey, but if we can honor our commitment to communicate honestly and openly, we'll be fine.

By not living together, we've been more keenly aware of how important it is not to take one another or our relationship for granted. What that means on a practical level, for example, is that there are less spankings but they're more intense and focused. We don't make love as often living apart, but our love-making is much more passionate than before.

I love you, D. I hope that we both continue to learn, to grow, to explore, and to become even more of who we are in the weeks, months, and years ahead.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Moving Day Approaches

We've both found new digs, and we are both eager to get through the move and get settled!

We'll be living just three blocks apart -- close enough to visit often, and far enough apart to have our own "space" and (oh, how I hate this phrase!) "quality alone time."

The new arrangement has been coming along nicely. D and I have gone furniture shopping for one another, bought a few things at Beds, Baths and Beyond (and found lots of things there that can be used for you know what!), and starting packing. In a couple of weeks, we'll be in our new homes.

I reflect often on how unpredictable life can be. One moment, we're up. The next, we're down and feeling overwhelmed. The next, back up again and ready to take on the world. I suppose there's some lessons here, but right now I'm too close to the situation to sort that out.

Mostly, I'm grateful for D in my life; I'm grateful for my own (and her) resilience, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to keep having this adventure we call Life.

Oh, and D is away briefly on a business trip. I can assure you she'll get a good, firm maintenance spanking when she returns!

Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Resurrection

What a month!

It began on a high point – or so I thought, when D and I celebrated our first anniversary on April 6th. We had a grand time and you can read about it in a previous post, below.

What I didn’t realize was that D was unhappy, and had been so for some time. She had reached the point where she believed we would probably have to “break up” as lovers. She left open the possibility that we could be friends afterwards, but that was it.

So, about a week after our anniversary, we had “the talk.” I was taken by surprise and could not believe my ears, but there it was – we were breaking up. Over the next 24 hours, my mind spun out of control. How could this be? What happened? What went wrong? How can I fix this? There were no answers.

And there was a practical concern as well. We were leasing a home together, we both work from the home so we’re together nearly 7/24, and the lease extended to the end of June. How would two people who had broken up their romantic, intimate relationship live together (let alone satisfy their professional responsibilities) for the next 10 weeks? How would we deal with any grief, anger, resentment, loneliness, and God knows what else?

As I write this post, I’ve tried to describe what happened next several different ways, but they all got to be too wordy. Let me just say this:

D moved out. I took a ride on the emotional roller coaster (as did D, I later found out). From the high on April 6th to a very, very low a week or so later. But fairly quickly, I decided I had to stop whining, stop feeling like a victim, and take action.

I went house hunting and found one immediately. I began to realize that I was close to accepting what had happened with D, and in the spirit of taking a risk I decided to see if there really was any possibility of emerging as friends.

I contacted D and invited her to dinner. She was coming back to our house anyway for a three day span when I’d be out of town, so she could pack some more. I suggested she come the night before (with no strings, no obligations, nothing except dinner and conversation). She accepted my offer.

It’s difficult to describe all the things that have happened since this dinner. Here’s some headlines:

We both found a house to rent, and they are three blocks apart.

We both are looking forward to our new digs. We’re even going to help each other move.

We have honestly kept our friendship alive, and in fact, it’s better now than ever. We may be as close as we’ve ever been.

We are going to continue to date.

In some ways, we think perhaps what we’re doing now is what we should have done in the first place when D moved to my city to be with me. She needs / wants the experience of being on her own, independent, strong, and capable. She needs to finish some psychological business with a previous marriage.

My understanding of what went “wrong” between us has changed as we’ve talked and sorted it out. To be sure, there ARE some differences between us that may be long-term issues, if we stay together. Then again, maybe not. But by moving in together so quickly after meeting one another, we settled into some routines which soon became habits which morphed (in some instances) into ruts. We were lovers, but we were already beginning to take each other for granted. And we spent far too much time together, leaving no “alone time” to reflect, digest, and understand how we felt about everything.

So, the bottom line: (no pun intended!) we’re still a couple. We’re moving forward in a way that I hadn’t imagined but now completely endorse. I’m excited; she’s excited. Will we be together in two years? Five years? Forever?

No way to know. Which would be true even if we were still living together. Or got married, for that matter. But by taking the action that we’ve taken, we really come alive and both feel vibrant, optimistic, and alive.

One more thing, to answer your unspoken questions. Yes, I’m still spanking D. In fact, I gave her the toughest disciplinary spanking of our year together the last night we spent together before she moved out. Perhaps I’ll tell you more about that some time. But since we’ve reconnected and aligned, there have been several spankings, and lots of great, intimate times together.

The moral to this post? Never, EVER assume that because something appears to be over, it’s really over. You just never know. And don’t shut down a blog for that reason, either!

It feels good to be posting again. Looking forward to hearing from all of you!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

And now, it's time to say goodbye...

She took me by surprise, that's for sure. A few days ago, D told me that she's been unhappy for a few months, and that she doesn't see a path for us that will work in the long run. The details of our issues are not important here, nor do I wish to air them publicly. But she's packed up and left already. It's over.

We had a wonderful year together (see post below). But what I'd hoped for -- a relationship that would last through thick and through thin, wasn't to be.

I shall be grateful to D for taking the risk to contact me in the first place after I established this blog in the first place, and for some amazing and wonderful memories. I got to taste the creme de la creme in these special relationships, and no one can take that away.

I am also grateful to all of you who I've met in person, or through this blog, for your support, your stories, and your comments. May you all have peace and prosperity, health and happiness.

I'll leave the blog up for a week or so and then... :::::poof::::: it will cease to exist. Kinda like our relationship.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Happy Anniversary from D

A year ago today I was reading Bonnie's blog. Her post for that day was a list of suggested blogs that her readers might enjoy. Among the list was G's blog. And the rest as they say... is history.

I thought I would share email I sent G that day.

Happy Anniversary G, I'm looking to many more years and spankings to come!


Dear G,

I must say, after reading your blog I am intrigued. You sound exactly like the type of man and relationship I have been looking for.

I am a divorced woman of 45. I have recently relocated to the great Northwest and have decided I do not like the cold and rainy winters here. I have decided to move back to my home town, most likely in the next couple of months. When I read that you were from the same city and the type of woman and relationship you are looking for, I felt compelled to at least write and introduce myself.

I am a professional woman and own a successful business. I have always longed for a relationship as you have described in your blog. It is very difficult to find someone that I "click" with on an intimate level as well as an intellectual one.

If you are interested in pursuing a correspondence, please by all means - email back (and perhaps a photo?). If not, I wish you well in your search. I will bookmark your blog.


P.S. Your description of a "proper spanking" is amazing, and exactly how I would love to be disciplined

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Our First Anniversary!

Well, it's certainly been a while since we updated our blog! Everything's fine, and we're doing great. Just thought I'd let everyone know we're still around, still enjoying great spanking and great loving.

We met one year ago on April 6th. We moved in together in May or June. We've been very happy together and look forward to many, many more years together.

Let us know if you want to see more blog posts. Sometimes you never know if anyone's really reading!

PS: Have we missed anything exciting in the spanko community??? Do tell!