It began on a high point – or so I thought, when D and I celebrated our first anniversary on April 6th. We had a grand time and you can read about it in a previous post, below.
What I didn’t realize was that D was unhappy, and had been so for some time. She had reached the point where she believed we would probably have to “break up” as lovers. She left open the possibility that we could be friends afterwards, but that was it.
So, about a week after our anniversary, we had “the talk.” I was taken by surprise and could not believe my ears, but there it was – we were breaking up. Over the next 24 hours, my mind spun out of control. How could this be? What happened? What went wrong? How can I fix this? There were no answers.
And there was a practical concern as well. We were leasing a home together, we both work from the home so we’re together nearly 7/24, and the lease extended to the end of June. How would two people who had broken up their romantic, intimate relationship live together (let alone satisfy their professional responsibilities) for the next 10 weeks? How would we deal with any grief, anger, resentment, loneliness, and God knows what else?
As I write this post, I’ve tried to describe what happened next several different ways, but they all got to be too wordy. Let me just say this:
D moved out. I took a ride on the emotional roller coaster (as did D, I later found out). From the high on April 6th to a very, very low a week or so later. But fairly quickly, I decided I had to stop whining, stop feeling like a victim, and take action.
I went house hunting and found one immediately. I began to realize that I was close to accepting what had happened with D, and in the spirit of taking a risk I decided to see if there really was any possibility of emerging as friends.
I contacted D and invited her to dinner. She was coming back to our house anyway for a three day span when I’d be out of town, so she could pack some more. I suggested she come the night before (with no strings, no obligations, nothing except dinner and conversation). She accepted my offer.
It’s difficult to describe all the things that have happened since this dinner. Here’s some headlines:
We both found a house to rent, and they are three blocks apart.
We both are looking forward to our new digs. We’re even going to help each other move.
We have honestly kept our friendship alive, and in fact, it’s better now than ever. We may be as close as we’ve ever been.
We are going to continue to date.
In some ways, we think perhaps what we’re doing now is what we should have done in the first place when D moved to my city to be with me. She needs / wants the experience of being on her own, independent, strong, and capable. She needs to finish some psychological business with a previous marriage.
My understanding of what went “wrong” between us has changed as we’ve talked and sorted it out. To be sure, there ARE some differences between us that may be long-term issues, if we stay together. Then again, maybe not. But by moving in together so quickly after meeting one another, we settled into some routines which soon became habits which morphed (in some instances) into ruts. We were lovers, but we were already beginning to take each other for granted. And we spent far too much time together, leaving no “alone time” to reflect, digest, and understand how we felt about everything.
So, the bottom line: (no pun intended!) we’re still a couple. We’re moving forward in a way that I hadn’t imagined but now completely endorse. I’m excited; she’s excited. Will we be together in two years? Five years? Forever?
No way to know. Which would be true even if we were still living together. Or got married, for that matter. But by taking the action that we’ve taken, we really come alive and both feel vibrant, optimistic, and alive.
One more thing, to answer your unspoken questions. Yes, I’m still spanking D. In fact, I gave her the toughest disciplinary spanking of our year together the last night we spent together before she moved out. Perhaps I’ll tell you more about that some time. But since we’ve reconnected and aligned, there have been several spankings, and lots of great, intimate times together.
The moral to this post? Never, EVER assume that because something appears to be over, it’s really over. You just never know. And don’t shut down a blog for that reason, either!
It feels good to be posting again. Looking forward to hearing from all of you!