Sunday, May 31, 2009

It is what it is...and what it is is good.

Just over a year ago, D and I met for the first time. She'd found this blog; she emailed me, we began a whirlwind of emails, texts, and video instant messaging.

Within a short period of time, we were moving D to my home town, and we debated whether to get her an apartment (and I keep mine) or just skip that step and move in together immediately. We chose the latter.

We found a wonderful home to rent -- small but filled with terrific features, like a huge bathtub that could be surrounded by candles, a fantastic kitchen (D is a great cook!), and beautiful "nooks and crannies" that gave the home real personality.

We spent nearly a year in this place, "madly" in love and learning about one another, exploring a HOH relationship, and enjoying great spanking and love-making. And then, it all began to unravel.

At first, D was reaching a conclusion we just weren't really suited for one another in the long run. She wanted to move out, and probably end the relationship as well. That was definitely a wake up call!

But, after some long, candid talks, we realized that the real problem came from living together in our little house. We both work from home, and the reality of being together nearly 7/24 in a relatively small space meant that neither of us had much "alone time" and it was taking a toll.

In addition, D realized she'd missed the opportunity, after her marriage, to "spread her own wings" and make it on her own. Or, in other words, skipping the step of having two apartments had been a mistake. Not one that we regretted making, but one that needed correcting.

And so, we began looking for two places to rent, and to make a long story short(er), we found them -- just three blocks apart. The past month has been a lot of work in terms of moving, but has brought us both more joy than we could have hoped to experience.

We helped each other move. We helped each other shop for things we'd need (since we'd combined furniture and other things in the first house, we now would have to get new things to have two complete households). We had more fun than I would ever have predicted, and it's only gotten better ever since.

It's even gotten rather funny when we meet neighbors and try to explain our situation. "Ours is an unusual story," we start out. We try to explain that we'd been living together but now have chosen to live apart just a few blocks away from one another. Most of the time, whoever we're talking to offers a smile and the same homily: "Well, if it works for you, then it's for the best."

And you know what? That's absolutely true!

Since settling into our new homes, we've spent a lot of time together, sharing meals, helping each other decorate, watching a Netflix movie, or whatever. We're "dating." And our relationship is stronger, and closer, and better than ever.

It's great to come together and spend time doing whatever we want to do together. And it's also great to have a little nest to return to on our own, to unwind, to not have to worry about what the other person is thinking about what we're doing, and to set up to meet our personal taste.

For example, mine is an older home with a detached (and slightly leaning) garage with hardwood floors which has been remodeled but is still full of quirks and "unusual" features. It's perfect for me -- I feel relaxed and happy when I'm there. Hers is a modern, two-story townhouse with a modern garage (and garage door opener!), wall to wall carpeting, a fireplace and air conditioning. It's perfect for her. Her "stuff" really shines in this place, and as she puts it together, it really showcases her personality and taste.

The two places could hardly be more different, and yet they are both places where we feel terrific individually as well as when we're together.

We're quickly learning which places are better for spanking and love-making: each has it's advantages and disadvantages. Because they're just three blocks apart, it's easy to visit, and it's easy to "go home" afterwards.

As we've settled into Phase II of our relationship (dating and not living together) we've begun to explore and imagine how we can evolve together. While it's no longer a genuine or classic HOH relationship, it's actually becoming more fulfilling and exciting.

For instance, D is reflecting a lot lately on who she is, and what she wanted a couple of years ago in terms of her own desire to actualize her submissive self, and has noticed that there's been a change. I believe, but can't speak for D, that what's happened is that she's moved from a place of wanting to be openly submissive in a committed relationship as a way of moving out of the confinements and restrictions she felt in her life at that time, to a place of wanting to be openly submissive in a committed relationship as an opportunity to be able to let go, from time to time, of having to make all the decisions in her life.

You see, one of the things I love about D is that she is quite capable of running her own life. She has her own business, she's good at making friends, she acts on her goals and she moves forward. At the same time, there are things that D needs help with (and I'll let D share those if she wants), and she's confident enough to submit to me to set boundaries, clarify expectations and offer consequences when she screws up, knowing they will be delivered fairly and firmly, and knowing she'll grow and achieve more of her potential when she does so.

D always worries about "topping from the bottom," and I can understand this. But what we've begun to explore in depth is the symbiotic nature of the top/bottom relationship -- one can't exist without the other, and communication is the key to everything. As the bottom, D has actually helped ME grow as well, and that's not "topping from the bottom."

Who knows what the future will bring? I love D, and she loves me. We share a passion for this lifestyle, and for each other. We're sure to make our share of mistakes (individually and together) along the journey, but if we can honor our commitment to communicate honestly and openly, we'll be fine.

By not living together, we've been more keenly aware of how important it is not to take one another or our relationship for granted. What that means on a practical level, for example, is that there are less spankings but they're more intense and focused. We don't make love as often living apart, but our love-making is much more passionate than before.

I love you, D. I hope that we both continue to learn, to grow, to explore, and to become even more of who we are in the weeks, months, and years ahead.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Moving Day Approaches

We've both found new digs, and we are both eager to get through the move and get settled!

We'll be living just three blocks apart -- close enough to visit often, and far enough apart to have our own "space" and (oh, how I hate this phrase!) "quality alone time."

The new arrangement has been coming along nicely. D and I have gone furniture shopping for one another, bought a few things at Beds, Baths and Beyond (and found lots of things there that can be used for you know what!), and starting packing. In a couple of weeks, we'll be in our new homes.

I reflect often on how unpredictable life can be. One moment, we're up. The next, we're down and feeling overwhelmed. The next, back up again and ready to take on the world. I suppose there's some lessons here, but right now I'm too close to the situation to sort that out.

Mostly, I'm grateful for D in my life; I'm grateful for my own (and her) resilience, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to keep having this adventure we call Life.

Oh, and D is away briefly on a business trip. I can assure you she'll get a good, firm maintenance spanking when she returns!