Tuesday, October 13, 2009

It's Love Our Lurkers Day!

As Bonnie has written in her wonderful blog:

Welcome, my friends, to our fourth annual Love Our Lurkers Day! This is our community's opportunity to share the love with our silent readers. I know from my statistics that there are thousands of readers of this blog who have never left a comment. If this sounds familiar, then today is for your day.

During last year's event, 87 spanking-oriented blogs posted LOL messages and they received 1,971 comments. Better still, we met many, many great people. Quite a few remain regular readers to this day. Several have become successful bloggers in their own right.

This year, we invited 231 bloggers to participate! And it's all for you.

Update: We now have 123 participating bloggers. Many have clever incentives to encourage de-lurking.

So how about it?

This blog isn't one of the biggies. It ain't one of the most popular. It's just my little corner of the world, and I'm always a little behind in keeping it current.

That said, I'd LOVE to hear from a lurker or two. Who are you? Why do you read this blog? What would you like to see me write about?

Hope to hear from you!

We were all lurkers once. Even me. Especially me. I urge you to "delurk" today, even if you want to go back into hiding tomorrow.

Hope to hear from you!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

A question: How do you handle situations like these?

A while back D and I were out of town on a combination business/pleasure trip. It came to pass that we were in our hotel room, late one evening, when I commenced spanking her lovely bottom.

Problem was (I discovered after we talked about it later), she just wasn’t into it at the time. Now, this is a pretty rare event. And we have a “ground rule” that seems to work just fine most of the time: I spank her whenever, wherever, and for whatever reason I want.

And she inevitably responds like any good spanko. She protests; she wriggles and kicks and reaches back, she tries to distract me, she tries talking her way out of it, and so on. We both love that. Of course, it never works.

But this particular evening, she just wasn’t into it. She is very conscious of not topping from the bottom, so there was no way (she could think of at the moment) to tell me that it wasn’t working for her. And, after all, there’s the ground rule in place.

After a few smacks, she just went limp. She surrendered to the experience – no, she resigned herself to the experience, but almost immediately, I lost the desire to spank her. I do not like spanking a non-responsive person. And note, I’m not talking about the sublime experience when a spanko slips into sub-space and stops protesting. This was clearly different.

So I stopped, and shortly afterwards, we went to sleep. We talked about it the next day. We both agreed that if she’d used her safe word, that would have been inappropriate, because she wasn’t in that space. She would have accepted the spanking as long as I wanted to deliver it. But she was just getting nothing from it. (Why? My guess is she was in a low point emotionally, for reasons not connected to the spanking, and couldn’t get past that.)

We’ve talked about it some more, and think we need to come up with some way for her to let me know that, in certain limited and unusual circumstances, she just doesn’t want to be spanked, without violating our ground rule. She doesn’t want to top from the bottom, and she certainly doesn’t want to do this very often. In fact, if my memory serves me correctly, this is really the first and only time that this has happened.

So, I guess I’m asking for advice. How do you handle this kind of situation? Should we come up with a special kind of safe word for these situations? I’m not into spanking her unless on some level it’s good for both of us (and we define “good” very differently, of course). I’m fine with letting it go for the moment and returning to spanking later – the next day, later that evening, whatever.

But I can’t read her mind; I can only go by the non-verbal signals she sends. And these can be confusing. I did get the message when she simply went limp and I could tell it wasn’t sub-space because the spanking had barely begun and it was highly unlikely.

Your thoughts?