Wednesday, December 29, 2010

A new chapter - the plot thickens...

Well, Gentle Reader, it's been awhile again. And the plot has definitely thickened. There's trouble in Paradise, and it looks like some rough water ahead. 

So let me get serious. 

D and I have been out of sync for a while. Two or three months, perhaps. At first I was blaming the fact that we both had some tremendous personal challenges, from dealing with deaths in the family to the crushing stress of the lackluster economy on our self-employment. But it turns out there was more going on that I had imagined. 

Yesterday, D sent me an email containing a message she intended to publish on FetLife and on her own blog as well. I'm going to reproduce it here:

So Long, and Thanks For All The Fish

My kink is gone. Vanished. Gone down some black hole not destined to emerge anytime soon.

My libido is non-existent. Nada. Dead.

These days I’m either extremely sad/depressed or happy and overjoyed. No in-between.  A veritable roller-coaster of emotions. Feeling like I’m going fucking insane.

My self-esteem is at the lowest it could ever be. When looking in the mirror (which I try to avoid at all costs these days), I just see an old, fat and ugly woman staring back.

When did all this happen? I can’t really put a date on it. But it did all come on rather suddenly.  It was like a switch was flipped and I realized I’m not the person I was, and will never be again. And that really pisses me off, because I really liked her.

Oh, did I mention the hot flashes and the cold sweats?

Yes, so it seems that I might be going through the evil that is Menopause. Being a woman “of a certain age” (I loathe that phrase - the hell with it, I’m 48), it seems the most likely of scenarios. I am told it might last a couple months to several years.


So while I’m going through this “period” (pun intended), I have decided at the beginning of the new year I will be discontinue my blog and be taking down my Fetlife profile. I haven’t done anything with either for a long time and honestly I’m not comfortable any longer with pics, etc. being online. Fankly, looking at them just depresses me even further.

There have been many wonderful people I have met through this part of my life and I am grateful for that. I hope I do not offend or make friends feel like I don’t care. I do. My problem is, I hardly have the energy these days to keep me going and I’ve got nothing left over for anything or anyone else.

The best person I have been blessed to have as part of my life is G. Through all this is has been a gentleman and much more understanding that I know I have ever would have been. That’s all I’ll say here, I’ll let him elaborate if he wishes. I just want him to know I am grateful and I do not take him at all for granted.

Hopefully with a new year, will come new realizations. I sure hope so. I don’t know how much longer I can take this insanity.

So you can see what I mean about heading into a new chapter of our relationship. 

My reaction to her post was kaleidoscopic. By that I mean that I had/have several reactions, which I'm still sorting out (and will be sorting out for some time to come). Here's some of them, in no particular order:

  1. D is suffering big time. Can I help? Can I be there for her? How DO you help a woman facing menopause? 
  2. OMG! Is this the end of us? Will her lack of interest in kink and sex be permanent, as she seems to think at the moment, and if so, does that mean we're through as lovers?
  3. What else can this lousy year 2010 throw at us? 
  4. What does a "Responsible Top" do in situations like this, anyway? 
  5. Can I live without delivering frequent (or any, for that matter) spankings for a while? (Answer: Yes, of course I can.)
  6. Should I give her more space? Even avoid her as much as possible?
  7. For that matter, should I move out and find another place (yet again) to live in?
  8. On the other hand, if I give her too much space, will she get used to not having me around?
  9. Can I learn not to take the mood swings personally? 
The list goes on and on. For most of the questions, I do not have any answers. Yet. 

Here's the thing: I love D. I hate that she has to go through this, and I'm determined she doesn't have to go through it alone (if she'll let me learn how to support her). Spanking, as wonderful as it is, takes second place (a distant second) to being her friend. So does sex. Spanking may have brought us together, but it isn't the only thing that keeps us together. In fact, if it were, I would find that troublesome. 

The chapter has just begun and we've only "read" a few pages. I have no idea how this will play out. I have found that at times, when I think about what's happening, I get anxious. At other times, I feel a sense of calm confidence that we can get through this, no matter how difficult, and no matter how long it takes. 

All I know is we were both surprised, or stunned, and that D is hurting and I want to take care of her, and I don't really know the best way to support her right now. But I'm going to learn. I've already begun the internet research and found a GREAT website/forum which has tons of information. My job right now is to learn, learn, and learn some more about this situation. 

If you have any suggestions, or advice, please post a comment below. And - thanks for reading. 

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Checking back in...

Greetings, Gentle Reader.

It's been a while. Too long a while. Nearly every blog I've read has its seasons, beginning with a lot of posts, then tapering off, then (usually) a re-energized commitment to blogging, and then?

I'm no exception. The Real World - the Vanilla World - has had its way with me. It's been a remarkable year with a LOT of setbacks, disappointments, course corrections, and the like. Both D and I have been handling more than the usual share of challenges these past few months.

But here I am, Gentle Reader, back at the keyboard, putting up another post. Life indeed goes on, and both D and I are here, doing well and putting one foot in front of the other, as we take life one day at a time. (Is that enough cliches for you?)

I was so pleased the other day to see a new comment on this blog, from Rena, who said, "Hi, I am really getting a kick out of reading your blog. It's great! I want to add you to my blogrollIt's funny how a simple comment can make such a difference. It's thanks to Rena that I've come back to the keyboard to begin anew.

(By the way, check out her blog: Assume the Position. It's quite good.)

D and I have secured our tickets and hotel reservations for what might be 2011's hottest spanking party, the Boardwalk Badness in Atlantic City in April. We can't wait. It was an amazing event in 2010 and the hosts are committed to taking it to yet another level - which seems nearly impossible, given how good it was last year.

That's about it for now. Just a quick post to let my Gentle Readers know that we're both still here, we're doing fine, and we look forward to doing TTWD all over again.

Be well!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Wish We Could Be There

At the beginning of the year, we had intentions of attending three large parties: Boardwalk Badness in Atlantic City, Florida Moonshine in Tampa, and Shadowlane in Las Vegas.

This was a a lot - perhaps too much, we wondered. After all, one of the things we've learned since coming together is that too much of a good thing is NOT a good thing. What is delicious, exciting or otherwise exceptional can become almost routine and predictable. Think of your favorite dessert - if you have it everyday, it loses its appeal.

So we wondered whether three big parties in a year would spoil the fun.

Well, this year at least, we shall never know.

We made it to Atlantic City and had a blast. Florida Moonshine came soon afterwards, and I remember we both wondered whether it was too soon. It wasn't. We had a blast.

In the three or four month interval between Florida Moonshine and Shadowlane, things in our vanilla life shifted, as we began to deal more often with the impact of the recession on our own businesses. Slowly but surely, things got worse and worse, to reach the point today where restoring financial stability is our number one priority. The "extras" that make our lives fun and exciting have to be put on hold. (This includes, but is certainly not only the spanking parties we love so much.)

We aren't going to learn whether three big parties in one year is too much, at least, not this year. We have had to cancel our RSVP for Shadowlane and let it go.

There are times, we've learned, that even spanking has to take a back seat (and no pun is intended). There are times when stuff comes up, and I'm not very interested in this wonderful kink, or D isn't either. We're learning to roll with these punches and let the desire resurface naturally and in it's own time. There was a time when I couldn't imagine going for a week without delivering a sound spanking, but it happens now from time to time.

I don't even worry too much about it. I've learned that the desire can deflate but it's only temporary. Its still in my genes, and in D's, and when we're able to let the wave just play itself out, things naturally return to the former state.

But I will admit I'm going to miss this year's Shadowlane party - a lot. I won't want to visit Fetlife, even, during the upcoming weekend. I don't really want to read everyone's party reports. I'm almost like a petulant child, making a face and sitting somewhere with my tongue stick out while my face turns red.

I wanted to go to this party, damn it!

But it's not in the cards.

And you have to play the hand you're dealt.


Sunday, August 8, 2010

8 Simple Rules for Spanking My Girlfriend

D and I enjoy spanking parties, from small, private house parties to large, famous sponsored parties like Florida Moonshine and Shadowlane. We play with others, in a variety of ways from publicly (in the ballroom), to privately – sometimes we’re together, sometimes we independently play with partners alone in our (or their) room.

There is often confusion when a Top wants to spank my girlfriend, especially when the three of us are not well acquainted. Perhaps we’ve just been introduced, or we’re all at the same suite party, and you’ve got a hankerin’ to take D over your knee.

If so, I have eight simple rules for doing so. PLEASE NOTE: These are my rules, not the rules. They may or may not apply to other bottoms and other couples.
  1. Don’t assume that just because you’re a Top, and she’s a bottom, and we’re at a spanking party, that she wants to be spanked by you. She might and she might not. It’s not a given. And speaking of saying “no,” that might or might not be about you. She may have something else she wants to do right now. She may just not feel like it. There’s countless reasons she might say “no.” But it is no. No means no. It doesn’t mean “not right now,” unless that is specifically what she says.
  2. If I’m present when you extend the invitation to play, it’s “professional courtesy” to speak to me first, just as you would if we were at a dance and you wanted to dance with her. It has to do with old-fashioned chivalry. I’d expect that you would give me the courtesy by saying something like “If it’s alright with you, I’m going to ask D to play.”
  3. That being said, D will make up her own mind whether she wants to play with you. I might not even be around when the invitation is extended; she is under no obligation to make sure it’s okay with me first. (That’s NOT the case for everyone, so if you ask a bottom to play and she tells you she – or you – must check with her Top first, do not be offended. That’s how some couples work it out and you must respect that.)
  4. If you’ve established yourself as a silent, non-speaking lurker or a creepy, leering guy who doesn’t understand personal space and/or respecting a scene when it’s unfolding in a suite party, don’t even ask if she wants to play. The answer is going to be no.
  5. You WILL engage in some conversation before playing so you’ll know her safe word, her choice of implements she’ll allow you to use, and any limits she has. Don’t assume you can “read” her body and her reactions because you’re such an experienced Top. Having her tell you what she wants (and doesn’t want) from a scene is not topping from the bottom. It’s common sense and courtesy and if you can’t engage in a conversation beforehand (no pun intended) then you may not play with her.
  6. You must allow D to let me know where she is at all times. If she wants to call me, text me, or otherwise communicate with me that must be honored. If you’re playing semi-privately with D in a suite party, I expect to be allowed to enter the bedroom at any time to make sure she’s doing okay and having fun.
  7. No sex. None. Not “real sex,” not “Bill Clinton” sex, not even an “accidental” stray hand in the wrong place sex. Anything that goes beyond spanking will be hazardous to your health.
  8. At all times, remember she’s there to party, just like you are. Spanking her so hard she can’t enjoy the rest of the party is verboten.  And your reputation will suffer. Never forget that word gets around quickly and you could soon find yourself without play partners.

So that’s it. It’s my version of “safe, sane, and consensual.” I want D to have a great time, and to play with whomever she wants. I trust her completely, as she does me. (By the way, I follow my own rules when I ask someone to play with me.) If you can stay within these guidelines, and she wants to play with you, you’re going to have a great time. If you can’t, there will be consequences.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Another great party experience...

D and I returned Sunday from another great party experience - a redux of an earlier party we'd created with two other couples.

We'd met the two couples at a Shadowlane party. Great rapport, and they live fairly nearby. Last May, we all got together for the first time on our own and had a blast.

Our private parties differ from a typical suite party at Shadowlane (or elsewhere). We take things a bit further in some ways. There's no role playing. The parties are far more sexual - yet there's no actual sex between partners, or even between ourselves in view of the others. The context is more about Topping and "Domming" than merely delivering an OTK for a few minutes to the three bottoms.

Most of the evening (we meet from about 4:00 p.m. until noon the next day) is centered on a game - and on something called "embarrassments." After some ice-breaker activity and dinner, we assemble in the large living room to play Trivial Pursuit. Sort of. Actually, Trivial Pursuit is just an excuse to move things along!

Each of the girls plays the game - the Tops have another assignment. As they play, they have a consequence for missing a question - they have to remove a piece of clothing. If you know Trivial Pursuit, you know it doesn't take long before there are three naked ladies in the room. That's when the action kicks up a notch.

The game continues with naked contestants, and now, when they miss a question, they roll the dice to see what happens next. If they roll a 1, 2, or 3 they get a spanking consequence. The implement is determined by another roll of the dice, and the spanker by a third roll.

If, however, they roll a 4, 5 or 6 they must pull an "embarrassment card" from a jar. Each girl has the same number of cards and by the time the game ends, they will all have pulled all of the cards. Each of these cards has an action the poor bottom must take (which are intended to push their limits) a bit. These have little to do with spanking, which is one way these parties are different from suite parties.

Here's some of the "embarrassments" the girls must do (and by the way, should they not be willing to do one, they can opt for a spanking instead) in no particular order:

  1. Do a lap dance for each of the tops. 
  2. Have each top take their temperature - the old fashioned way. 
  3. Give each of the other bottoms a steamy smooch - thirty second minimum. 
  4. Put on an apron, and serve a fresh beverage to anyone who wants it - in such a way that a Hooter's waitress would blush.
  5. Corner time! Take their position in the corner, nose on a quarter, until the next bottom pulls an embarrassment. 
  6. Suck the nipples of the other bottoms like they're going out of style - blindfolded, of course. 
  7. Kneel on a couch and give themselves a paddling while saying, "I've been a naughty girl and deserve to be spanked 24/7. 
  8. Guess the top! Take five swats with an implement from each top, and guess who went first, second and third. Guess wrong, and he'll do it again. 
  9. Getting hot and bothered? Better have each of the other bottoms give you a proper wetness check. 
All of the girls did all their embarrassments, and D tells me later that several of them pushed her limits, but because she completely trusted everyone in the room, and because she knew it would turn me on, she did them all. (She's right, they DID turn me on!)

After we're all spanked out, late in the evening, all three couples ended up cuddling on the three couches, getting soft massages, as the six of us sipped our beverages and simply talked about this and that. Mostly about the scene, about other parties, about our own histories in TTWD, etc. Late in the evening we all called it a night and drifted off to our own rooms. 

The next morning, we had breakfast, did some more spanking, and got lots of laughs. Now it was time for some group spanking (all three bottoms in position on a couch at the same time). We talked about what we had in common, and what made each of us unique. 

All too soon, the time to pack up for home had arrived. Just like last time, we talked about doing this again really soon. We'll see each other at Shadowlane in a month. Meantime, everyone felt great. We each brought some high personal stress to the party, and we all left relaxed and satiated. 

Thanks to all the participants for another great time! I can't wait to see how we change it, try new things, and do it all again. 

Thursday, July 15, 2010

A Couple of Handfuls

Over the past two years, D and I have evolved from meeting one another, defining and redefining our relationship, and venturing out to play with others. We began with a Shadowlane party, then another, followed by Boardwalk Badness and Florida Moonshine.

Each of these parties was special for different reasons, but I've noticed that we push our boundaries a little further each time. D is more comfortable playing the naughty girl in the public settings at the parties; we're both more comfortable in suite parties, and we both have enjoyed creating more private scenes with other couples.

Now, at large parties, we find ourselves simply playing without getting into roles; it's more about the real headspace that we can share and create with others. I've enjoyed watching D get caned, and I've enjoyed being witness to her being topped without a role being played. I've done some of the same.

From there we ventured into a private party with two other couples and had a wild, exhilarating time on a recent weekend. Part spanking, part light BDSM, part exhibitionism, part hilarity - it was all good.

And now, another first. We had someone come see and stay with us for a long weekend that we'd met at a large party a couple of times. I'd played with C at these parties while D played with her top. We had gotten along well. C had never been to our home city (or state) and wanted to come see it, and we agreed to be hosts and tour guides.

So out she came, and we spent four days together, site-seeing by day, playing by night. It was a profound experience on many levels.

It was my first experience as a top with two bottoms all to myself. It was D's first experience "sharing" me with someone else for an extended time. I'm sure it was C's first experience traveling to share time with a couple such as us, and playing with us for four days.

We didn't do any role playing. We kept it real. I found it exhilarating and challenging at the same time. I know D quite well - I can read her, I know what she likes and doesn't like, I know which implements produce what effects. I don't know C very well at all, so I didn't know many things - her limits (which she wanted tested), how different implements, positions, and situations would affect her.

Perhaps the most important lesson I learned was quite simple when I think about it: Topping is quite different for every bottom. I suppose that should have been obvious, but only when faced (literally!) with two different bottoms who have different expectations, limits, needs, desires, tolerances, and everything else did this become clear to me.

For a short scene at a party, this is not such a big deal. For a four-day situation, it is.

And then there's the dynamics at play. D and I are a couple with a history; C was the "third wheel" with the personal challenge of finding a way to fit in. It all worked out fine, but there was a palpable imbalance which I had to find ways to address throughout the visit. Helping C become comfortable was only part of the dynamic - helping D (and myself) be comfortable was also in play.

Bottom line (no pun intended): it's a delicious fantasy to have two bottoms to spank at the same time, or one after the other, all to myself. The reality is it's actually a lot of hard work to get it right. Don't get me wrong - we all had a great time. But the time compression is a critical factor.

If we were to meet someone who lives here and wanted to do some top/bottom/bottom play, we'd have the luxury of taking it slow - getting to know one another a bit better, doing something one night and then having time in-between before we played again, etc.

Within the parameters of a short visit, things are different. Just as the dynamics between D and I have grown over the past two years, it can take time to find a way to completely merge the fantasy with the reality.

Looking back, I know I had a wonderful experience, and I believe that both D and C did as well. It gave all of us some new insights into "this thing we do," that's for sure. I hope we'll get to do it again some time.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

It's all good...

In my last post, I described how I learned that sometimes, a spanking is not the answer. D had been down in the dumps, and I'd tried to pull her out of it with a "centering" spanking - but it 'twas not to be.

The lesson for me had a couple of layers. First, I had to recall that old expression - if all you have is a hammer, then everything looks like a nail. Or to paraphrase, if all you have is a paddle, then every situation looks like it calls for a spanking.

The second level is patience. Sometimes D goes off somewhere, inside herself, and gets a little lost. She withdraws from life, to give herself a little space. I should know by now that given a little time, she finds herself, rights her ship, and comes back to the real world with her old self restored. I'd like to think that spanking her when she's "gone" will bring her back sooner, but it doesn't work. She has to work out her situation and bring herself back.

Which brings me to the present. I was with D a couple of nights ago, and we were just lounging about and watching TV. I was doing my best to be patient, and not to force anything between us - just hang with her and wait for a signal that she felt better.

Towards what I thought was the natural end of the evening, D sort of crawled up on my lap and "presented herself" to me. She was wearing some nightclothes and no panties. She wiggled herself in such a way that her bare bottom was soon in plain view - and in the classic spanking position.

D hates the idea of asking to be spanked. Hates it! But this was a clear signal that she wanted to be taken in hand. It was wordless but unmistakeable. I didn't have to be struck by lightening - I knew she was ready once again.

I delivered a sound hand spanking on the couch, and then, in my stern Toppie voice, said, "Do I need to take you into the bedroom and give you a heart-pounding orgasm, young lady? You do know that's what naughty girls like you get when you show off that lovely bottom like you just did!"

She nodded wordlessly. She had crossed the line, and deserved the full "punishment."

I took her in hand and led her into the bedroom. I placed her in position on the bed, pillow under her tummy. I pulled out our favorite implement - a fine leather strap from The London Tanner. Giving her many strokes, I soon found her to be quivering with anticipation of what would come next.

We made love. I'm not the sort of guy who goes into great detail on that subject, but I'll just say this. D had a fantastic O - that reduced her to tears afterwards. Good tears. Happy tears. Relief tears.

So the good news is that D is back once again. Still overworked, still overwhelmed by some vanilla things, but she's back in all her naughty, delicious glory.

It's all good...

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Sometimes, a spanking isn't the answer...

I'm guilty as the next top to thinking that all she needs (whatever the circumstance) is a good spanking.


As I write this, D is feeling down and depressed. While I don't want to talk out of school, she says its a combination of things - from the endless stream of bad news in the world today (think Gulf oil spill, recession, fraud, endless political fighting leaving nothing getting done, etc.) to a host of personal issues which feel overwhelming to her right now.

We had scheduled two spanking parties this weekend, and have cancelled our appearance at both. She's just not into it!

Today, I got word that she was down in the dumps and I decided to come over to support and help her. After watching the USA lose in the World Cup, I got the "bright idea" that what D really needed was a good "centering" spanking. I believed that a good spanking would allow her to release what's inside.

I took her back in the bedroom and over my knee. Many spanks later, it was clear this wasn't going anywhere. She wasn't getting centered; she was simply getting spanked. She wasn't releasing anything; she was holding on even harder.

My bright idea wasn't so bright. I didn't know what else to do, so I left her on her own to sort through things, be by herself, and work through her funk. I didn't really want to leave her alone, but I began to feel that I wasn't helping much at all.

Wouldn't it be great to have a simple spanking take care of everything?

Sometimes, a spanking isn't the answer. And sometimes, being a Top is having to recognize that I don't have all the answers, all the time.

I will wait to hear from her. When I do, I will be more patient, be a better listener, and promise myself not to "move to solution" too quickly. I love her with all my heart, and I am torn up inside when she's in pain. But what I can do, all I can do really, is be with her, for her, beside her, and remind her how much she is loved. Good times, bad times, at all times.

Friday, June 25, 2010

On finding a lover who's got that kink...

A friend of mine is going through a probable breakup in her relationship. As we talked, she wondered about something that most of us in "the scene" have pondered many a time - is it really possible to find a romantic partner who is a good fit in the traditional sense - sharing of interests, compatible personalities, similar outlooks on politics, religion, etc, AND who shares our love of TTWD?

D and I are living proof that it can be done, and we're meeting more and more people who've been together for far longer than us, and who fully embrace both their vanilla and kinky sides. It's not easy, but it can be done.

It starts by being honest with yourself. For many, it's a journey of years just to accept ourselves as we are - people who love spanking, or bondage, or d/s, or whatever. Many of us have spent years in denial, or secrecy, barely able to admit these longings even to ourselves - let alone our partners.

But, once you've accepted who you are, you now know that you'll never truly be happy, or fulfilled, or fully engaged in a romantic relationship unless your partner has done the same. I know I could never give up my kink to have an otherwise ideal partner, just as much as I could never abandon my many vanilla interests and beliefs to be with the ideal spanko. It just wouldn't work.

So the journey to find that wonderful partner begins with becoming a wonderful partner to yourself, embracing all of yourself, loving who you are, not apologizing to yourself, or thinking you're crazy, or pretending it's just not that important.

Then, and only then, can you set your intentions on finding someone to love who can meet your needs, just as you can meet theirs.

That's the second step: declare your intentions. I'm not suggesting a public "outing" of yourself. I'm simply saying that you have to let the Universe know what you want, and that you expect to find that person. Until you know who you are, and what you want, they will elude you forever.

Once you've accepted who you are, and what you want (and remember - at this stage you're acknowledging that you simply won't settle for less that that), it's time to take action.

For me, it was a matter of putting up this blog and pushing it out into the internet. I was as honest as I knew how to be on the blog - this is me, this is what I want, these are my wrinkles and warts, and this is a description of who I'm looking for. Once it was launched, I then took another important step: I "let go" of the outcome.

I trusted that the best result would come my way. I believed then, as I believe now, that we all attract what we expect to attract, not just what we want to attract. I knew that sooner or later, D would come along. (Of course, I didn't know it would be D specifically!)

Other people take other actions. They start going to parties where they can meet like-minded people, for instance. Not with the specific expectation that this party will be the party where Mr. or Ms. Right will show up. But if they've let go of the outcome, it just might happen!

Or they join FetLife. Or start going to munches in their home town. Or even advertise on any number of fetish sites. (Before I was ready to really commit to finding someone special, I found a variety of very temporary play partners on Craigslist.)

The point is - you have to act. Put up a blog, go to some parties, join a social (kink-oriented) website.

The person you're looking for IS out there. It all lines up when:

  • Both of you have accepted who you are,
  • Both of you have decided to go for what you want, and
  • Both of you have let go of the outcome, trusting that the Universe will provide.
Are kinky-oriented partners harder to find than simple vanilla ones? Maybe. But so what? If it's a choice between finding someone - anyone - to "have a relationship," and finding someone who's truly a soul-mate, then it really doesn't matter how hard it is.

It is possible, and it's so worth it I can't imagine any other path. Accept who you are, go for what you want, and stop trying to control the outcome. Let it happen. It will.

Your thoughts?

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Florida Moonshine

It's been a week and a half since we returned from the fantastic party at Florida Moonshine. Here's what happened:

First, we almost didn't make it. We flew to Dallas to get a connecting flight to Tampa - but our flight was cancelled! We had to spend a night at a motel in Dallas, "enjoying" dinner at Denny's. There went our plans to arrive a day early so we could relax before the party started!

The next day, we were able to get a flight to Chicago and then make connections to Tampa. Phew! Up arrival, the heat and humidity hit us pretty hard, but we enjoyed a limo to the hotel, stopping briefly for a few groceries for the mini-fridge.

The hotel was pretty cool, but unlike the facility at Boardwalk Badness, we had to pay attention to make sure we didn't offend all of the vanillas who were staying there. This made for some logistics problems, when we made our way from our suite to the large conference room for the all-hands gatherings. (Imagine D trying to wear her naughty school girl outfit under some kind of coverup so she wouldn't draw attention to herself on the elevator and you'll get the idea.)

The gathering the first night was pretty good. I didn't care much for the ice-breaker (too complicated!) but it was great to find old friends and start connecting with new ones. Before long, a couple we'd met (but hadn't played with) in Atlantic City strolled over. The Top (another D) blurted out that the Bottom, C, had something to say to us.

C is shy. But she mustered up her courage and said, "We'd like to play with you!"

We didn't want to waste much time, so the four of us abandoned the large gathering and retired to our suite. Soon, my D was over Top D's lap, and C was over mine, and lots of spanking ensued. Everyone had a blast. The girls just couldn't behave, and Top D and I couldn't let that go on for long!

Before long, my D and Top D were in the bedroom portion of the suite, and C and I were in the living room. Bottoms were bared and spanked - with hands, paddles, and my personal favorite, Thuddy Buddy (a leather strap).

I believe we returned to the large party, and then found our way into a variety of suite parties that were held on the top floor. (No pun intended!) The evening passed with a blur of spankings here and there, and I got to play briefly with several new (to me) people, as did D.

On Saturday, the main event during the day was an Academy for naughty girls, and D was a quite willing participant. Headmaster Tony (who helped organize the party) runs a tight ship, ably aided by two stern instructors: Rad and Abel. They administered a grammar test, which almost all of the girls promptly failed. (I think I might have as well!) Each received several swings of the cane - some more than others, given their academic performance. D did quite poorly on her exam, poor thing. She got six strokes, all publicly administered in front of a rapt audience.

In the afternoon, everyone relaxed. D even got a pedicure with one of her girlfriends. Later, we hooked up again with D and C, and this time, the spankings got harder and longer.

The highlight of the evening, long after the large social event, was D's caning from the infamous Miss Chris. She had tasted the Miss Chris's cane for the first time at Atlantic City, with two strokes at an impromptu demonstration.

This time, we watched with rapt attention as Miss Chris gave a very thorough demonstration with her own sub. Afterwards, I asked Miss Chris if she'd be willing to take the cane to D once again, because I knew how badly D wanted to try it again.

Ever willing and charming, Miss Chris led D back to the bedroom and placed her in position, a pillow beneath her tummy. D had dressed as a naughty secretary for the evening - she looked fabulous!

This time 'round, Miss Chris took a little longer with D. She got six strokes and loved every bit. She told me later she completely lost track of time, had no awareness of the dozen or so on-lookers, and really floated out into subspace. Good for D! And thanks, Miss Chris!

On Sunday, we all trooped into a "courtroom" where anyone could bring anyone up on charges and have a brief trial. StrictDave was the judge, just as he had been in Atlantic City. He runs a very fair, hilarious courtroom. I believe all his decisions were proper and correct (the bottom doesn't always lose), except for one.

You see, I brought D up on charges of being too good at the party, giving me fewer reasons to take her over my knee. We both went forward and gave our testimony, and to my utter disbelief, the crowd (and the judge) sided with D. I was ordered to give her fifteen minutes of "community service," which is patently unfair. Unfortunately, there is no court of appeals. So D escaped a public spanking this time. Damn!

The party drew to a close on Sunday afternoon, but many people stayed over until Monday. That meant that the suite parties were in full swing on Sunday night. After an afternoon playing in the waves of the Gulf (no oil spill here) and the pool, we had some dinner and made our way to the suite parties.

Whoa! Way overcrowded! D was feeling rather "out of it" and I have to admit, I wasn't jonesing on the stuffed suites either. Then a switch, who I shall have to call G2, came into the room and began talking with us. He really wanted to give D some discipline (he was as upset as me about the unfair outcome at trial). He suggested we come to his room where we'd have some peace and privacy.

Wow, what a scene! He quickly took command of the situation, and before long, poor D was over his knee getting some well-earned discipline while I watched. Ever thoughtful, I occasionally would hand G2 an implement to use. I'm like that. I'm a giver.

It was a wonderful evening after all, and G2 even offered to take us back to the airport the next day, which saved us another limo charge.

On Monday, we said all our goodbyes, and met up with G2 for the ride to the airport. We stopped at a Mexican restaurant for lunch, and wouldn't you know - D began to misbehave again. Already!

G2 had a great suggestion. Within a few minutes, both G2 and I had taken D into the men's room, locked the door, lowered her panties, and delivered some swift discipline. Now that was HOT!

On the way to the airport, I rode in the back seat with D, just in case. Sure enough, she couldn't resist being a bit naughty. Bang! Within a few seconds she was upended, put over my knee, and had her panties pulled off. (They were given to G2, who promptly hung them over the rear view mirror). I gave D a stern bare bottom spanking in the car on the freeway.

At last we reached the airport, and flew home on two uneventful flights.

I had to fly the next day for a two day business trip, which I felt badly about, because I couldn't be with D when she went through her party drop (and I get party drop too). But we got through that, and life quickly returned to normal. Whatever that is!

All in all, we had a great time at what was billed as the last Florida Moonshine Party (since Ian has moved back to England).

Now we're veterans of four large parties: 2 at ShadowLane, one Boardwalk Badness in Atlantic City, and Florida Moonshine. Each had incredible highlights, and each was different from the others in many ways.

Now we're looking forward to our next ShadowLane party in September in Las Vegas. Meantime, we've committed to two or three local affairs, varying from 6 to 15 or 20 people or so.

The folks who organized FMS should be proud - they did a great job. And to all the people we had the chance to meet and play with - wow - you really made it special. Can't wait to do it all again!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

The day before the day before...

Tomorrow D and I travel across country to the Florida Moonshine Party. This will be our fourth big organized party and first in Florida.

It's hard to focus on work today, but I must. I need to get things wrapped up and then start packing for tomorrow. We will be flying all day, but because we arrive the day before the party starts, we can relax, adjust to the jet lag, and be ready to play on Friday.

I've been busy "networking" with several wonderful (not to mention kinky!) friends and expect to have a great time trying to make time for everyone.

I know D is ready. She has a pattern of having lots of interest when we first register, and then letting it go for a while and laying low, and then just before the party she gets energized and ready to play.

She's got good timing, that one.

Monday, May 31, 2010

On being proactive...

What's a dom to do?

Once in a while, D drinks a little too much. Not often, but it happens. It's not a big problem because D is a very responsible social drinker the vast majority of times. Just that every once in a while, she...

I haven't had a good response when it happens. When I suggest she stop for the evening, I feel like I'm coming across as a judgmental kill-joy, which is not my intention. The truth is I want her to party, to enjoy, to get a little silly, and to have a good time. I just don't want her to become a danger to herself or others, or to embarrass herself or others.

So when she's reached a tipping point, I want her to stop. At that moment, I know my judgment is superior to hers, because I'm not impaired.

The other night, we were having a blast at a vanilla party, and D got a little drunk. No problem. But she reached a point where she'd had enough. I told her so. Nonetheless, she took another drink, and I wasn't happy. But there wasn't much I could do about it at the time. Even if I'd dragged her upstairs to take her over my knee, which would have been very inappropriate at this party, she was too drunk to feel much consequence anyway!

We drove home shortly afterwards, and I helped her into her house.

Now, D never gets hangovers. Never. But this time, she made a mistake - she had been drinking both vodka and tequila throughout the night. The next morning, she was not doing good. Headache. Body ache. Complaining about the sunshine. You know the drill. So she got a natural consequence.

I decided this was the kind of situation that had to be handled by negotiating a proactive agreement. I knew she didn't want to put herself in a position of being a danger to herself or others, or even to become embarrassing to herself or others. I also knew she hadn't faced any consequences in the past, except this one hangover.

So I drew up an agreement with her, and we talked about it the next night. She agreed that when we're out partying, she can drink as little or much as she wants - until, in my judgment, she's reached her limit. At that point, I will intervene.

Then, if she continues to drink, she will be disciplined, at a time and place of my choosing (once she's sobered up!).

It's really quite simple, but the best part was not the agreement but the conversation that took place as we went over it. She does trust that I won't invoke the agreement inappropriately (and in fact, it's "null and void" if I too am too tipsy to have sound judgment). I know that she can relax, enjoy herself, and know that, as she puts it, I have her back. I believe she'll do just fine.

In almost any other situation, if D does something that deserves a punishment, she knows it at the time, and we take care of it as soon as possible. Truth is, it doesn't happen very often at all. But this one deserved to be called out, talked through, and sort of "set in stone," so to speak, because if/when it happens again, she won't be thinking clearly.

And I know her well enough to know that, even if her brain is juiced up, this will get through: "Take one more drink, and you'll have to face my consequences tomorrow." Perhaps I could have done that the other night without all the conversation the next day, but I believe this is more fair and appropriate.

I'm fully aware that other doms would have handled it differently. But this works for D and I, and we both feel good about it. In fact, if you'd like to see her take on the matter, read her blog here.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Where have I been?

Given my last post was five months ago or so, I can't imagine anyone is actually still reading this blog. Somehow I got out of the habit and inertial took over, and the days became weeks, and the weeks became months.

So today I'm taking some action to reverse this process!

There's no way to adequately describe the past five months in great detail, but I can summarize, so I will.

With regard to D and I, it has been terrific. We did a couple more parties, for instance. We had the most amazing fun at the Boardwalk Badness weekend in Atlantic City. D really came into her element there, from being a vendor's model to participating at a "spanked straight" event at a girl's reformatory, to taking her first caning ever in an impromptu semi-private "clinic" conducted by a talented domme in front of about half a dozen on-lookers.

The entire weekend was fantastic, and it shall remain a prized memory for a long time to come.

A month or so ago, we attended a much smaller party, with just three couples (including us). These were folks we'd met at ShadowLane a while back and we knew we were all on the same wavelength and felt really comfortable with one another.

This was more of a bdsm (light) party than strictly spanking, and all three tops/doms had a blast putting all three subs/bottoms through their paces. We played a variety of games which all seemed to end with the same outcome: the ladies were naked, getting spanked, and quite a bit more.

For instance, for missing a question in Trivial Pursuit, the subs had to draw a "consequence" from a jar. These included things from performing a lap dance for the tops, to having their temperatures taken (the old-fashioned way!), to having the other subs lick their nipples, or check one another for wetness, or kissing each other with a bit of passion.

Both D and I wondered whether each of us would be comfortable with all of this, and we found out that, Hell yeah!

It was a remarkable weekend. One of my favorite memories is when the three subs were naked on a couch, backs to the room, knees on the cushions, and leaning over the back of the couch. The three tops took turns spanking them 1-2-3-2-1 back and forth. I loved seeing the three bottoms on display, and the sense of "sisterhood" that prevailed between the three subs.

So we've had fun at parties, and are getting ready now for what is billed as the last Florida Moonshine party in Tampa (although it's our first there). There will be newer friends we made in Atlantic City, and older friends from Shadowlane, and no doubt brand new friends we've yet to meet. We LOVE parties!

On a personal level, the past five months had highs and lows. My mother passed away at age 86. My father struggles with his own life now, after 66 years of marriage. There have been other personal setbacks for both D and I, but on the whole, it's been a good journey.

We are closer and more in love than ever. We recently passed our 2nd anniversary together. Our kink has grown deeper and we continue to explore new things. I can't wait to see what I post two years from now.

If someone is out there and you actually read this post, please consider leaving a comment. I'd love to hear from you!