Monday, May 31, 2010

On being proactive...

What's a dom to do?

Once in a while, D drinks a little too much. Not often, but it happens. It's not a big problem because D is a very responsible social drinker the vast majority of times. Just that every once in a while, she...

I haven't had a good response when it happens. When I suggest she stop for the evening, I feel like I'm coming across as a judgmental kill-joy, which is not my intention. The truth is I want her to party, to enjoy, to get a little silly, and to have a good time. I just don't want her to become a danger to herself or others, or to embarrass herself or others.

So when she's reached a tipping point, I want her to stop. At that moment, I know my judgment is superior to hers, because I'm not impaired.

The other night, we were having a blast at a vanilla party, and D got a little drunk. No problem. But she reached a point where she'd had enough. I told her so. Nonetheless, she took another drink, and I wasn't happy. But there wasn't much I could do about it at the time. Even if I'd dragged her upstairs to take her over my knee, which would have been very inappropriate at this party, she was too drunk to feel much consequence anyway!

We drove home shortly afterwards, and I helped her into her house.

Now, D never gets hangovers. Never. But this time, she made a mistake - she had been drinking both vodka and tequila throughout the night. The next morning, she was not doing good. Headache. Body ache. Complaining about the sunshine. You know the drill. So she got a natural consequence.

I decided this was the kind of situation that had to be handled by negotiating a proactive agreement. I knew she didn't want to put herself in a position of being a danger to herself or others, or even to become embarrassing to herself or others. I also knew she hadn't faced any consequences in the past, except this one hangover.

So I drew up an agreement with her, and we talked about it the next night. She agreed that when we're out partying, she can drink as little or much as she wants - until, in my judgment, she's reached her limit. At that point, I will intervene.

Then, if she continues to drink, she will be disciplined, at a time and place of my choosing (once she's sobered up!).

It's really quite simple, but the best part was not the agreement but the conversation that took place as we went over it. She does trust that I won't invoke the agreement inappropriately (and in fact, it's "null and void" if I too am too tipsy to have sound judgment). I know that she can relax, enjoy herself, and know that, as she puts it, I have her back. I believe she'll do just fine.

In almost any other situation, if D does something that deserves a punishment, she knows it at the time, and we take care of it as soon as possible. Truth is, it doesn't happen very often at all. But this one deserved to be called out, talked through, and sort of "set in stone," so to speak, because if/when it happens again, she won't be thinking clearly.

And I know her well enough to know that, even if her brain is juiced up, this will get through: "Take one more drink, and you'll have to face my consequences tomorrow." Perhaps I could have done that the other night without all the conversation the next day, but I believe this is more fair and appropriate.

I'm fully aware that other doms would have handled it differently. But this works for D and I, and we both feel good about it. In fact, if you'd like to see her take on the matter, read her blog here.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Where have I been?

Given my last post was five months ago or so, I can't imagine anyone is actually still reading this blog. Somehow I got out of the habit and inertial took over, and the days became weeks, and the weeks became months.

So today I'm taking some action to reverse this process!

There's no way to adequately describe the past five months in great detail, but I can summarize, so I will.

With regard to D and I, it has been terrific. We did a couple more parties, for instance. We had the most amazing fun at the Boardwalk Badness weekend in Atlantic City. D really came into her element there, from being a vendor's model to participating at a "spanked straight" event at a girl's reformatory, to taking her first caning ever in an impromptu semi-private "clinic" conducted by a talented domme in front of about half a dozen on-lookers.

The entire weekend was fantastic, and it shall remain a prized memory for a long time to come.

A month or so ago, we attended a much smaller party, with just three couples (including us). These were folks we'd met at ShadowLane a while back and we knew we were all on the same wavelength and felt really comfortable with one another.

This was more of a bdsm (light) party than strictly spanking, and all three tops/doms had a blast putting all three subs/bottoms through their paces. We played a variety of games which all seemed to end with the same outcome: the ladies were naked, getting spanked, and quite a bit more.

For instance, for missing a question in Trivial Pursuit, the subs had to draw a "consequence" from a jar. These included things from performing a lap dance for the tops, to having their temperatures taken (the old-fashioned way!), to having the other subs lick their nipples, or check one another for wetness, or kissing each other with a bit of passion.

Both D and I wondered whether each of us would be comfortable with all of this, and we found out that, Hell yeah!

It was a remarkable weekend. One of my favorite memories is when the three subs were naked on a couch, backs to the room, knees on the cushions, and leaning over the back of the couch. The three tops took turns spanking them 1-2-3-2-1 back and forth. I loved seeing the three bottoms on display, and the sense of "sisterhood" that prevailed between the three subs.

So we've had fun at parties, and are getting ready now for what is billed as the last Florida Moonshine party in Tampa (although it's our first there). There will be newer friends we made in Atlantic City, and older friends from Shadowlane, and no doubt brand new friends we've yet to meet. We LOVE parties!

On a personal level, the past five months had highs and lows. My mother passed away at age 86. My father struggles with his own life now, after 66 years of marriage. There have been other personal setbacks for both D and I, but on the whole, it's been a good journey.

We are closer and more in love than ever. We recently passed our 2nd anniversary together. Our kink has grown deeper and we continue to explore new things. I can't wait to see what I post two years from now.

If someone is out there and you actually read this post, please consider leaving a comment. I'd love to hear from you!