I'm guilty as the next top to thinking that all she needs (whatever the circumstance) is a good spanking.
As I write this, D is feeling down and depressed. While I don't want to talk out of school, she says its a combination of things - from the endless stream of bad news in the world today (think Gulf oil spill, recession, fraud, endless political fighting leaving nothing getting done, etc.) to a host of personal issues which feel overwhelming to her right now.
We had scheduled two spanking parties this weekend, and have cancelled our appearance at both. She's just not into it!
Today, I got word that she was down in the dumps and I decided to come over to support and help her. After watching the USA lose in the World Cup, I got the "bright idea" that what D really needed was a good "centering" spanking. I believed that a good spanking would allow her to release what's inside.
I took her back in the bedroom and over my knee. Many spanks later, it was clear this wasn't going anywhere. She wasn't getting centered; she was simply getting spanked. She wasn't releasing anything; she was holding on even harder.
My bright idea wasn't so bright. I didn't know what else to do, so I left her on her own to sort through things, be by herself, and work through her funk. I didn't really want to leave her alone, but I began to feel that I wasn't helping much at all.
Wouldn't it be great to have a simple spanking take care of everything?
Sometimes, a spanking isn't the answer. And sometimes, being a Top is having to recognize that I don't have all the answers, all the time.
I will wait to hear from her. When I do, I will be more patient, be a better listener, and promise myself not to "move to solution" too quickly. I love her with all my heart, and I am torn up inside when she's in pain. But what I can do, all I can do really, is be with her, for her, beside her, and remind her how much she is loved. Good times, bad times, at all times.
Friday, June 25, 2010
A friend of mine is going through a probable breakup in her relationship. As we talked, she wondered about something that most of us in "the scene" have pondered many a time - is it really possible to find a romantic partner who is a good fit in the traditional sense - sharing of interests, compatible personalities, similar outlooks on politics, religion, etc, AND who shares our love of TTWD?
D and I are living proof that it can be done, and we're meeting more and more people who've been together for far longer than us, and who fully embrace both their vanilla and kinky sides. It's not easy, but it can be done.
It starts by being honest with yourself. For many, it's a journey of years just to accept ourselves as we are - people who love spanking, or bondage, or d/s, or whatever. Many of us have spent years in denial, or secrecy, barely able to admit these longings even to ourselves - let alone our partners.
But, once you've accepted who you are, you now know that you'll never truly be happy, or fulfilled, or fully engaged in a romantic relationship unless your partner has done the same. I know I could never give up my kink to have an otherwise ideal partner, just as much as I could never abandon my many vanilla interests and beliefs to be with the ideal spanko. It just wouldn't work.
So the journey to find that wonderful partner begins with becoming a wonderful partner to yourself, embracing all of yourself, loving who you are, not apologizing to yourself, or thinking you're crazy, or pretending it's just not that important.
Then, and only then, can you set your intentions on finding someone to love who can meet your needs, just as you can meet theirs.
That's the second step: declare your intentions. I'm not suggesting a public "outing" of yourself. I'm simply saying that you have to let the Universe know what you want, and that you expect to find that person. Until you know who you are, and what you want, they will elude you forever.
Once you've accepted who you are, and what you want (and remember - at this stage you're acknowledging that you simply won't settle for less that that), it's time to take action.
For me, it was a matter of putting up this blog and pushing it out into the internet. I was as honest as I knew how to be on the blog - this is me, this is what I want, these are my wrinkles and warts, and this is a description of who I'm looking for. Once it was launched, I then took another important step: I "let go" of the outcome.
I trusted that the best result would come my way. I believed then, as I believe now, that we all attract what we expect to attract, not just what we want to attract. I knew that sooner or later, D would come along. (Of course, I didn't know it would be D specifically!)
Other people take other actions. They start going to parties where they can meet like-minded people, for instance. Not with the specific expectation that this party will be the party where Mr. or Ms. Right will show up. But if they've let go of the outcome, it just might happen!
Or they join FetLife. Or start going to munches in their home town. Or even advertise on any number of fetish sites. (Before I was ready to really commit to finding someone special, I found a variety of very temporary play partners on Craigslist.)
The point is - you have to act. Put up a blog, go to some parties, join a social (kink-oriented) website.
The person you're looking for IS out there. It all lines up when:
- Both of you have accepted who you are,
- Both of you have decided to go for what you want, and
- Both of you have let go of the outcome, trusting that the Universe will provide.
Are kinky-oriented partners harder to find than simple vanilla ones? Maybe. But so what? If it's a choice between finding someone - anyone - to "have a relationship," and finding someone who's truly a soul-mate, then it really doesn't matter how hard it is.
It is possible, and it's so worth it I can't imagine any other path. Accept who you are, go for what you want, and stop trying to control the outcome. Let it happen. It will.
Posted by G at 3:40 PM
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
It's been a week and a half since we returned from the fantastic party at Florida Moonshine. Here's what happened:
First, we almost didn't make it. We flew to Dallas to get a connecting flight to Tampa - but our flight was cancelled! We had to spend a night at a motel in Dallas, "enjoying" dinner at Denny's. There went our plans to arrive a day early so we could relax before the party started!
The next day, we were able to get a flight to Chicago and then make connections to Tampa. Phew! Up arrival, the heat and humidity hit us pretty hard, but we enjoyed a limo to the hotel, stopping briefly for a few groceries for the mini-fridge.
The hotel was pretty cool, but unlike the facility at Boardwalk Badness, we had to pay attention to make sure we didn't offend all of the vanillas who were staying there. This made for some logistics problems, when we made our way from our suite to the large conference room for the all-hands gatherings. (Imagine D trying to wear her naughty school girl outfit under some kind of coverup so she wouldn't draw attention to herself on the elevator and you'll get the idea.)
The gathering the first night was pretty good. I didn't care much for the ice-breaker (too complicated!) but it was great to find old friends and start connecting with new ones. Before long, a couple we'd met (but hadn't played with) in Atlantic City strolled over. The Top (another D) blurted out that the Bottom, C, had something to say to us.
C is shy. But she mustered up her courage and said, "We'd like to play with you!"
We didn't want to waste much time, so the four of us abandoned the large gathering and retired to our suite. Soon, my D was over Top D's lap, and C was over mine, and lots of spanking ensued. Everyone had a blast. The girls just couldn't behave, and Top D and I couldn't let that go on for long!
Before long, my D and Top D were in the bedroom portion of the suite, and C and I were in the living room. Bottoms were bared and spanked - with hands, paddles, and my personal favorite, Thuddy Buddy (a leather strap).
I believe we returned to the large party, and then found our way into a variety of suite parties that were held on the top floor. (No pun intended!) The evening passed with a blur of spankings here and there, and I got to play briefly with several new (to me) people, as did D.
On Saturday, the main event during the day was an Academy for naughty girls, and D was a quite willing participant. Headmaster Tony (who helped organize the party) runs a tight ship, ably aided by two stern instructors: Rad and Abel. They administered a grammar test, which almost all of the girls promptly failed. (I think I might have as well!) Each received several swings of the cane - some more than others, given their academic performance. D did quite poorly on her exam, poor thing. She got six strokes, all publicly administered in front of a rapt audience.
In the afternoon, everyone relaxed. D even got a pedicure with one of her girlfriends. Later, we hooked up again with D and C, and this time, the spankings got harder and longer.
The highlight of the evening, long after the large social event, was D's caning from the infamous Miss Chris. She had tasted the Miss Chris's cane for the first time at Atlantic City, with two strokes at an impromptu demonstration.
This time, we watched with rapt attention as Miss Chris gave a very thorough demonstration with her own sub. Afterwards, I asked Miss Chris if she'd be willing to take the cane to D once again, because I knew how badly D wanted to try it again.
Ever willing and charming, Miss Chris led D back to the bedroom and placed her in position, a pillow beneath her tummy. D had dressed as a naughty secretary for the evening - she looked fabulous!
This time 'round, Miss Chris took a little longer with D. She got six strokes and loved every bit. She told me later she completely lost track of time, had no awareness of the dozen or so on-lookers, and really floated out into subspace. Good for D! And thanks, Miss Chris!
On Sunday, we all trooped into a "courtroom" where anyone could bring anyone up on charges and have a brief trial. StrictDave was the judge, just as he had been in Atlantic City. He runs a very fair, hilarious courtroom. I believe all his decisions were proper and correct (the bottom doesn't always lose), except for one.
You see, I brought D up on charges of being too good at the party, giving me fewer reasons to take her over my knee. We both went forward and gave our testimony, and to my utter disbelief, the crowd (and the judge) sided with D. I was ordered to give her fifteen minutes of "community service," which is patently unfair. Unfortunately, there is no court of appeals. So D escaped a public spanking this time. Damn!
The party drew to a close on Sunday afternoon, but many people stayed over until Monday. That meant that the suite parties were in full swing on Sunday night. After an afternoon playing in the waves of the Gulf (no oil spill here) and the pool, we had some dinner and made our way to the suite parties.
Whoa! Way overcrowded! D was feeling rather "out of it" and I have to admit, I wasn't jonesing on the stuffed suites either. Then a switch, who I shall have to call G2, came into the room and began talking with us. He really wanted to give D some discipline (he was as upset as me about the unfair outcome at trial). He suggested we come to his room where we'd have some peace and privacy.
Wow, what a scene! He quickly took command of the situation, and before long, poor D was over his knee getting some well-earned discipline while I watched. Ever thoughtful, I occasionally would hand G2 an implement to use. I'm like that. I'm a giver.
It was a wonderful evening after all, and G2 even offered to take us back to the airport the next day, which saved us another limo charge.
On Monday, we said all our goodbyes, and met up with G2 for the ride to the airport. We stopped at a Mexican restaurant for lunch, and wouldn't you know - D began to misbehave again. Already!
G2 had a great suggestion. Within a few minutes, both G2 and I had taken D into the men's room, locked the door, lowered her panties, and delivered some swift discipline. Now that was HOT!
On the way to the airport, I rode in the back seat with D, just in case. Sure enough, she couldn't resist being a bit naughty. Bang! Within a few seconds she was upended, put over my knee, and had her panties pulled off. (They were given to G2, who promptly hung them over the rear view mirror). I gave D a stern bare bottom spanking in the car on the freeway.
At last we reached the airport, and flew home on two uneventful flights.
I had to fly the next day for a two day business trip, which I felt badly about, because I couldn't be with D when she went through her party drop (and I get party drop too). But we got through that, and life quickly returned to normal. Whatever that is!
All in all, we had a great time at what was billed as the last Florida Moonshine Party (since Ian has moved back to England).
Now we're veterans of four large parties: 2 at ShadowLane, one Boardwalk Badness in Atlantic City, and Florida Moonshine. Each had incredible highlights, and each was different from the others in many ways.
Now we're looking forward to our next ShadowLane party in September in Las Vegas. Meantime, we've committed to two or three local affairs, varying from 6 to 15 or 20 people or so.
The folks who organized FMS should be proud - they did a great job. And to all the people we had the chance to meet and play with - wow - you really made it special. Can't wait to do it all again!
Posted by G at 2:18 PM
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Tomorrow D and I travel across country to the Florida Moonshine Party. This will be our fourth big organized party and first in Florida.
It's hard to focus on work today, but I must. I need to get things wrapped up and then start packing for tomorrow. We will be flying all day, but because we arrive the day before the party starts, we can relax, adjust to the jet lag, and be ready to play on Friday.
I've been busy "networking" with several wonderful (not to mention kinky!) friends and expect to have a great time trying to make time for everyone.
I know D is ready. She has a pattern of having lots of interest when we first register, and then letting it go for a while and laying low, and then just before the party she gets energized and ready to play.
She's got good timing, that one.
Posted by G at 12:01 PM