Saturday, August 28, 2010

Wish We Could Be There

At the beginning of the year, we had intentions of attending three large parties: Boardwalk Badness in Atlantic City, Florida Moonshine in Tampa, and Shadowlane in Las Vegas.

This was a a lot - perhaps too much, we wondered. After all, one of the things we've learned since coming together is that too much of a good thing is NOT a good thing. What is delicious, exciting or otherwise exceptional can become almost routine and predictable. Think of your favorite dessert - if you have it everyday, it loses its appeal.

So we wondered whether three big parties in a year would spoil the fun.

Well, this year at least, we shall never know.

We made it to Atlantic City and had a blast. Florida Moonshine came soon afterwards, and I remember we both wondered whether it was too soon. It wasn't. We had a blast.

In the three or four month interval between Florida Moonshine and Shadowlane, things in our vanilla life shifted, as we began to deal more often with the impact of the recession on our own businesses. Slowly but surely, things got worse and worse, to reach the point today where restoring financial stability is our number one priority. The "extras" that make our lives fun and exciting have to be put on hold. (This includes, but is certainly not only the spanking parties we love so much.)

We aren't going to learn whether three big parties in one year is too much, at least, not this year. We have had to cancel our RSVP for Shadowlane and let it go.

There are times, we've learned, that even spanking has to take a back seat (and no pun is intended). There are times when stuff comes up, and I'm not very interested in this wonderful kink, or D isn't either. We're learning to roll with these punches and let the desire resurface naturally and in it's own time. There was a time when I couldn't imagine going for a week without delivering a sound spanking, but it happens now from time to time.

I don't even worry too much about it. I've learned that the desire can deflate but it's only temporary. Its still in my genes, and in D's, and when we're able to let the wave just play itself out, things naturally return to the former state.

But I will admit I'm going to miss this year's Shadowlane party - a lot. I won't want to visit Fetlife, even, during the upcoming weekend. I don't really want to read everyone's party reports. I'm almost like a petulant child, making a face and sitting somewhere with my tongue stick out while my face turns red.

I wanted to go to this party, damn it!

But it's not in the cards.

And you have to play the hand you're dealt.


Sunday, August 8, 2010

8 Simple Rules for Spanking My Girlfriend

D and I enjoy spanking parties, from small, private house parties to large, famous sponsored parties like Florida Moonshine and Shadowlane. We play with others, in a variety of ways from publicly (in the ballroom), to privately – sometimes we’re together, sometimes we independently play with partners alone in our (or their) room.

There is often confusion when a Top wants to spank my girlfriend, especially when the three of us are not well acquainted. Perhaps we’ve just been introduced, or we’re all at the same suite party, and you’ve got a hankerin’ to take D over your knee.

If so, I have eight simple rules for doing so. PLEASE NOTE: These are my rules, not the rules. They may or may not apply to other bottoms and other couples.
  1. Don’t assume that just because you’re a Top, and she’s a bottom, and we’re at a spanking party, that she wants to be spanked by you. She might and she might not. It’s not a given. And speaking of saying “no,” that might or might not be about you. She may have something else she wants to do right now. She may just not feel like it. There’s countless reasons she might say “no.” But it is no. No means no. It doesn’t mean “not right now,” unless that is specifically what she says.
  2. If I’m present when you extend the invitation to play, it’s “professional courtesy” to speak to me first, just as you would if we were at a dance and you wanted to dance with her. It has to do with old-fashioned chivalry. I’d expect that you would give me the courtesy by saying something like “If it’s alright with you, I’m going to ask D to play.”
  3. That being said, D will make up her own mind whether she wants to play with you. I might not even be around when the invitation is extended; she is under no obligation to make sure it’s okay with me first. (That’s NOT the case for everyone, so if you ask a bottom to play and she tells you she – or you – must check with her Top first, do not be offended. That’s how some couples work it out and you must respect that.)
  4. If you’ve established yourself as a silent, non-speaking lurker or a creepy, leering guy who doesn’t understand personal space and/or respecting a scene when it’s unfolding in a suite party, don’t even ask if she wants to play. The answer is going to be no.
  5. You WILL engage in some conversation before playing so you’ll know her safe word, her choice of implements she’ll allow you to use, and any limits she has. Don’t assume you can “read” her body and her reactions because you’re such an experienced Top. Having her tell you what she wants (and doesn’t want) from a scene is not topping from the bottom. It’s common sense and courtesy and if you can’t engage in a conversation beforehand (no pun intended) then you may not play with her.
  6. You must allow D to let me know where she is at all times. If she wants to call me, text me, or otherwise communicate with me that must be honored. If you’re playing semi-privately with D in a suite party, I expect to be allowed to enter the bedroom at any time to make sure she’s doing okay and having fun.
  7. No sex. None. Not “real sex,” not “Bill Clinton” sex, not even an “accidental” stray hand in the wrong place sex. Anything that goes beyond spanking will be hazardous to your health.
  8. At all times, remember she’s there to party, just like you are. Spanking her so hard she can’t enjoy the rest of the party is verboten.  And your reputation will suffer. Never forget that word gets around quickly and you could soon find yourself without play partners.

So that’s it. It’s my version of “safe, sane, and consensual.” I want D to have a great time, and to play with whomever she wants. I trust her completely, as she does me. (By the way, I follow my own rules when I ask someone to play with me.) If you can stay within these guidelines, and she wants to play with you, you’re going to have a great time. If you can’t, there will be consequences.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Another great party experience...

D and I returned Sunday from another great party experience - a redux of an earlier party we'd created with two other couples.

We'd met the two couples at a Shadowlane party. Great rapport, and they live fairly nearby. Last May, we all got together for the first time on our own and had a blast.

Our private parties differ from a typical suite party at Shadowlane (or elsewhere). We take things a bit further in some ways. There's no role playing. The parties are far more sexual - yet there's no actual sex between partners, or even between ourselves in view of the others. The context is more about Topping and "Domming" than merely delivering an OTK for a few minutes to the three bottoms.

Most of the evening (we meet from about 4:00 p.m. until noon the next day) is centered on a game - and on something called "embarrassments." After some ice-breaker activity and dinner, we assemble in the large living room to play Trivial Pursuit. Sort of. Actually, Trivial Pursuit is just an excuse to move things along!

Each of the girls plays the game - the Tops have another assignment. As they play, they have a consequence for missing a question - they have to remove a piece of clothing. If you know Trivial Pursuit, you know it doesn't take long before there are three naked ladies in the room. That's when the action kicks up a notch.

The game continues with naked contestants, and now, when they miss a question, they roll the dice to see what happens next. If they roll a 1, 2, or 3 they get a spanking consequence. The implement is determined by another roll of the dice, and the spanker by a third roll.

If, however, they roll a 4, 5 or 6 they must pull an "embarrassment card" from a jar. Each girl has the same number of cards and by the time the game ends, they will all have pulled all of the cards. Each of these cards has an action the poor bottom must take (which are intended to push their limits) a bit. These have little to do with spanking, which is one way these parties are different from suite parties.

Here's some of the "embarrassments" the girls must do (and by the way, should they not be willing to do one, they can opt for a spanking instead) in no particular order:

  1. Do a lap dance for each of the tops. 
  2. Have each top take their temperature - the old fashioned way. 
  3. Give each of the other bottoms a steamy smooch - thirty second minimum. 
  4. Put on an apron, and serve a fresh beverage to anyone who wants it - in such a way that a Hooter's waitress would blush.
  5. Corner time! Take their position in the corner, nose on a quarter, until the next bottom pulls an embarrassment. 
  6. Suck the nipples of the other bottoms like they're going out of style - blindfolded, of course. 
  7. Kneel on a couch and give themselves a paddling while saying, "I've been a naughty girl and deserve to be spanked 24/7. 
  8. Guess the top! Take five swats with an implement from each top, and guess who went first, second and third. Guess wrong, and he'll do it again. 
  9. Getting hot and bothered? Better have each of the other bottoms give you a proper wetness check. 
All of the girls did all their embarrassments, and D tells me later that several of them pushed her limits, but because she completely trusted everyone in the room, and because she knew it would turn me on, she did them all. (She's right, they DID turn me on!)

After we're all spanked out, late in the evening, all three couples ended up cuddling on the three couches, getting soft massages, as the six of us sipped our beverages and simply talked about this and that. Mostly about the scene, about other parties, about our own histories in TTWD, etc. Late in the evening we all called it a night and drifted off to our own rooms. 

The next morning, we had breakfast, did some more spanking, and got lots of laughs. Now it was time for some group spanking (all three bottoms in position on a couch at the same time). We talked about what we had in common, and what made each of us unique. 

All too soon, the time to pack up for home had arrived. Just like last time, we talked about doing this again really soon. We'll see each other at Shadowlane in a month. Meantime, everyone felt great. We each brought some high personal stress to the party, and we all left relaxed and satiated. 

Thanks to all the participants for another great time! I can't wait to see how we change it, try new things, and do it all again.