D and I enjoy spanking parties, from small, private house parties to large, famous sponsored parties like Florida Moonshine and Shadowlane. We play with others, in a variety of ways from publicly (in the ballroom), to privately – sometimes we’re together, sometimes we independently play with partners alone in our (or their) room.
There is often confusion when a Top wants to spank my girlfriend, especially when the three of us are not well acquainted. Perhaps we’ve just been introduced, or we’re all at the same suite party, and you’ve got a hankerin’ to take D over your knee.
If so, I have eight simple rules for doing so. PLEASE NOTE: These are my rules, not the rules. They may or may not apply to other bottoms and other couples.
- Don’t assume that just because you’re a Top, and she’s a bottom, and we’re at a spanking party, that she wants to be spanked by you. She might and she might not. It’s not a given. And speaking of saying “no,” that might or might not be about you. She may have something else she wants to do right now. She may just not feel like it. There’s countless reasons she might say “no.” But it is no. No means no. It doesn’t mean “not right now,” unless that is specifically what she says.
- If I’m present when you extend the invitation to play, it’s “professional courtesy” to speak to me first, just as you would if we were at a dance and you wanted to dance with her. It has to do with old-fashioned chivalry. I’d expect that you would give me the courtesy by saying something like “If it’s alright with you, I’m going to ask D to play.”
- That being said, D will make up her own mind whether she wants to play with you. I might not even be around when the invitation is extended; she is under no obligation to make sure it’s okay with me first. (That’s NOT the case for everyone, so if you ask a bottom to play and she tells you she – or you – must check with her Top first, do not be offended. That’s how some couples work it out and you must respect that.)
- If you’ve established yourself as a silent, non-speaking lurker or a creepy, leering guy who doesn’t understand personal space and/or respecting a scene when it’s unfolding in a suite party, don’t even ask if she wants to play. The answer is going to be no.
- You WILL engage in some conversation before playing so you’ll know her safe word, her choice of implements she’ll allow you to use, and any limits she has. Don’t assume you can “read” her body and her reactions because you’re such an experienced Top. Having her tell you what she wants (and doesn’t want) from a scene is not topping from the bottom. It’s common sense and courtesy and if you can’t engage in a conversation beforehand (no pun intended) then you may not play with her.
- You must allow D to let me know where she is at all times. If she wants to call me, text me, or otherwise communicate with me that must be honored. If you’re playing semi-privately with D in a suite party, I expect to be allowed to enter the bedroom at any time to make sure she’s doing okay and having fun.
- No sex. None. Not “real sex,” not “Bill Clinton” sex, not even an “accidental” stray hand in the wrong place sex. Anything that goes beyond spanking will be hazardous to your health.
- At all times, remember she’s there to party, just like you are. Spanking her so hard she can’t enjoy the rest of the party is verboten. And your reputation will suffer. Never forget that word gets around quickly and you could soon find yourself without play partners.
So that’s it. It’s my version of “safe, sane, and consensual.” I want D to have a great time, and to play with whomever she wants. I trust her completely, as she does me. (By the way, I follow my own rules when I ask someone to play with me.) If you can stay within these guidelines, and she wants to play with you, you’re going to have a great time. If you can’t, there will be consequences.