Wednesday, August 8, 2012

The Real World and the Imagined World

When I began this blog over four years ago, I did not anticipate that there would be times when the Real World would be so vastly different from the Imagined World.

After all, I had just met a Real Woman who matched (and even exceeded) my Imagined Woman, when I thought about having a new relationship that included spanking and domestic discipline.

I thought that my blog would simply be a chronicle of our activities going forward, including the ups and downs (although I doubted there would be many of these!). I believed then that we could create any Real World we wanted from our imaginations. We had just done that - why couldn't that continue forever?

Here we are, four+ years later, and I've come to understand that there can be a wide gap between the Real World and any Imagined World, and that the trick to living in the Real World has to do with acceptance and letting go of imagined outcomes.

In the Real World of August, 2012, D and I are still together, but in a vastly different way than when we started back in 2008. We don't live together, of course. We see each other often, and we're great friends (and I think lovers), but we've evolved to a place where we describe our relationship as an Open Relationship, and, more importantly (at least as I write this), we do not center our lives around a shared kink experience by any means.

Yes, we're still "into" spanking and going to dungeons and play parties and all of that, but it's not the central focus of our lives these days. It's been replaced, as often happens when the Real World asserts itself, with attention to shaky finances, boredom and burnout with regard to our careers, and a general sense of "Is this all there is?" with regard to the world in general.

Speaking for myself only (and not necessarily for D), I find that my interest in kink tends to come and go nowadays. It becomes loud and clear from time to time, and it recedes into a quiet place to lie dormant at other times. This has happened enough for me not to worry when it recedes - it's not going to disappear and never come back. It's just "resting," I suppose.

That's where we are today - struggling with some real issues, both individually and as a couple, that have emerged in the Real World. We are planning to go to the Shadow Lane party at the end of the month, and we've both agreed to be "up" for that and "fake it till we make it" if necessary.

I'm looking forward to it. If nothing else, it will be a break from the Real World, and I'll get to see (and play) with good friends we've made over the past four years.