Loving Discipline

How I'm Moving On

2011-06-13T20:36:00.000-07:00

So many people have written or called to see how I’m doing, and to offer their love and support. That means a lot to me.

This post is about how I'm dealing with D these days, since we do live under the same roof for now and still have to untangle a few things like who owns what, etc.

I'm really writing this more as a journal piece for myself, but writing with the intension of publishing it gives me the chance to have people offer their own perspective to what I have to say. And I welcome the input.

So, how am I dealing with D?

The first thing I can say is that this dissolution is remarkably different than any I've lived through before, and that has everything to do with what choices I'm making, and almost nothing to do with what choices she has made.

Let me quote from an email I sent a friend yesterday who was offering their support and checking in with me. I wrote:

I'm already on the road to recovery. I won't be a victim. I won't wallow in self pity and I won't make a friend with revenge. I don't know how many years I've got left but I don't want to waste any of them feeling sorry for myself.

I've already started a healing journey, and even included D in part of it.

As Robert Frost, said, “All I know about life can be said in three words: it goes on.”

I guess you can’t have joy without sorrow, pain without pleasure, or life without death. It is what it is.

I can't deny nor diminish the pain and hurt that I feel. But I CAN choose how I want to respond. Choosing to dive into a pit of self-pity and flailing about asking "Why me?" is just not going to help.

I might feel better temporarily by exploding in rage, or flogging her mercilessly until she crumbles into a sobbing pool of tears, or figuring how clever ways to sabotage her as she moves on, but what's the point?

I'm not as angry as some would quickly say I have "a right" to be, I'm actually feeling more sorrow for her and the choices she's made, and for the journey she must now make to do the work, learn from her behavior, and create a new life for herself.

She's damaged a lot of people - she hasn't destroyed lives, but she's tossed a grenade into innocent lives and that's going to take a lot of therapy and self-examination and personal forgiveness for her to move on – at least in my opinion.

And I don't want to invest in anger at the expense of making good healing choices for me instead. It's tempting to get righteous, but it's simply not worth it.

As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." And I'm not going to give consent!”

So, after the dust settled when the first conversation took place on last Wednesday evening, I did a lot of reflecting, I gave myself some interior space to sort this all out, and by Saturday, I was ready to talk to D again, from a completely different perspective - that of one who knows the truth (or enough of the truth, at least).

And so we did. We talked and talked and talked. We cleared a lot of air. We 'fessed up to much smaller issues we'd both been keeping secret or holding back or otherwise avoiding because we were afraid of upsetting an applecart or hurting the other's feelings or perhaps just admitting to ourselves.

I'm going to grieve the loss of my loving relationship with D for quite a while, I suppose. It is gone and probably will never return. That being said, we reached a place where we both feel we might actually remain in one another's lives in a much different - and much more honest - way.

Please know that I haven't lost my senses. I'm not crazy. I have my heart very carefully protected and that's going to stay that way with her for a long time. I fully recognize that it's one thing to say you're sorry and it's another to demonstrate you've made real, fundamental change and grown from your mistakes.

And I'm not being tolerant or understanding or even forgiving because I'm holding on to a secret hope that we can work all this out and go back to the way we were. I know the relationship we once had is over. Dead, and soon to be buried.

But can I forgive her? And does that matter?

I can, and I will, and I've started to do just that. I'm not doing that for her sake, I'm doing that for mine. Holding on to what most would certainly called justifiable angst and judgment and anger and all of that isn't going to serve me. I'm not exploring forgiveness to make her journey easier; I'm doing to heal myself.

Beyond that, I believe my forgiveness of her doesn't really matter, at the end of the day, in terms of her own healing journey. I suppose it might be easier for her to know that I'm not going to play the victim card, and that I'm not going to do things to sabotage her life.

But that still doesn't take her off her own hook when she looks in the mirror. She knows what she's done; she's taken responsibility, and those are the first steps. Maybe even the easiest steps. Now she has to do the work.

And, to be honest, I have to do my work as well. I have to face my own issues, such as the tendency to look the other way when things aren't working, rather than putting them on the table. The issue of always wondering, "Am I good enough, smart enough, patient enough, attractive enough?" The issue of becoming so comfortable in my own skin that I can be alone and be okay.

So here's the way it is. D and I are certainly on "speaking" terms. We're going about the important (and required) business of finding separate places to live, and sorting out our mixed collections of everything from kitchen gadgets to furniture. We're working it out. We're not walking on eggshells.

The one thing that I think is recoverable from this earthquake, the one thing that might be salvaged, is the friendship I have always treasured with D. Not the romantic, loving, exclusive and intimate relationship, but the friend I could engage in conversations about politics, or world peace, or great movies.

As I dash from the pile of rubble grabbing my emotional possessions, trying to sort out what to take, and what to toss, that's what I hope to keep.

So that's how I'm dealing with D. Just in case you wondered.

When you hit the perfect storm, there's always a proverbial silver lining: reinvention. Let go, move through the confusion, embrace the ambiguity, focus on attracting what you want, let go of the outcome, and trust the process. Or, pour yourself a double Scotch.

It's five o'clock somewhere, isn't it???

Sunrise, Sunset

2011-06-05T12:49:00.000-07:00

As the song goes:

Sunrise, sunset

Swiftly fly the years.

One season following another

Laden with happiness and tears.

There are at least two things no dom can do: make someone fall in love with you, and make them stay in love with you.

My three year saga with D is now in it’s final chapter, at least in the form that it began. We are moving apart, and more importantly, we are not going to be a “couple” anymore. While we’ll remain friends, we will both be moving on.

For newcomers to this blog, you can read all the posts about how the relationship began (with this blog, actually) and about our loving relationship that followed. But nothing is forever, and our relationship as lovers has entered the end game.

The beginning of the end actually came many months ago. You can read D’s take on it here: and my first reactions here.

I’m struck, as I look at my post, with the final paragraph:

I just hope against hope that all of this stuff - health issues, financial issues, and so on don't prove fatal to what has been the most incredible, powerful, loving, amazing relationship I've ever known.

Indeed, they proved fatal.

They say people come into your lives for a reason, for a season, or for a lifetime. D came into mine for all three – but not in the ways I might have expected.

Perhaps the reason she came into my life was to allow me to affirm who I am, and embrace myself completely, rather than hide my “kinky” side, not only from the world, but from myself. I am what I am, and through my relationship with D, I learned to celebrate who I am.

Loving D and having the kind of relationship we had for three years is a long season in the sun. It is something for which I’ll be forever grateful. If I’ve given D anything I’m proud and humbled at the opportunity to have touched her life. It’s very clear that D has given me much more than I had dared to hope for and she has touched me more deeply than any other person ever has.

Our season together was wonderful, amazing, empowering, fun, delightful, and so many other things. We proved to ourselves that love is possible, that it is worth the risks taken to find it, that it is the source of growth, compassion, and purpose.

I shall never stop loving D, no matter where her path takes her, or my path takes me. I hope that she will feel the same way – but again, even if not, one thing I can’t lose is the choice of loving her and hoping she finds a path with heart.

When D’s challenge with menopause (and other things) began to overwhelm her, I reacted in the classic first stage of grief: denial and isolation. I hoped and believed that this was temporary, that she’d handle it (and we’d handle it) and things would soon return to normal.

I was overwhelmed and unsure how to be supportive and helpful, but I did my best. I tried to be there for her when she wanted companionship and affirmation, and give her space to have “alone time” when she wanted that.

Time passed, and the menopause and other factors (one financial crisis after another, for example) continued to interfere with a return to normalcy. Predictably, as I look back, I moved into the second stage of grief: anger.

I was really, really angry – not at D, but at the whole damn world and the factors that were taking away everything precious in my life. During this period, both of my parents passed away, my college-age daughters completely withdrew from my life for reasons I still don’t understand, and my business continued to languish in this lousy economy. These were all things well beyond my control and I felt helpless and angry.

It was like the proverbial clichéd metaphor – everything I cherished was slipping through my fingertips like sand.

Angry? You bet I was angry – but I didn’t know what to do with the anger, and so I bottled it up. I wasn’t angry with D, (none of this was her “fault”) and I didn’t know how to share my anger with her in the midst of her own physical and other challenges. I couldn’t bring myself to add to her burdens the burden of “being there” for me.

So I bottled it up.

As time moved on, our financial problems forced us into an uncomfortable situation. We were both strapped, and to make ends meet, we had decided to move back in with one another. It was an arrangement born of convenience but not of real choice. I moved into her townhouse, and remain there to this day. It was far from ideal – it has always felt like “her” place, and we’re cramped and have too little privacy. Not ideal, and certainly not healthy for a relationship in trouble.

But perhaps it was the fact that the townhouse was sold, and the new owner let her know he would be raising the rent and asking for a year’s lease that forced the two of us to finally talk about all the things going on under the surface. We’d been living together, being civil and friendly and staying as much as possible out of each other’s way. I was still hoping her physical troubles would end and that we’d go back to how we were, but that’s not what was going to happen.

So, we both admitted to each other that we had to move. Even though I believed (and continue to believe) that we could find another place that was bigger, more private for each of us, and still save money over renting two places, D was very clear. What she needs right now perhaps more than anything is to be alone, on her own, and finding her way. She even entertains the idea of moving out of state (or out of country, for that matter).

It finally became very clear to me that our relationship – the one we’d started as a result of this blog and had for over two years before all of the crap started happening – was over. I’d moved from stage three of grief: bargaining (If I just do this or that, perhaps “the universe” would let things go back to normal) into depression.

Which is where I am today. Depressed and isolated and rather immobilized. I get the feeling that D is as well but she’ll have to speak for herself.

We’ve cleared the air, we came through that conversation intact and without the all-too-common fighting, blaming, etc. that characterizes the end game of so many relationships. That was never the way we were together – and it won’t be now, either. She’s not leaving me for another (nor am I leaving her for another). She’s not leaving because I wasn’t “good enough” or because I acted in ways that she couldn’t accept.

Like the movie title, “She’s just not that into me” anymore. She’s had a change of heart.

Or perhaps it’s better to put that another way. D doesn’t find, in the possibilities of a committed, intimate, and yes, kinky relationship with me, what she wants and needs right now. She hasn’t felt that way for a long time – and she was much too compassionate to tell me “It’s time to move on” earlier – because of all the other things I was dealing with (like the deaths of my parents and my children’s behavior). There just never was a good time until the issue got forced by the new landlord.

So I’m depressed but aware there’s a fifth stage of grief: acceptance. And to be honest I can taste it already. Over the past six months, I’ve had plenty of time to begin to experience what it might be like if we dissolved this relationship as it was constructed and found independent paths to follow. It’s probably easier to move from depression to acceptance when the cause of the grief isn’t so sudden. The signs have been there for a long time even as I tried to deny them, get angry about them, or try to bargain them away.

So what’s next for me?

First of all, a new place to live. Much as I have moving, it’s unavoidable. I’ve already begun the pruning and discarding of old, unwanted things. (That’s been symbolic as well – as I discard the old, I know I’m making room for the new.)

And what will become of this blog? Well, I haven’t been very active with it in a while. I don’t know where it goes. Perhaps as this last chapter of our initial relationship comes to a close, so does this blog.

I’ll leave it up for now because I know there are so many people (particularly in the kink world) who want to know some truths about finding, maintaining, and even ending relationship such as ours. Perhaps I’ll blog some more in the coming weeks about my experience of life “alone again, naturally.”

And I hope, and know that those of you who know both D and I will wish for us both peace, love, and joy.

To all the tops and bottoms and doms and subs out there, let me remind you once again: you can’t make someone love you, and you can’t make them stay in love with you.

What you can do, what you always have the choice to do, is to love others, unconditionally. The most important insight I have about my experiences with D is that I, perhaps for the first time in my life, was able to love her for her, without condition, not because she loved me, not because of what she could or would do for me, but simply because of who she is. Maybe that’s the reason she came into my life – so that I could learn what it was like to simply, unconditionally, love another person.

Bon voyage, D. May you continue to walk the path with heart.

Boardwalk Badness Weekend in review

2011-05-03T12:03:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a while since I've blogged. What can I say?

I've just returned home from Atlantic City, where I was among the 200+ guests at the (now becoming) famous Boardwalk Badness Weekend party. D and I were there last year, but this year, it was just me. D is just not quite ready to return to the scene. (But she didn't stay home and moan and groan about it - she went to Florida to watch the shuttle launch!)

I had mixed feelings about attending the party. For starters, I hadn't played with anyone at all in the past several months. It was a bit odd to imagine myself going from complete deprivation to total immersion in one fell swoop! I wasn't sure exactly how I would feel when I would find myself surrounded by old friends (and new ones as well) who were all not only in the scene, but ready to play!

For another, I'm not at my best in parties (of any kind) when I'm on my own. Interestingly, I'm fine - I'm in my element, actually, when I'm in charge of an event involving large numbers of people. I can get up in front of them, make presentations, be funny, be in command of the unfolding event, and so on - but if I'm simply a participant, I get shy and reserved, and often feel like I don't belong there. I know that's foolish but it is what it is.

So off I went to Atlantic City - and getting there turned out to be a challenging adventure. Because of the tornadoes that struck the south last week, flying was not easy. I made it to D.C. on the red eye fairly easily, although we had to circle the airport for 45 minutes before landing. Then the fun began.

My connecting flight to Philly was delayed, and then cancelled. They were able to reroute me through Harrisburg and then on to Philly, but then THAT flight was delayed. And then it was delayed again. And when it finally came to pass, I knew I would miss my connection flight to Philly. And then there was the question of whether my checked luggage would make it (I had started out on United Airlines and was now being booked on a US Air flight.

I finally made it to Harrisburg, and then got paged because they had pulled my checked bag OFF the plane. They realized their error, and told me they would put it back on the flight back to Philly. My connecting flight was late as well, so I was able to board it and get to Philly. Upon arrival, I learned that my checked bag was lost. LOST!

Getting to Atlantic City was my next challenge. I have a friend who had agreed to meet me at the airport that morning and take me to the train station. Now it was evening, but she really came through for me - meeting me at the airport and driving me all the way to AC. I was very grateful.

And the next morning, my luggage was delivered to the Chelsea Hotel. All's well that ends well - and I kept reminding myself that hundreds of people in the south had a horrible experience with the tornadoes, and my traveling challenges paled by comparison.

But it did take about 23 hours, mostly awake, to get from home to Atlantic City. Phew!

Anyway...

I won't review all the party in this post - perhaps next time. But here's some headlines:

The party was amazingly well organized and lots of fun for just about everyone I talked to. The organizers are getting lots of kudos afterwards, and they deserve every single one. If I were to attend only one spanking party per year, this would be it.

I had the opportunity to play with a few people, and it was indeed fun. Whatever I was worrying about it terms of total immersion simply disappeared. It was just like old times.

One of my highlights had to be spanking people bare bottom on the bow of a 60-foot boat that was rented for the exclusive use of 44 intrepid souls from the party as we cruised out into the ocean. Hard to spank, keep your balance, and not fall overboard all at the same time.

All in all, I had a good time, and I was glad I went. But I missed D a LOT. In particular, Saturday evening, which was the theme dinner party. Everyone, including me, was dressed in Boardwalk Empire outfits and lots of people had put a lot into their appearance. I'd even purchased a genuine beaver bowler hat for my outfit (and got several complements). But in the middle of this dinner, I suddenly felt incredibly lonesome and missing D a lot - in part because I knew how much she would have enjoyed getting into some kind of 1920s outfit, and in part because I just wanted to have her on my arm at an event like this. It wasn't about spanking at all - it was about being together and enjoying an event together like we had in the past.

So I left that event early and went back to my room and just allowed myself to feel my lonesomeness for a while.

The next day (the last day) was quite fun, in spite of the fact that I thought that for me the party was over and I wanted to be home. It began with the Disciplinary Court which, as always, was a laugh riot. Then came the "sea cruise" which was a new event not officially part of the party but organized by a participant.

We arrived at the boat about 5:30 or so to find it was not at all what anyone had in mind. We boarded a 50 or 60 foot fishing boat, which didn't have food, drink, or music (all of which I had imagined), and off we went.

Well, perhaps the boat wasn't the prettiest or the fanciest, but with 44 spankos aboard, it was just a blast. The jokes about our "three hour tour" began in earnest, and comparisons to Ginger, Mary Ann, Gilligan, the Professor, and all the other characters soon sprang into life.

And here's the funniest part: the ship's captain thought we were an "Adult Speaking Group," (whatever THAT is), not an Adult Spanking Group. This gave rise to a new fetish on Fetlife: being "into" Adult Speaking.

Coming home was another adventure. I set my alarm for 7 PM instead of 7 AM by accident, and consequently completely missed my scheduled return flights and had to book a new flight home. I finally dragged my tired butt into my place at midnight - no late flights, no rebookings, and no lost luggage. Phew!

So - it was a fun party, and I'm glad I went. I still wish D had been able to be with me - it simply wasn't the same without her.

Making adjustments

2011-02-03T07:34:00.000-08:00

D and I have settled into the new reality, I believe. While neither of us is happy with the tumbles in our lives right now, it feels like we've at least accepted what's going on. And I suppose that's a key toward moving forward.

It's been a journey of starts and stops for me, as I try to become as supportive of D as I can as she comes to grip with menopause. Sometimes I give her space and "alone" time, and other times I spend with her just "hanging out." I don't mind either time if it's helpful to her.

I do get the feeling that sometimes I get it backwards, meaning I'm giving her space when she actually wants company, or I'm hanging out with her when she's craving some alone time, but we're working on that. I know it's incredibly hard for her to both feel the symptoms of menopause and try to "teach" me how to best be supportive.

But we're inching forward, day by day.

It's funny and almost irritating sometimes how my spanking gene refuses to lay low. D may have lost her kink, but not me. It's been persistent even as we both dealt with our challenges. I still want to spank. The urge ain't going to go away, nor is it going to lay low.

D and I talked about it for awhile last night. The bottom line (no pun intended, really!) is that, with D's encouragement and support, I am going to put some feelers out there for play dates who happen to live in our area.

We've both played privately at parties, and we both trust one another completely. So, for me to make a date to spank someone else outside of a party is, as we see it, a natural extension of party play. And it's something I have intended to do anyway, long before D's hiatus began.

I feel a bit awkward, however. I don't want to create a vibe for a play date that says, "Hey, let's play, but just until D gets better," after all. So let me make it clear: if I have the good fortune to meet someone who is on the same page with me in terms of spanking, she will become a good friend for as long as we both feel the chemistry. When D returns to Kinksville, as I believe she will, I will continue to spank others, as I have at parties.

By the way, for the curious, this new adventure is not about sex. It's about spanking. From funishment to punishment, from role playing to "just because." I am NOT looking for a sexual relationship.

I know, I know - the debate about whether spanking is sexual goes on and on. That's for another post. I know the differences, I know where they overlap, and I'm confident that one does not have to lead to the other.

So, we'll see what happens. I'm going to encourage any potential play dates to contact D before we meet, if they want a "reference," and to check out my story as well. They can email her, phone her, or even meet for coffee. Neither of us have anything to hide.

Meantime, it's 7:30 a.m. and time to get started with another day. See you down the line!

Crumbling Dreams

2011-01-27T15:00:00.000-08:00

If you've read much of this blog, you know that it's the chronicles of D and I, who met as a result of this very blog. We began our relationship nearly three years ago.

Tonight, as I write this, it feels like all my dreams are crumbling around me. I know D feels the same. You can read her blog for some of her perspective.

Last year was a rough one for both of us. For me, it was the year that both of my parents passed (in January and November). It was a year when my business revenue hit new lows, to the point where I had to file for bankruptcy in December.

D and I had found an ideal living arrangement (for us) which involved renting two houses that were only three blocks apart. Situated like this, we could easily be together as much as we wanted, and get plenty of "alone" time as needed. It was perfect. I loved my little house, and she loved hers.

With both of us struggling financially the second half the year it finally made no sense to pay for two places, so I gave mine up and moved in with D. While it works on a financial level, it's been less than ideal on a human level.

For instance, D had to give up being able to park her car in her garage, since it's now filled with a lot of my junk that is stored there. I had to give up my cute little house and move into a bedroom on the first floor of the townhouse. We both had to give up a lot of privacy. Yes, we've been saving money on expenses, and there are some other advantages to living together that we enjoy, but this place is "hers," not "ours," as much as we try to see it differently, and it's cramped quarters for the both of us.

Then, D began to experience symptoms of menopause a few months ago. As they progressed, our relationship began to change. She lost her libido and her kink. Poof! Gone - vanished - disappeared. So, there went our sex life, and there went our mutual interest (until then) in spanking and such.

I began to research menopause to see what I could do to help. Frankly, beyond the obvious, there's not much I can do. I can be patient (and I am), I can make sure I don't take her mood swings personally (I don't), and I can give her space when she needs it, and be available to her when she needs that.

But the net result of all this is that so many of the dreams I had when I first published this blog, and which began to come to fruition shortly afterwards, are now crumbling around us. Neither of us wanted what's happening to happen, and both of us feel like forces far greater than us are at play here.

D is the most important person in my life, and I stand ready to do whatever I can to be her friend. For example, if that means we move once again into different apartments, then that's what we'll do.

D had planned to come to the Boardwalk Badness Weekend with me for some time now. We had such a blast last year. It dawned on me that this year, she was probably coming only because she cares enough about me that she wanted me to come and have fun. She didn't want to play, but she did want to connect with old friends. I discussed all of this with her, and "released" her from any obligation to attend.

I appreciate her willingness, but if her heart's not into it, then she shouldn't go. I still plan to attend, unless additional financial pressures make it impossible.

I just hope against hope that all of this stuff - health issues, financial issues, and so on don't prove fatal to what has been the most incredible, powerful, loving, amazing relationship I've ever known.

Time will tell.

A new chapter - the plot thickens...

2010-12-29T23:26:00.000-08:00

Well, Gentle Reader, it's been awhile again. And the plot has definitely thickened. There's trouble in Paradise, and it looks like some rough water ahead.

So let me get serious.

D and I have been out of sync for a while. Two or three months, perhaps. At first I was blaming the fact that we both had some tremendous personal challenges, from dealing with deaths in the family to the crushing stress of the lackluster economy on our self-employment. But it turns out there was more going on that I had imagined.

Yesterday, D sent me an email containing a message she intended to publish on FetLife and on her own blog as well. I'm going to reproduce it here:

So Long, and Thanks For All The Fish

My kink is gone. Vanished. Gone down some black hole not destined to emerge anytime soon.

My libido is non-existent. Nada. Dead.

These days I’m either extremely sad/depressed or happy and overjoyed. No in-between. A veritable roller-coaster of emotions. Feeling like I’m going fucking insane.

My self-esteem is at the lowest it could ever be. When looking in the mirror (which I try to avoid at all costs these days), I just see an old, fat and ugly woman staring back.

When did all this happen? I can’t really put a date on it. But it did all come on rather suddenly. It was like a switch was flipped and I realized I’m not the person I was, and will never be again. And that really pisses me off, because I really liked her.

Oh, did I mention the hot flashes and the cold sweats?

Yes, so it seems that I might be going through the evil that is Menopause. Being a woman “of a certain age” (I loathe that phrase - the hell with it, I’m 48), it seems the most likely of scenarios. I am told it might last a couple months to several years.

Great.

So while I’m going through this “period” (pun intended), I have decided at the beginning of the new year I will be discontinue my blog and be taking down my Fetlife profile. I haven’t done anything with either for a long time and honestly I’m not comfortable any longer with pics, etc. being online. Fankly, looking at them just depresses me even further.

There have been many wonderful people I have met through this part of my life and I am grateful for that. I hope I do not offend or make friends feel like I don’t care. I do. My problem is, I hardly have the energy these days to keep me going and I’ve got nothing left over for anything or anyone else.

The best person I have been blessed to have as part of my life is G. Through all this is has been a gentleman and much more understanding that I know I have ever would have been. That’s all I’ll say here, I’ll let him elaborate if he wishes. I just want him to know I am grateful and I do not take him at all for granted.

Hopefully with a new year, will come new realizations. I sure hope so. I don’t know how much longer I can take this insanity.

So you can see what I mean about heading into a new chapter of our relationship.

My reaction to her post was kaleidoscopic. By that I mean that I had/have several reactions, which I'm still sorting out (and will be sorting out for some time to come). Here's some of them, in no particular order:

D is suffering big time. Can I help? Can I be there for her? How DO you help a woman facing menopause?
OMG! Is this the end of us? Will her lack of interest in kink and sex be permanent, as she seems to think at the moment, and if so, does that mean we're through as lovers?
What else can this lousy year 2010 throw at us?
What does a "Responsible Top" do in situations like this, anyway?
Can I live without delivering frequent (or any, for that matter) spankings for a while? (Answer: Yes, of course I can.)
Should I give her more space? Even avoid her as much as possible?
For that matter, should I move out and find another place (yet again) to live in?
On the other hand, if I give her too much space, will she get used to not having me around?
Can I learn not to take the mood swings personally?

The list goes on and on. For most of the questions, I do not have any answers. Yet.

Here's the thing: I love D. I hate that she has to go through this, and I'm determined she doesn't have to go through it alone (if she'll let me learn how to support her). Spanking, as wonderful as it is, takes second place (a distant second) to being her friend. So does sex. Spanking may have brought us together, but it isn't the only thing that keeps us together. In fact, if it were, I would find that troublesome.

The chapter has just begun and we've only "read" a few pages. I have no idea how this will play out. I have found that at times, when I think about what's happening, I get anxious. At other times, I feel a sense of calm confidence that we can get through this, no matter how difficult, and no matter how long it takes.

All I know is we were both surprised, or stunned, and that D is hurting and I want to take care of her, and I don't really know the best way to support her right now. But I'm going to learn. I've already begun the internet research and found a GREAT website/forum which has tons of information. My job right now is to learn, learn, and learn some more about this situation.

If you have any suggestions, or advice, please post a comment below. And - thanks for reading.

Checking back in...

2010-11-17T08:27:00.000-08:00

Greetings, Gentle Reader.

It's been a while. Too long a while. Nearly every blog I've read has its seasons, beginning with a lot of posts, then tapering off, then (usually) a re-energized commitment to blogging, and then?

I'm no exception. The Real World - the Vanilla World - has had its way with me. It's been a remarkable year with a LOT of setbacks, disappointments, course corrections, and the like. Both D and I have been handling more than the usual share of challenges these past few months.

But here I am, Gentle Reader, back at the keyboard, putting up another post. Life indeed goes on, and both D and I are here, doing well and putting one foot in front of the other, as we take life one day at a time. (Is that enough cliches for you?)

I was so pleased the other day to see a new comment on this blog, from Rena, who said, "Hi, I am really getting a kick out of reading your blog. It's great! I want to add you to my blogroll. It's funny how a simple comment can make such a difference. It's thanks to Rena that I've come back to the keyboard to begin anew.

(By the way, check out her blog: Assume the Position. It's quite good.)

D and I have secured our tickets and hotel reservations for what might be 2011's hottest spanking party, the Boardwalk Badness in Atlantic City in April. We can't wait. It was an amazing event in 2010 and the hosts are committed to taking it to yet another level - which seems nearly impossible, given how good it was last year.

That's about it for now. Just a quick post to let my Gentle Readers know that we're both still here, we're doing fine, and we look forward to doing TTWD all over again.

Be well!

Wish We Could Be There

2010-08-28T11:18:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of the year, we had intentions of attending three large parties: Boardwalk Badness in Atlantic City, Florida Moonshine in Tampa, and Shadowlane in Las Vegas.

This was a a lot - perhaps too much, we wondered. After all, one of the things we've learned since coming together is that too much of a good thing is NOT a good thing. What is delicious, exciting or otherwise exceptional can become almost routine and predictable. Think of your favorite dessert - if you have it everyday, it loses its appeal.

So we wondered whether three big parties in a year would spoil the fun.

Well, this year at least, we shall never know.

We made it to Atlantic City and had a blast. Florida Moonshine came soon afterwards, and I remember we both wondered whether it was too soon. It wasn't. We had a blast.

In the three or four month interval between Florida Moonshine and Shadowlane, things in our vanilla life shifted, as we began to deal more often with the impact of the recession on our own businesses. Slowly but surely, things got worse and worse, to reach the point today where restoring financial stability is our number one priority. The "extras" that make our lives fun and exciting have to be put on hold. (This includes, but is certainly not only the spanking parties we love so much.)

We aren't going to learn whether three big parties in one year is too much, at least, not this year. We have had to cancel our RSVP for Shadowlane and let it go.

There are times, we've learned, that even spanking has to take a back seat (and no pun is intended). There are times when stuff comes up, and I'm not very interested in this wonderful kink, or D isn't either. We're learning to roll with these punches and let the desire resurface naturally and in it's own time. There was a time when I couldn't imagine going for a week without delivering a sound spanking, but it happens now from time to time.

I don't even worry too much about it. I've learned that the desire can deflate but it's only temporary. Its still in my genes, and in D's, and when we're able to let the wave just play itself out, things naturally return to the former state.

But I will admit I'm going to miss this year's Shadowlane party - a lot. I won't want to visit Fetlife, even, during the upcoming weekend. I don't really want to read everyone's party reports. I'm almost like a petulant child, making a face and sitting somewhere with my tongue stick out while my face turns red.

I wanted to go to this party, damn it!

But it's not in the cards.

And you have to play the hand you're dealt.

Pooh!

8 Simple Rules for Spanking My Girlfriend

2010-08-08T09:43:00.000-07:00

D and I enjoy spanking parties, from small, private house parties to large, famous sponsored parties like Florida Moonshine and Shadowlane. We play with others, in a variety of ways from publicly (in the ballroom), to privately – sometimes we’re together, sometimes we independently play with partners alone in our (or their) room.

There is often confusion when a Top wants to spank my girlfriend, especially when the three of us are not well acquainted. Perhaps we’ve just been introduced, or we’re all at the same suite party, and you’ve got a hankerin’ to take D over your knee.

If so, I have eight simple rules for doing so. PLEASE NOTE: These are my rules, not the rules. They may or may not apply to other bottoms and other couples.

Don’t assume that just because you’re a Top, and she’s a bottom, and we’re at a spanking party, that she wants to be spanked by you. She might and she might not. It’s not a given. And speaking of saying “no,” that might or might not be about you. She may have something else she wants to do right now. She may just not feel like it. There’s countless reasons she might say “no.” But it is no. No means no. It doesn’t mean “not right now,” unless that is specifically what she says.
If I’m present when you extend the invitation to play, it’s “professional courtesy” to speak to me first, just as you would if we were at a dance and you wanted to dance with her. It has to do with old-fashioned chivalry. I’d expect that you would give me the courtesy by saying something like “If it’s alright with you, I’m going to ask D to play.”
That being said, D will make up her own mind whether she wants to play with you. I might not even be around when the invitation is extended; she is under no obligation to make sure it’s okay with me first. (That’s NOT the case for everyone, so if you ask a bottom to play and she tells you she – or you – must check with her Top first, do not be offended. That’s how some couples work it out and you must respect that.)
If you’ve established yourself as a silent, non-speaking lurker or a creepy, leering guy who doesn’t understand personal space and/or respecting a scene when it’s unfolding in a suite party, don’t even ask if she wants to play. The answer is going to be no.
You WILL engage in some conversation before playing so you’ll know her safe word, her choice of implements she’ll allow you to use, and any limits she has. Don’t assume you can “read” her body and her reactions because you’re such an experienced Top. Having her tell you what she wants (and doesn’t want) from a scene is not topping from the bottom. It’s common sense and courtesy and if you can’t engage in a conversation beforehand (no pun intended) then you may not play with her.
You must allow D to let me know where she is at all times. If she wants to call me, text me, or otherwise communicate with me that must be honored. If you’re playing semi-privately with D in a suite party, I expect to be allowed to enter the bedroom at any time to make sure she’s doing okay and having fun.
No sex. None. Not “real sex,” not “Bill Clinton” sex, not even an “accidental” stray hand in the wrong place sex. Anything that goes beyond spanking will be hazardous to your health.
At all times, remember she’s there to party, just like you are. Spanking her so hard she can’t enjoy the rest of the party is verboten. And your reputation will suffer. Never forget that word gets around quickly and you could soon find yourself without play partners.

So that’s it. It’s my version of “safe, sane, and consensual.” I want D to have a great time, and to play with whomever she wants. I trust her completely, as she does me. (By the way, I follow my own rules when I ask someone to play with me.) If you can stay within these guidelines, and she wants to play with you, you’re going to have a great time. If you can’t, there will be consequences.

Another great party experience...

2010-08-02T13:32:00.000-07:00

D and I returned Sunday from another great party experience - a redux of an earlier party we'd created with two other couples.

We'd met the two couples at a Shadowlane party. Great rapport, and they live fairly nearby. Last May, we all got together for the first time on our own and had a blast.

Our private parties differ from a typical suite party at Shadowlane (or elsewhere). We take things a bit further in some ways. There's no role playing. The parties are far more sexual - yet there's no actual sex between partners, or even between ourselves in view of the others. The context is more about Topping and "Domming" than merely delivering an OTK for a few minutes to the three bottoms.

Most of the evening (we meet from about 4:00 p.m. until noon the next day) is centered on a game - and on something called "embarrassments." After some ice-breaker activity and dinner, we assemble in the large living room to play Trivial Pursuit. Sort of. Actually, Trivial Pursuit is just an excuse to move things along!

Each of the girls plays the game - the Tops have another assignment. As they play, they have a consequence for missing a question - they have to remove a piece of clothing. If you know Trivial Pursuit, you know it doesn't take long before there are three naked ladies in the room. That's when the action kicks up a notch.

The game continues with naked contestants, and now, when they miss a question, they roll the dice to see what happens next. If they roll a 1, 2, or 3 they get a spanking consequence. The implement is determined by another roll of the dice, and the spanker by a third roll.

If, however, they roll a 4, 5 or 6 they must pull an "embarrassment card" from a jar. Each girl has the same number of cards and by the time the game ends, they will all have pulled all of the cards. Each of these cards has an action the poor bottom must take (which are intended to push their limits) a bit. These have little to do with spanking, which is one way these parties are different from suite parties.

Here's some of the "embarrassments" the girls must do (and by the way, should they not be willing to do one, they can opt for a spanking instead) in no particular order:

Do a lap dance for each of the tops.
Have each top take their temperature - the old fashioned way.
Give each of the other bottoms a steamy smooch - thirty second minimum.
Put on an apron, and serve a fresh beverage to anyone who wants it - in such a way that a Hooter's waitress would blush.
Corner time! Take their position in the corner, nose on a quarter, until the next bottom pulls an embarrassment.
Suck the nipples of the other bottoms like they're going out of style - blindfolded, of course.
Kneel on a couch and give themselves a paddling while saying, "I've been a naughty girl and deserve to be spanked 24/7.
Guess the top! Take five swats with an implement from each top, and guess who went first, second and third. Guess wrong, and he'll do it again.
Getting hot and bothered? Better have each of the other bottoms give you a proper wetness check.

All of the girls did all their embarrassments, and D tells me later that several of them pushed her limits, but because she completely trusted everyone in the room, and because she knew it would turn me on, she did them all. (She's right, they DID turn me on!)

After we're all spanked out, late in the evening, all three couples ended up cuddling on the three couches, getting soft massages, as the six of us sipped our beverages and simply talked about this and that. Mostly about the scene, about other parties, about our own histories in TTWD, etc. Late in the evening we all called it a night and drifted off to our own rooms.

The next morning, we had breakfast, did some more spanking, and got lots of laughs. Now it was time for some group spanking (all three bottoms in position on a couch at the same time). We talked about what we had in common, and what made each of us unique.

All too soon, the time to pack up for home had arrived. Just like last time, we talked about doing this again really soon. We'll see each other at Shadowlane in a month. Meantime, everyone felt great. We each brought some high personal stress to the party, and we all left relaxed and satiated.

Thanks to all the participants for another great time! I can't wait to see how we change it, try new things, and do it all again.

A Couple of Handfuls

2010-07-15T11:02:00.000-07:00

Over the past two years, D and I have evolved from meeting one another, defining and redefining our relationship, and venturing out to play with others. We began with a Shadowlane party, then another, followed by Boardwalk Badness and Florida Moonshine.

Each of these parties was special for different reasons, but I've noticed that we push our boundaries a little further each time. D is more comfortable playing the naughty girl in the public settings at the parties; we're both more comfortable in suite parties, and we both have enjoyed creating more private scenes with other couples.

Now, at large parties, we find ourselves simply playing without getting into roles; it's more about the real headspace that we can share and create with others. I've enjoyed watching D get caned, and I've enjoyed being witness to her being topped without a role being played. I've done some of the same.

From there we ventured into a private party with two other couples and had a wild, exhilarating time on a recent weekend. Part spanking, part light BDSM, part exhibitionism, part hilarity - it was all good.

And now, another first. We had someone come see and stay with us for a long weekend that we'd met at a large party a couple of times. I'd played with C at these parties while D played with her top. We had gotten along well. C had never been to our home city (or state) and wanted to come see it, and we agreed to be hosts and tour guides.

So out she came, and we spent four days together, site-seeing by day, playing by night. It was a profound experience on many levels.

It was my first experience as a top with two bottoms all to myself. It was D's first experience "sharing" me with someone else for an extended time. I'm sure it was C's first experience traveling to share time with a couple such as us, and playing with us for four days.

We didn't do any role playing. We kept it real. I found it exhilarating and challenging at the same time. I know D quite well - I can read her, I know what she likes and doesn't like, I know which implements produce what effects. I don't know C very well at all, so I didn't know many things - her limits (which she wanted tested), how different implements, positions, and situations would affect her.

Perhaps the most important lesson I learned was quite simple when I think about it: Topping is quite different for every bottom. I suppose that should have been obvious, but only when faced (literally!) with two different bottoms who have different expectations, limits, needs, desires, tolerances, and everything else did this become clear to me.

For a short scene at a party, this is not such a big deal. For a four-day situation, it is.

And then there's the dynamics at play. D and I are a couple with a history; C was the "third wheel" with the personal challenge of finding a way to fit in. It all worked out fine, but there was a palpable imbalance which I had to find ways to address throughout the visit. Helping C become comfortable was only part of the dynamic - helping D (and myself) be comfortable was also in play.

Bottom line (no pun intended): it's a delicious fantasy to have two bottoms to spank at the same time, or one after the other, all to myself. The reality is it's actually a lot of hard work to get it right. Don't get me wrong - we all had a great time. But the time compression is a critical factor.

If we were to meet someone who lives here and wanted to do some top/bottom/bottom play, we'd have the luxury of taking it slow - getting to know one another a bit better, doing something one night and then having time in-between before we played again, etc.

Within the parameters of a short visit, things are different. Just as the dynamics between D and I have grown over the past two years, it can take time to find a way to completely merge the fantasy with the reality.

Looking back, I know I had a wonderful experience, and I believe that both D and C did as well. It gave all of us some new insights into "this thing we do," that's for sure. I hope we'll get to do it again some time.

It's all good...

2010-07-03T10:44:00.000-07:00

In my last post, I described how I learned that sometimes, a spanking is not the answer. D had been down in the dumps, and I'd tried to pull her out of it with a "centering" spanking - but it 'twas not to be.

The lesson for me had a couple of layers. First, I had to recall that old expression - if all you have is a hammer, then everything looks like a nail. Or to paraphrase, if all you have is a paddle, then every situation looks like it calls for a spanking.

The second level is patience. Sometimes D goes off somewhere, inside herself, and gets a little lost. She withdraws from life, to give herself a little space. I should know by now that given a little time, she finds herself, rights her ship, and comes back to the real world with her old self restored. I'd like to think that spanking her when she's "gone" will bring her back sooner, but it doesn't work. She has to work out her situation and bring herself back.

Which brings me to the present. I was with D a couple of nights ago, and we were just lounging about and watching TV. I was doing my best to be patient, and not to force anything between us - just hang with her and wait for a signal that she felt better.

Towards what I thought was the natural end of the evening, D sort of crawled up on my lap and "presented herself" to me. She was wearing some nightclothes and no panties. She wiggled herself in such a way that her bare bottom was soon in plain view - and in the classic spanking position.

D hates the idea of asking to be spanked. Hates it! But this was a clear signal that she wanted to be taken in hand. It was wordless but unmistakeable. I didn't have to be struck by lightening - I knew she was ready once again.

I delivered a sound hand spanking on the couch, and then, in my stern Toppie voice, said, "Do I need to take you into the bedroom and give you a heart-pounding orgasm, young lady? You do know that's what naughty girls like you get when you show off that lovely bottom like you just did!"

She nodded wordlessly. She had crossed the line, and deserved the full "punishment."

I took her in hand and led her into the bedroom. I placed her in position on the bed, pillow under her tummy. I pulled out our favorite implement - a fine leather strap from The London Tanner. Giving her many strokes, I soon found her to be quivering with anticipation of what would come next.

We made love. I'm not the sort of guy who goes into great detail on that subject, but I'll just say this. D had a fantastic O - that reduced her to tears afterwards. Good tears. Happy tears. Relief tears.

So the good news is that D is back once again. Still overworked, still overwhelmed by some vanilla things, but she's back in all her naughty, delicious glory.

It's all good...

Sometimes, a spanking isn't the answer...

2010-06-26T16:51:00.000-07:00

I'm guilty as the next top to thinking that all she needs (whatever the circumstance) is a good spanking.

Wrong!

As I write this, D is feeling down and depressed. While I don't want to talk out of school, she says its a combination of things - from the endless stream of bad news in the world today (think Gulf oil spill, recession, fraud, endless political fighting leaving nothing getting done, etc.) to a host of personal issues which feel overwhelming to her right now.

We had scheduled two spanking parties this weekend, and have cancelled our appearance at both. She's just not into it!

Today, I got word that she was down in the dumps and I decided to come over to support and help her. After watching the USA lose in the World Cup, I got the "bright idea" that what D really needed was a good "centering" spanking. I believed that a good spanking would allow her to release what's inside.

I took her back in the bedroom and over my knee. Many spanks later, it was clear this wasn't going anywhere. She wasn't getting centered; she was simply getting spanked. She wasn't releasing anything; she was holding on even harder.

My bright idea wasn't so bright. I didn't know what else to do, so I left her on her own to sort through things, be by herself, and work through her funk. I didn't really want to leave her alone, but I began to feel that I wasn't helping much at all.

Wouldn't it be great to have a simple spanking take care of everything?

Sometimes, a spanking isn't the answer. And sometimes, being a Top is having to recognize that I don't have all the answers, all the time.

I will wait to hear from her. When I do, I will be more patient, be a better listener, and promise myself not to "move to solution" too quickly. I love her with all my heart, and I am torn up inside when she's in pain. But what I can do, all I can do really, is be with her, for her, beside her, and remind her how much she is loved. Good times, bad times, at all times.

On finding a lover who's got that kink...

2010-06-25T15:40:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine is going through a probable breakup in her relationship. As we talked, she wondered about something that most of us in "the scene" have pondered many a time - is it really possible to find a romantic partner who is a good fit in the traditional sense - sharing of interests, compatible personalities, similar outlooks on politics, religion, etc, AND who shares our love of TTWD?

D and I are living proof that it can be done, and we're meeting more and more people who've been together for far longer than us, and who fully embrace both their vanilla and kinky sides. It's not easy, but it can be done.

It starts by being honest with yourself. For many, it's a journey of years just to accept ourselves as we are - people who love spanking, or bondage, or d/s, or whatever. Many of us have spent years in denial, or secrecy, barely able to admit these longings even to ourselves - let alone our partners.

But, once you've accepted who you are, you now know that you'll never truly be happy, or fulfilled, or fully engaged in a romantic relationship unless your partner has done the same. I know I could never give up my kink to have an otherwise ideal partner, just as much as I could never abandon my many vanilla interests and beliefs to be with the ideal spanko. It just wouldn't work.

So the journey to find that wonderful partner begins with becoming a wonderful partner to yourself, embracing all of yourself, loving who you are, not apologizing to yourself, or thinking you're crazy, or pretending it's just not that important.

Then, and only then, can you set your intentions on finding someone to love who can meet your needs, just as you can meet theirs.

That's the second step: declare your intentions. I'm not suggesting a public "outing" of yourself. I'm simply saying that you have to let the Universe know what you want, and that you expect to find that person. Until you know who you are, and what you want, they will elude you forever.

Once you've accepted who you are, and what you want (and remember - at this stage you're acknowledging that you simply won't settle for less that that), it's time to take action.

For me, it was a matter of putting up this blog and pushing it out into the internet. I was as honest as I knew how to be on the blog - this is me, this is what I want, these are my wrinkles and warts, and this is a description of who I'm looking for. Once it was launched, I then took another important step: I "let go" of the outcome.

I trusted that the best result would come my way. I believed then, as I believe now, that we all attract what we expect to attract, not just what we want to attract. I knew that sooner or later, D would come along. (Of course, I didn't know it would be D specifically!)

Other people take other actions. They start going to parties where they can meet like-minded people, for instance. Not with the specific expectation that this party will be the party where Mr. or Ms. Right will show up. But if they've let go of the outcome, it just might happen!

Or they join FetLife. Or start going to munches in their home town. Or even advertise on any number of fetish sites. (Before I was ready to really commit to finding someone special, I found a variety of very temporary play partners on Craigslist.)

The point is - you have to act. Put up a blog, go to some parties, join a social (kink-oriented) website.

The person you're looking for IS out there. It all lines up when:

Both of you have accepted who you are,
Both of you have decided to go for what you want, and
Both of you have let go of the outcome, trusting that the Universe will provide.

Are kinky-oriented partners harder to find than simple vanilla ones? Maybe. But so what? If it's a choice between finding someone - anyone - to "have a relationship," and finding someone who's truly a soul-mate, then it really doesn't matter how hard it is.

It is possible, and it's so worth it I can't imagine any other path. Accept who you are, go for what you want, and stop trying to control the outcome. Let it happen. It will.

Your thoughts?

Florida Moonshine

2010-06-16T14:18:00.000-07:00

It's been a week and a half since we returned from the fantastic party at Florida Moonshine. Here's what happened:

First, we almost didn't make it. We flew to Dallas to get a connecting flight to Tampa - but our flight was cancelled! We had to spend a night at a motel in Dallas, "enjoying" dinner at Denny's. There went our plans to arrive a day early so we could relax before the party started!

The next day, we were able to get a flight to Chicago and then make connections to Tampa. Phew! Up arrival, the heat and humidity hit us pretty hard, but we enjoyed a limo to the hotel, stopping briefly for a few groceries for the mini-fridge.

The hotel was pretty cool, but unlike the facility at Boardwalk Badness, we had to pay attention to make sure we didn't offend all of the vanillas who were staying there. This made for some logistics problems, when we made our way from our suite to the large conference room for the all-hands gatherings. (Imagine D trying to wear her naughty school girl outfit under some kind of coverup so she wouldn't draw attention to herself on the elevator and you'll get the idea.)

The gathering the first night was pretty good. I didn't care much for the ice-breaker (too complicated!) but it was great to find old friends and start connecting with new ones. Before long, a couple we'd met (but hadn't played with) in Atlantic City strolled over. The Top (another D) blurted out that the Bottom, C, had something to say to us.

C is shy. But she mustered up her courage and said, "We'd like to play with you!"

We didn't want to waste much time, so the four of us abandoned the large gathering and retired to our suite. Soon, my D was over Top D's lap, and C was over mine, and lots of spanking ensued. Everyone had a blast. The girls just couldn't behave, and Top D and I couldn't let that go on for long!

Before long, my D and Top D were in the bedroom portion of the suite, and C and I were in the living room. Bottoms were bared and spanked - with hands, paddles, and my personal favorite, Thuddy Buddy (a leather strap).

I believe we returned to the large party, and then found our way into a variety of suite parties that were held on the top floor. (No pun intended!) The evening passed with a blur of spankings here and there, and I got to play briefly with several new (to me) people, as did D.

On Saturday, the main event during the day was an Academy for naughty girls, and D was a quite willing participant. Headmaster Tony (who helped organize the party) runs a tight ship, ably aided by two stern instructors: Rad and Abel. They administered a grammar test, which almost all of the girls promptly failed. (I think I might have as well!) Each received several swings of the cane - some more than others, given their academic performance. D did quite poorly on her exam, poor thing. She got six strokes, all publicly administered in front of a rapt audience.

In the afternoon, everyone relaxed. D even got a pedicure with one of her girlfriends. Later, we hooked up again with D and C, and this time, the spankings got harder and longer.

The highlight of the evening, long after the large social event, was D's caning from the infamous Miss Chris. She had tasted the Miss Chris's cane for the first time at Atlantic City, with two strokes at an impromptu demonstration.

This time, we watched with rapt attention as Miss Chris gave a very thorough demonstration with her own sub. Afterwards, I asked Miss Chris if she'd be willing to take the cane to D once again, because I knew how badly D wanted to try it again.

Ever willing and charming, Miss Chris led D back to the bedroom and placed her in position, a pillow beneath her tummy. D had dressed as a naughty secretary for the evening - she looked fabulous!

This time 'round, Miss Chris took a little longer with D. She got six strokes and loved every bit. She told me later she completely lost track of time, had no awareness of the dozen or so on-lookers, and really floated out into subspace. Good for D! And thanks, Miss Chris!

On Sunday, we all trooped into a "courtroom" where anyone could bring anyone up on charges and have a brief trial. StrictDave was the judge, just as he had been in Atlantic City. He runs a very fair, hilarious courtroom. I believe all his decisions were proper and correct (the bottom doesn't always lose), except for one.

You see, I brought D up on charges of being too good at the party, giving me fewer reasons to take her over my knee. We both went forward and gave our testimony, and to my utter disbelief, the crowd (and the judge) sided with D. I was ordered to give her fifteen minutes of "community service," which is patently unfair. Unfortunately, there is no court of appeals. So D escaped a public spanking this time. Damn!

The party drew to a close on Sunday afternoon, but many people stayed over until Monday. That meant that the suite parties were in full swing on Sunday night. After an afternoon playing in the waves of the Gulf (no oil spill here) and the pool, we had some dinner and made our way to the suite parties.

Whoa! Way overcrowded! D was feeling rather "out of it" and I have to admit, I wasn't jonesing on the stuffed suites either. Then a switch, who I shall have to call G2, came into the room and began talking with us. He really wanted to give D some discipline (he was as upset as me about the unfair outcome at trial). He suggested we come to his room where we'd have some peace and privacy.

Wow, what a scene! He quickly took command of the situation, and before long, poor D was over his knee getting some well-earned discipline while I watched. Ever thoughtful, I occasionally would hand G2 an implement to use. I'm like that. I'm a giver.

It was a wonderful evening after all, and G2 even offered to take us back to the airport the next day, which saved us another limo charge.

On Monday, we said all our goodbyes, and met up with G2 for the ride to the airport. We stopped at a Mexican restaurant for lunch, and wouldn't you know - D began to misbehave again. Already!

G2 had a great suggestion. Within a few minutes, both G2 and I had taken D into the men's room, locked the door, lowered her panties, and delivered some swift discipline. Now that was HOT!

On the way to the airport, I rode in the back seat with D, just in case. Sure enough, she couldn't resist being a bit naughty. Bang! Within a few seconds she was upended, put over my knee, and had her panties pulled off. (They were given to G2, who promptly hung them over the rear view mirror). I gave D a stern bare bottom spanking in the car on the freeway.

At last we reached the airport, and flew home on two uneventful flights.

I had to fly the next day for a two day business trip, which I felt badly about, because I couldn't be with D when she went through her party drop (and I get party drop too). But we got through that, and life quickly returned to normal. Whatever that is!

All in all, we had a great time at what was billed as the last Florida Moonshine Party (since Ian has moved back to England).

Now we're veterans of four large parties: 2 at ShadowLane, one Boardwalk Badness in Atlantic City, and Florida Moonshine. Each had incredible highlights, and each was different from the others in many ways.

Now we're looking forward to our next ShadowLane party in September in Las Vegas. Meantime, we've committed to two or three local affairs, varying from 6 to 15 or 20 people or so.

The folks who organized FMS should be proud - they did a great job. And to all the people we had the chance to meet and play with - wow - you really made it special. Can't wait to do it all again!

The day before the day before...

2010-06-02T12:01:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow D and I travel across country to the Florida Moonshine Party. This will be our fourth big organized party and first in Florida.

It's hard to focus on work today, but I must. I need to get things wrapped up and then start packing for tomorrow. We will be flying all day, but because we arrive the day before the party starts, we can relax, adjust to the jet lag, and be ready to play on Friday.

I've been busy "networking" with several wonderful (not to mention kinky!) friends and expect to have a great time trying to make time for everyone.

I know D is ready. She has a pattern of having lots of interest when we first register, and then letting it go for a while and laying low, and then just before the party she gets energized and ready to play.

She's got good timing, that one.

On being proactive...

2010-05-31T17:49:00.000-07:00

What's a dom to do?

Once in a while, D drinks a little too much. Not often, but it happens. It's not a big problem because D is a very responsible social drinker the vast majority of times. Just that every once in a while, she...

I haven't had a good response when it happens. When I suggest she stop for the evening, I feel like I'm coming across as a judgmental kill-joy, which is not my intention. The truth is I want her to party, to enjoy, to get a little silly, and to have a good time. I just don't want her to become a danger to herself or others, or to embarrass herself or others.

So when she's reached a tipping point, I want her to stop. At that moment, I know my judgment is superior to hers, because I'm not impaired.

The other night, we were having a blast at a vanilla party, and D got a little drunk. No problem. But she reached a point where she'd had enough. I told her so. Nonetheless, she took another drink, and I wasn't happy. But there wasn't much I could do about it at the time. Even if I'd dragged her upstairs to take her over my knee, which would have been very inappropriate at this party, she was too drunk to feel much consequence anyway!

We drove home shortly afterwards, and I helped her into her house.

Now, D never gets hangovers. Never. But this time, she made a mistake - she had been drinking both vodka and tequila throughout the night. The next morning, she was not doing good. Headache. Body ache. Complaining about the sunshine. You know the drill. So she got a natural consequence.

I decided this was the kind of situation that had to be handled by negotiating a proactive agreement. I knew she didn't want to put herself in a position of being a danger to herself or others, or even to become embarrassing to herself or others. I also knew she hadn't faced any consequences in the past, except this one hangover.

So I drew up an agreement with her, and we talked about it the next night. She agreed that when we're out partying, she can drink as little or much as she wants - until, in my judgment, she's reached her limit. At that point, I will intervene.

Then, if she continues to drink, she will be disciplined, at a time and place of my choosing (once she's sobered up!).

It's really quite simple, but the best part was not the agreement but the conversation that took place as we went over it. She does trust that I won't invoke the agreement inappropriately (and in fact, it's "null and void" if I too am too tipsy to have sound judgment). I know that she can relax, enjoy herself, and know that, as she puts it, I have her back. I believe she'll do just fine.

In almost any other situation, if D does something that deserves a punishment, she knows it at the time, and we take care of it as soon as possible. Truth is, it doesn't happen very often at all. But this one deserved to be called out, talked through, and sort of "set in stone," so to speak, because if/when it happens again, she won't be thinking clearly.

And I know her well enough to know that, even if her brain is juiced up, this will get through: "Take one more drink, and you'll have to face my consequences tomorrow." Perhaps I could have done that the other night without all the conversation the next day, but I believe this is more fair and appropriate.

I'm fully aware that other doms would have handled it differently. But this works for D and I, and we both feel good about it. In fact, if you'd like to see her take on the matter, read her blog here.

Where have I been?

2010-05-25T10:20:00.000-07:00

Given my last post was five months ago or so, I can't imagine anyone is actually still reading this blog. Somehow I got out of the habit and inertial took over, and the days became weeks, and the weeks became months.

So today I'm taking some action to reverse this process!

There's no way to adequately describe the past five months in great detail, but I can summarize, so I will.

With regard to D and I, it has been terrific. We did a couple more parties, for instance. We had the most amazing fun at the Boardwalk Badness weekend in Atlantic City. D really came into her element there, from being a vendor's model to participating at a "spanked straight" event at a girl's reformatory, to taking her first caning ever in an impromptu semi-private "clinic" conducted by a talented domme in front of about half a dozen on-lookers.

The entire weekend was fantastic, and it shall remain a prized memory for a long time to come.

A month or so ago, we attended a much smaller party, with just three couples (including us). These were folks we'd met at ShadowLane a while back and we knew we were all on the same wavelength and felt really comfortable with one another.

This was more of a bdsm (light) party than strictly spanking, and all three tops/doms had a blast putting all three subs/bottoms through their paces. We played a variety of games which all seemed to end with the same outcome: the ladies were naked, getting spanked, and quite a bit more.

For instance, for missing a question in Trivial Pursuit, the subs had to draw a "consequence" from a jar. These included things from performing a lap dance for the tops, to having their temperatures taken (the old-fashioned way!), to having the other subs lick their nipples, or check one another for wetness, or kissing each other with a bit of passion.

Both D and I wondered whether each of us would be comfortable with all of this, and we found out that, Hell yeah!

It was a remarkable weekend. One of my favorite memories is when the three subs were naked on a couch, backs to the room, knees on the cushions, and leaning over the back of the couch. The three tops took turns spanking them 1-2-3-2-1 back and forth. I loved seeing the three bottoms on display, and the sense of "sisterhood" that prevailed between the three subs.

So we've had fun at parties, and are getting ready now for what is billed as the last Florida Moonshine party in Tampa (although it's our first there). There will be newer friends we made in Atlantic City, and older friends from Shadowlane, and no doubt brand new friends we've yet to meet. We LOVE parties!

On a personal level, the past five months had highs and lows. My mother passed away at age 86. My father struggles with his own life now, after 66 years of marriage. There have been other personal setbacks for both D and I, but on the whole, it's been a good journey.

We are closer and more in love than ever. We recently passed our 2nd anniversary together. Our kink has grown deeper and we continue to explore new things. I can't wait to see what I post two years from now.

If someone is out there and you actually read this post, please consider leaving a comment. I'd love to hear from you!

Things are looking up!

2009-12-16T13:10:00.000-08:00

In my last post, A Swing and A Miss, I talked about a misadventure that took place when I forgot that D/s relationships are about TWO people, not one. I was so into my Dommie head that I really ruined an evening.

Well, since then, things are really looking up!

Let me count the ways...

I've gotten back into the sweet sensations that come from delivering a warm up. I'd forgotten how delicious it can be, as a way of "conditioning" D's bottom for a proper spanking, as a way of building anticipation, and as a way of extending the experience and making it last longer. She can take a longer spanking if she's warmed up, and I LOVE long spankings! But it's more than that…it's about taking a few moments to stop and touch the roses, so to speak. To let that beautiful sight of D's bare bottom flow into my headspace. To see the naked pallet awaiting some color. It's really sweet, and I am glad that I'm back in touch with all the possibilities of the warm-up.
We brought home a new spreader bar the other day and gave it a whirl. Whoa! We love it. I can position D over some pillows on the bed, and restrain her legs with cuffs attached to the bar. This leaves her vulnerable and that really pushes my Dom buttons. I love ass-play, so what better way to position her for everything from licks and fingering, to feathers and necktie rubs, to butt plug play, and, of course, to spankings, paddlings and the like. I love combining the spreader bar with a blindfold, soft music, and a toy box nearby. (Of course, it can also be disconcerting when her cat perches himself on the bed to get a better view!)
We snuck in a spanking in a public place that was so delicious. We were involved in a small theatrical production and arrived at the theatre one day before anyone else. We had a key and let ourselves in. Inside the deserted theatre, on the stage, in full view of the front door where other cast/crew members were due any second, I took her over my knee. At first, she plopped right down with a mischievous grin over my lap. But you should have seen the look on her face when I ordered her to stand so we could lower her pants -- and no panties underneath! She got a great hand spanking. I could see the door and knew we would have JUST enough time to "make everything right" if someone came in -- but she couldn't. And the sounds of the smacks echoing throughout the cavernous room were incredible.

So yes, I blew it the other day. But once we'd talked, and I came to my senses, we're definitely back on track and enjoying our wonderful relationship all the more.

Thanks for your patience, D! I love you!!

A Swing and a Miss

2009-12-05T14:16:00.000-08:00

The other night, I decided to give D a good, hard, long spanking. For no particular reason, I recall. I even tweeted about it, teasing D from a distance (knowing she'd be reading my tweets), asking my Twitter friends for "the top three reasons I should spank D tonight."

I was feeling particularly "Dommie" that night. I was a little drunk with the whole power exchange dynamic. Unfortunately, I was NOT being a good partner, and certainly not a good listener. When I look back on that evening, it was all about me, and that doesn't make for a good dance in any relationship -- top/bottom or even pure vanilla.

But, as I say, I was full of myself. And D is a good sub, sometimes to her detriment as well. She complies; she does what I ask her to do.

So I got to D's house and commenced spanking her on the sofa. Warmup? What warmup? I'm a Dom, dammit! I'll warm you up if I want to! I began whacking with my bare hand, pretty damn hard.

Then I took her into the bedroom and brought out an implement or two. I continued spanking her bare bottom, now focusing on her upper thighs. Drawing even more energy from my Dommie mindset, I wailed on D. It was a long, drawn out affair.

And through it all, I paid little if any attention to how D was responding. Sure, she took the spanking. And sure, she moaned and squirmed and pleaded for me to stop -- especially on her thighs. But I was so caught up in my so-called "dominance" of D that I completely failed to do what's so important to me (and to her): listening and responding to the cues that she was giving me.

Eventually, I tired, and it began to dawn on me that the scene had been one-sided. I began to realize that there was nothing happening here except me smacking like a madman. Even I wasn't getting anything from it. There was no sense of intimacy, no closeness, no connection, nothing.

It took some time to process what had happened, but we did, that very evening. Our conversation covered some important issues -- trust, compliance, even (what became clear) a difference of understanding about safe words.

To her credit, D took some responsibility for what happened, and I deeply appreciate that, but I must take the lion's share. A good D/s relationship doesn't exist so that the Dom can flail away on his sub. At least, that's NOT the kind of Dom I want to be (nor even believe myself to be). I had let D down, and I had let myself down. How can I be in control of a scene when I'm not in control of myself?

With the passing of some time, I have more perspective. If you've read my last post, you'll know that we are really just beginning a journey into something deeper than spanking. We'd signed up for FetLife, we'd begun exploring all kinds of new possibilities in our heads, in our conversations, and in our web explorations. I got so caught up in all that I became a child in a candy store.

The good news -- no, the great news is that D and I are able to talk it out. Not that it's easy, and not that it's fun, and not that we don't make false starts and stops. For instance, she pointed out that she'd told me several times previously how much she really hates being spanked on her thighs. I thought I'd listened to that. But no, what I'd done is translate that into, "being spanked on my thighs hurts like crazy, but it can really take me into subspace."

She finally penetrated my thick skull when she talked about the differences, for her, between the physicality of D/s play, and the "mind-fuck" of it all. And lo and behold -- once again, it turns out we're on the same page (but I didn't realize it). What sends her into subspace isn't being a pain slut, it's having her mind wrapped around letting go of controlling what's happening. She's not adverse to pain (believe me, I know this from experience!) but it's not about the pain so much as it's about finding herself in a situation in which she's surrendering her will to mine.

And that's precisely the appeal of D/s to me.

I know there are Doms out there who will take vehement difference with my take on all this. They'll say that if they want to smack their sub's thighs, or do any number of other things, it's entirely up to them and the sub had better put up with it. So be it...that's between them and their partners.

But I know that what appeals to me is not about how much suffering and pain can I produce, but rather on how well I can play with her mind. Both D and I get as much D/s pleasure out of many things which have nothing to do with pain: me choosing her wardrobe for the evening, or whether she'll be allowed to have an orgasm when she nears climax, or, for that matter, whether or not she'll be spanked.

So I swung but I missed. And I learned a lot that evening. The journey continues...

The really good news? Today, we played with a spreader bar, a blindfold, a necktie, a paddle and my bare hand. We had a fabulous time. One of our best in quite a while.

Wanna hear about it?

Our Evolution

2009-11-24T12:39:00.000-08:00

Things are kicking up a bit. The winds of change are blowing. It's a wonderful, blustery "day" in our relationship...

If you've followed this blog for any time, you know that D and I met online, as a direct result of me starting this blog, about a year and a half ago. Emails and phone calls quickly morphed into face-to-face meetings in cities that lay between us. Wasn't long at all before D made the decision to move to my town. First plan was to move her here, get her a place, and begin seeing each other often.

That plan didn't last long. We made the decision to not only move her here, but to find a place to live together -- right from the get-go. We lived there for about a year in a wonderful, but painfully small place. Since we both work from home, we were essentially together 7/24 -- and that turned out to be a bit of a problem.

For that reason, and others, we almost broke up. We did move out into separate places, but realized we wanted to keep seeing one another. We were lucky to find new digs just a few blocks from one another, which gives us the best of both worlds -- alone time when we need it, and together time as often as we want.

Our relationship was begun with disciplinary and other kinds of spankings as a central tenet. We both love participating in erotic spankings, the occasional maintenance spanking, and, when warranted, strict disciplinary spanking.

We sorted out (and continue to sort out) the differences between all of these. We enjoy a good role play, and we also understand the difference between spanking for pleasure and spanking for discipline.

As time has passed, we have both begun to understand that we have deeper interests, in such things as bondage, rope play, collaring, and the like. D has a bit more experience in her past than me in these areas. She's quite clear she's a submissive, whereas I'm becoming clear that I'm a dominant, in a more complete sense than as "just" a spanker.

We made a few steps into BDSM in the past few months, particularly with rope play, which we both find really exciting. Thanks to the great videos at Twisted Monk, things have gone well. D also is proud to wear a collar "on demand" (and no pun intended.)

D recently visited with like-minded friends in another city, and went to a private spanking party as well as The Lair in Los Angeles, and it stimulated and awakened her interest in taking things to, as they say, another level. When she returned and we talked about her experience, something stirred in me as well.

So we're moving full speed ahead into a new arena. Our journey is going to take us into a Brave New World. D has decided to revitalize her dormant blog, and she'll give you her perspective on this adventure. I'll do my best to write about my experience here.

Already I can foresee times when this might be difficult. All of my preconceptions of what it means to be a Dom come into play -- that he is all-wise, that he's always in control, that he always knows exactly what he's doing. That's certainly not me, and it will certainly be curious to see how much I'm willing to reveal my own experience (or lack thereof!) while accepting and acting on who I really am. I don't want to hide behind a mask - I want to be authentic and real. What gives me energy and optimism about all this is my complete confidence in myself and what I bring to the table. So, it's more like learning to play a fine instrument. Only, in this case, I'm the instrument!

I remember when I first starting spanking. In the beginning, it was exhilarating (and still is) but I found myself unwilling to admit I was a "newbie." Fortunately, I was able to be honest with my first few partners and they were wonderful enough to accept me for who I was at that time, and I learned a great deal. I suspect this new journey will be similar in many respects.

I've purchased a book: Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns at the recommendation of the great staff at my favorite kink store. We plan to read it together. We've decided to start attending local munches and we've both signed up on FetLife.

So that's what's new with us. I'll keep you posted! And, if you have suggestions, or links, or tips for us, let me know. I'd particularly be interested in any blogs written by male Doms who have described their own journey from newbie to master.

We're back!

2009-11-23T17:20:00.000-08:00

This has to be brief because I'm about to leave for an appointment. Wanted to say, just simply, "We're back!"

You know, vanilla life has a way sometimes of interfering with things. But both D and I are back on track, as good as ever.

Stay tuned; I'll keep you updated soon!

A Pause in the Action

2009-11-08T18:21:00.000-08:00

Have I really not posted since Love Our Lurkers Day? Whoa.

Be that as it may, I'm writing today about our "pause in the action."

Both D and I are dealing with some challenges right now, some professional, and many personal. Family stuff, health stuff, financial stuff, what's next kind of stuff, etc. You know. I'm sure you've been there too.

So our "normal" relationship dynamics have been put on hold while we each (and both) sort things out.

I'll keep you posted as things evolve. Cross your fingers for both of us!

It's Love Our Lurkers Day!

2009-10-13T17:04:00.000-07:00

As Bonnie has written in her wonderful blog:

Welcome, my friends, to our fourth annual Love Our Lurkers Day! This is our community's opportunity to share the love with our silent readers. I know from my statistics that there are thousands of readers of this blog who have never left a comment. If this sounds familiar, then today is for your day.

During last year's event, 87 spanking-oriented blogs posted LOL messages and they received 1,971 comments. Better still, we met many, many great people. Quite a few remain regular readers to this day. Several have become successful bloggers in their own right.

This year, we invited 231 bloggers to participate! And it's all for you.

Update: We now have 123 participating bloggers. Many have clever incentives to encourage de-lurking.

So how about it?

This blog isn't one of the biggies. It ain't one of the most popular. It's just my little corner of the world, and I'm always a little behind in keeping it current.

That said, I'd LOVE to hear from a lurker or two. Who are you? Why do you read this blog? What would you like to see me write about?

Hope to hear from you!

We were all lurkers once. Even me. Especially me. I urge you to "delurk" today, even if you want to go back into hiding tomorrow.

Hope to hear from you!

A question: How do you handle situations like these?

2009-10-03T11:59:00.001-07:00

A while back D and I were out of town on a combination business/pleasure trip. It came to pass that we were in our hotel room, late one evening, when I commenced spanking her lovely bottom.

Problem was (I discovered after we talked about it later), she just wasn’t into it at the time. Now, this is a pretty rare event. And we have a “ground rule” that seems to work just fine most of the time: I spank her whenever, wherever, and for whatever reason I want.

And she inevitably responds like any good spanko. She protests; she wriggles and kicks and reaches back, she tries to distract me, she tries talking her way out of it, and so on. We both love that. Of course, it never works.

But this particular evening, she just wasn’t into it. She is very conscious of not topping from the bottom, so there was no way (she could think of at the moment) to tell me that it wasn’t working for her. And, after all, there’s the ground rule in place.

After a few smacks, she just went limp. She surrendered to the experience – no, she resigned herself to the experience, but almost immediately, I lost the desire to spank her. I do not like spanking a non-responsive person. And note, I’m not talking about the sublime experience when a spanko slips into sub-space and stops protesting. This was clearly different.

So I stopped, and shortly afterwards, we went to sleep. We talked about it the next day. We both agreed that if she’d used her safe word, that would have been inappropriate, because she wasn’t in that space. She would have accepted the spanking as long as I wanted to deliver it. But she was just getting nothing from it. (Why? My guess is she was in a low point emotionally, for reasons not connected to the spanking, and couldn’t get past that.)

We’ve talked about it some more, and think we need to come up with some way for her to let me know that, in certain limited and unusual circumstances, she just doesn’t want to be spanked, without violating our ground rule. She doesn’t want to top from the bottom, and she certainly doesn’t want to do this very often. In fact, if my memory serves me correctly, this is really the first and only time that this has happened.

So, I guess I’m asking for advice. How do you handle this kind of situation? Should we come up with a special kind of safe word for these situations? I’m not into spanking her unless on some level it’s good for both of us (and we define “good” very differently, of course). I’m fine with letting it go for the moment and returning to spanking later – the next day, later that evening, whatever.

But I can’t read her mind; I can only go by the non-verbal signals she sends. And these can be confusing. I did get the message when she simply went limp and I could tell it wasn’t sub-space because the spanking had barely begun and it was highly unlikely.

Your thoughts?

Spanking in Public

2009-09-15T14:09:00.000-07:00

There are many reasons I like to go to Shadowlane parties. It’s a wonderful time with D, in part because our spankings that weekend are even more fun, or more intense, or both.

I like going because I’ll be surrounded by like-minded people for 48 hours, and I will probably make some new friends (that’s happened both years now).

I enjoy seeing what’s for sale at the Vendor’s Fair. We made a terrific purchase once again.

And, to be completely honest, I love seeing people get spanked.

That’s why suite parties are so special – people (who want to play) get spanked, both privately and in full view of the others. Sometimes playfully, often quite hard. Sometimes on their panties, and often on the bare.

I love it.

I came to realize this year that what’s particularly exciting for me is to see D getting spanked by someone else. It’s really the only way I get to see her facial expressions and her body language from a distance. The first time, I wasn’t sure I’d like it. Hey! That’s MY lady you’re spanking! But that didn’t last long at all, partly because I could tell that D loved it so much.

Last year, we did a private scene, in which another couple came to our room and gave D a sound thrashing for being a recalcitrant school girl. She was dressed exactly right for her part. They played a principal and teacher who had had it with D, and determined that she needed to be spanked for her naughty behavior. I was mostly outside of the scene, being a teacher (if I remember) who had turned her in. It was, for the most part, a three-person scene with me as a witness. (Of course, I egged them on throughout!)

It was fantastic. D earned an academy award, in my opinion, but so did the other couple, who were always in character, and who weren’t, shall we say, willing to spare the rod. They both got their licks in and they know how to spank!

This year, neither of us played a private scene with anyone. Instead, we went to, and hosted our own suite parties, where there is little role play but lots of spankings. I started us off at the first party, taking D into the kitchenette and giving her bottom a sound thrashing with a small paddle. It was really a “semi-public” spanking because the rest of the guests could only see us from about the shoulders up (over the counters) from their seats in the living room. Of course, they could hear all the smacks and reactions.

Soon after, a top needed a volunteer to take a spanking with his giant rice stirring paddle. I nudged D and helped volunteer her. It was thrilling to watch her walk over to take her place bent over a sofa, her skirt lifted. I watched the whole spanking sitting in front of her, seeing every expression on her face. I loved it. (And so did she, by the way…)

Later at the same party, I met someone I had corresponded with beforehand, and she made it clear she deserved to be taken over my lap. We retreated to the bedroom and I got down to business. Moments later, her husband had D by the hand, and he led her to the same room and proceeded to give her a spanking as well. (Not hard enough, she ‘fessed to me later.)

At one point, there were four spankings going on in that bedroom, which had two large beds and a chair. It was fantastic!

In our own suite party, we played a “Newlywed Game” that I created for spanking couples. There were no prizes or consequences; it was just a great way to get to know one another. But when it ended, one top stood up and said he wanted a door prize. Moments later he walked over to D, took her hand, and led her into the bedroom for a spanking. I loved it! (Again, so did she!)

It’s highly unlikely that I’ll deliver an authentic, panties down, bare bottom spanking to D in a real public setting, no matter how delicious the fantasy. I do value not getting arrested, and so does she!

But at Shadowlane, I can scratch that itch. I can spank others, I can watch others being spanked. I can learn a few things from other tops (and even the bottoms). And I can enjoy seeing D spanked by someone else. I can’t quite put words on why that is so special to me, but it is.

Home from Shadow Lane

2009-09-07T08:52:00.000-07:00

D and I are home from our second Shadow Lane Party in Las Vegas. We had a wonderful time!

We had planned to stay through Sunday night and return on Monday, but by Sunday morning, we were just all spanked out and decided to beat the traffic and come home a day early. Good decision. Traffic was not an issue and we arrived safe, sound, and happy.

There were so many highlights at this event for us that one post will not be sufficient. So I'll start with just a few:

The theme of the party was Back to School, and we tried to dress the part. For the first night, the Vendor's Fair, D was simply spectacular. She'd secretly purchased an authentic cheerleader's outfit and surprised me with it that night. The outfit was perfect.

These days, it's easy to get a "naughty" schoolgirl costume, but frankly, these are not my cup of tea. My fantasies aren't about naughty outfits, but rather about naughty cheerleaders. :-)

Hence, I prefer the classic, old style, pleated skirt real cheerleader outfit. Hers was exactly what I have in mind. A short pleated skirt, matching top and little white socks (with the logo of her favorite team, the 49ers). Her skirt looks just like the one at the top of this post.

She made a bow for her hair with ribbon that matched the stripes on the skirt. And the coup de grâce was a pair of lacy white panties, like the ones at at the top:

After the Vendor's Fair, we attended a couple of Suite Parties, and every top who saw D's outfit was quite pleased. When they got a glimpse of those panties, they were universally apoplectic. :-)

The Suite Parties were a blast. D got spanked several times, and I delivered a few blisterings as well. I even got to spank Chelsea Pfeiffer, a "rock star" of the spanking world, while D was over the lap of Chelsea's husband Larry.

We met several couples and clicked with several who came to our own Suite Party (more on this in another post). We were delighted to meet and enjoy the company of several people who live fairly close by, so the opportunity for some more spanking fun between Shadow Lane parties is now an option.

All in all, we had an absolute blast. I must admit, our second Shadow Lane party exceeded our expectations and will be long remembered. More on subsequent posts...

Three Days to Go!

2009-08-31T17:34:00.001-07:00

D and I will be leaving for the Shadow Lane party in three days, arriving Thursday evening so we're all settled in and relaxed by the time the party begins on Friday night.

We hope to meet early arrivals around the hotel's pool on Friday afternoon. We're planning to host a couples-only "suite party" on Saturday, and may have some running around to get the snacks and such.

I got the last item for my SL wardrobe last night. D says she's almost through -- I think she wants some shoes or something. It's time to start packing.

We've both been through a lot of regular stress recently, and we both need the break. It should be fun!

It will also be fascinating to see how things go at our second party, as distinguished from our first. Now we sort of know how things really work, I think. We'll see!

The Importance of References or Referrals

2009-08-25T15:19:00.000-07:00

One of the best and sometimes overlooked features of an organized spanking gathering such as the one we're about to attend hosted by Shadow Lane in Las Vegas has to do with personal references.

It's easy to go to your first party and become overwhelmed. 200-300 people, of all shapes, sizes, ages, and backgrounds, gathering in a hotel ballroom who share your interest. First timers, old timers, professional spanking models, singles, couples, you name it. For me, it was the first time I was surrounded in this way, and it was a very freeing experience. It was fun to look around the room and realize that every single person was into spanking. That had never happened before.

But – it's also a little intimidating! I have to imagine everyone there comes to play (although in many different ways, from public spankings to private suite parties, from playing with others to staying with their own partner, etc.). How does a newbie find a suitable partner to play with?

The answers come from those with experience, of course. What I read about last year on the bulletin board was the importance of "networking" before the party, by posting things on the bulletin board and by participating in the chatroom.

All well and good, and I did some of that. But it's a hard to way to really get to know anyone. Speaking for myself, it takes a face-to-face meeting and a little time to get to know someone in that context.

At the party, I stumbled into the next important tip: get references from the seasoned veterans! Now, this doesn't mean ask for resumes and a list of contacts. It means once you've met someone you like, who has experience, who seems to be on the same wavelength as you -- ask them who THEY like. They've probably played with many of the people there and had the time to evaluate who's "cool" and who isn't. (And, by the way, I mean "cool" to mean someone who is likely to be on the same page as you.)

Armed with a few referrals, you can find these people and introduce yourself, and let them know that Sandy or Rad or Jules or whoever suggested that you meet. There! The ice is broken, you've met someone who's highly likely to be someone you want to spend some time with, and if you choose to play, you've probably found someone who will be a great experience.

I learned pretty quickly that word gets around, and 200-300 people is actually quite a small group. Spankers and spankees who are rude, inconsiderate, strange, or otherwise not-ready-for-prime-time find that their reputations precede them very quickly. So, references and referrals will fall into two categories: you've got to meet So and So, and whatever you do, avoid So and So.

So, if you're going to Shadow Lane or some other party, ask around with the people who've got experience, and get referrals. It's the name of the game!

Thoughts before Shadow Lane

2009-08-21T13:39:00.000-07:00

It's been dreadfully long since I've posted to my blog. My humble apologies. Much has been happening, but the truth is that I haven't made this as much a priority as it was in the past. That said, I'm back and posting again!

D and I are heading back to Shadow Lane for what will be our second party in a couple of weeks. We're both excited and confident that this year will be better than last, because now we know what to expect, what not to expect, and at least a bit more on how to make it a wonderful experience.

For those of you who've never attended a Shadow Lane spanking party, I'll just say this: It's an amazing experience. From the feeling you get being in a group of a couple of hundred people who share your (usually hidden) kink, to seeing all the vendors with their wares on display, to witnessing a few public spankings (which always surprise me, for some reason!), to going to some marvelous "suite parties," and especially, to making new friends and playing with others, it's all good.

So here we are, getting ready for Party #2. They've chosen the perfect theme for the dinner: Prom Night. D is busy figuring out what she'll wear, and I've already purchased a new shirt and tie that will be perfect for the evening.

One of the things that I'm most looking forward to is reconnecting with some folks we met last year (has it really been a year already?). We do keep in touch with email and Twitter, but getting back together face to face (or other positions, of course!) will be wonderful.

This year, I intend to play more than last year. I was a bit reserved, trying to get a feel for the proper etiquette and protocol. This year, now that I think I understand most of that, I'll let my confidence kick in. D and I will be hosting our first suite party, AND we've reached out to find couples who want to play as couples. That should be fun. I've even invented a dice game for that event.

Anyway, I'm back to blogging, and will be posting things related to Shadow Lane in the next few posts. If you're going to the party, let me know (comment below!) and let's connect.

Hugs and smacks!

An email I sent D

2009-06-12T08:42:00.001-07:00

An email I sent D last night...

D,

As you can see, I stayed up a little late after I came home. But before I go to bed, I want to tell you how special last night was, from start to finish.

It wasn’t so much what happened, where we went, or what we did, but it has more to do with how close I feel to you, and how much I want to take this journey with you.

There’s just something about that collar. It’s such a powerful symbol. When you wear it, I feel completely connected to you. We are as one, as they say.

It’s not that without the collar I don’t feel these things, it’s just that with it, I feel them more strongly. More completely.

The words aren’t coming out as I might like them to come. So I’ll close for now, thinking of you as I drift off to sleep.

Know that you are loved, deeply.

G

The First Lesson

2009-06-06T18:17:00.000-07:00

Thursday night, D and I began our exploration of a collared relationship. She's posted her account of what happened in her own blog, the Story of D.

Bottom line (pun intended): It was a wonderful evening.

One of the things we're both attracted to is rope play. We'd purchased some Japanese rope for this occasion, and I looked forward to using it.

But – I am not an expert in knotting. I nearly flunked out of Boy Scouts as a Tenderfoot because I couldn't tie the knots. I'm easily frustrated by tangles of cords, which seem to get more tangled when I try to straighten them out.

And the last thing I wanted to do was begin our exploration by screwing up the knot tying!

So, the day before I found a website, Twisted Monk, which has a terrific series of videos aimed at teaching the beginning Dom how to tie good knots. I spent some time trying to memorize the turns and twists of the rope but realized I needed some actual, real-time practice to get it right. And I didn't want to leave anything to chance during our first session.

So...I bought some cheap clothesline for practice. Lacking a living model, or even a mannikin to practice on, I found the next best thing: two dining room chairs. Perfect! They would be patient, they wouldn't notice if I messed up, and they would be quiet afterwards!

Turns out, the knots I was practicing were pretty simple. The picture you see is my final effort. I did that one several times until I could do it easily without fumbling.

D has done a great job summarizing how the evening went, so I thought I'd keep my post about how the rope portion went. It was fantastic! I felt confident, D loved the feel of the Japanese ropes, and we both enjoyed some of the possibilities that unfold when she's bound, wrist to wrist and ankle to ankle.

In my comments to D on her post, I admitted to having some "stage fright" before we began. This was positive nervous energy, because I wanted our first experience to be "as good as it gets." More than anything, I wanted both of us to conclude afterwards that we'd found something special and wanted to do it again. And again. And again.

The stage fright energy quickly morphed into Dom energy and the evening unfolded beautifully. D is a terrific sub, obeying each request, command or instruction to the letter. Well, almost. She slipped once and made (forbidden) eye contact. That cost her some serious spank time at the kitchen counter.

Anyway, it was a great evening and we followed up with another the very next night. D is not collared 7/24, but it's clearly going to become a major part of our life.

She had asked what to call me when she wore the collar. I told her, "Sir." I also told her I did not want to be called Master, for a couple of reasons. Perhaps the most important is that I don't see myself as a Master Dom by any means. I'm at the beginning of the journey.

I know I've lots to learn, and I know I have both the disposition and the capacity to get very good at it. So for now, she'll show her respect by calling me Sir. Works for me!

I may be a beginner, but something has stirred in me, that's been there probably since childhood. I'm a beginner in terms of technique but not in terms of character. I know that now.

And the best is yet to come!

Exploring Dominance and Submission: The First Lesson

2009-06-03T18:49:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow night, our relationship will probably change forever.

In the year that I have known (and lived with) D, we have explored spanking and Domestic Discipline many times. I've spanked D countless times, from playful swats while she gets dressed or does the dishes, to romantic spankings we call "Venetians" (because that's where, in Las Vegas, I delivered the first of that kind, to no-nonsense full disciplinary spankings.

I spanked her in every room of the house, in every conceivable position, and in many other places as well. I mean, c'mon -- I even spanked her in five road side rest stops along the trip when we moved her to my home city.

But we never really took a step that we have both come to realize is quite important to both of us: authentic Dominance and Submission. Tomorrow night that all changes.

I've bought D a collar similar to the one pictured above. Tomorrow night, I shall place it around her neck for the first time, and we will take our relationship to a new level throughout the evening.

I've given her a list of "expectations and preparations" so she'll be ready for the evening (I'll be coming to her house). She knows exactly what time to expect me to arrive, she knows she can dress however she wishes until she's collared (and after that her clothing choices will be determined by me). She knows what should be prepared for dinner.

She knows we'll have a collar ritual to begin the evening, including champagne, music, a fire in the fireplace, and a new candle we'll light as we begin.

She knows that tomorrow is the First of her Lessons on D/S. The focus will be on:

Learning to submit and surrender
Boundary management
Building trust

I'm planning a full evening of pleasure and pain, of sex and spankings and a few new things which will allow her to explore her commitment to be a complete Submissive, and mine to be her Dom. I suspect it will be an amazing evening, one neither of us is likely to forget for a long time.

I find myself tonight very aware of my own power and confidence and even a stirring sense of arousal, and fully aware of the responsibility I bear to lead this experience in such a way that D will experience having her boundaries tested, leaving her wondering if she can possibly take another minute of it, while realizing afterwards she can't wait for Lesson Two.

I'm so proud to announce...

2009-06-03T00:26:00.000-07:00

D has launched her own blog, the Story of D!

Now that we're in two houses, living independently from one another, she wanted to start her own blog to chronicle her continued journey into the world of spanking, domestic discipline, and now, dominance and submission.

I proudly encourage you to check out her blog and follow her story. By reading this blog, and by reading D's blog, you'll get both sides of our story as we explore our unfolding relationship.

We've both come to realize we want to discover the possibilities of a dom/sub relationship, because we believe this will take us to a deeper commitment, a stronger love, and a more complete expression of who we are, both individually and as a couple.

I'm thrilled she has started blogging; I'm as curious as anyone about how she describes her experiences.

So please, give her blog a read, and help her feel welcome to the blogging community by leaving a comment from time to time. Comments are always welcomed!

It is what it is...and what it is is good.

2009-05-31T00:58:00.000-07:00

Just over a year ago, D and I met for the first time. She'd found this blog; she emailed me, we began a whirlwind of emails, texts, and video instant messaging.

Within a short period of time, we were moving D to my home town, and we debated whether to get her an apartment (and I keep mine) or just skip that step and move in together immediately. We chose the latter.

We found a wonderful home to rent -- small but filled with terrific features, like a huge bathtub that could be surrounded by candles, a fantastic kitchen (D is a great cook!), and beautiful "nooks and crannies" that gave the home real personality.

We spent nearly a year in this place, "madly" in love and learning about one another, exploring a HOH relationship, and enjoying great spanking and love-making. And then, it all began to unravel.

At first, D was reaching a conclusion we just weren't really suited for one another in the long run. She wanted to move out, and probably end the relationship as well. That was definitely a wake up call!

But, after some long, candid talks, we realized that the real problem came from living together in our little house. We both work from home, and the reality of being together nearly 7/24 in a relatively small space meant that neither of us had much "alone time" and it was taking a toll.

In addition, D realized she'd missed the opportunity, after her marriage, to "spread her own wings" and make it on her own. Or, in other words, skipping the step of having two apartments had been a mistake. Not one that we regretted making, but one that needed correcting.

And so, we began looking for two places to rent, and to make a long story short(er), we found them -- just three blocks apart. The past month has been a lot of work in terms of moving, but has brought us both more joy than we could have hoped to experience.

We helped each other move. We helped each other shop for things we'd need (since we'd combined furniture and other things in the first house, we now would have to get new things to have two complete households). We had more fun than I would ever have predicted, and it's only gotten better ever since.

It's even gotten rather funny when we meet neighbors and try to explain our situation. "Ours is an unusual story," we start out. We try to explain that we'd been living together but now have chosen to live apart just a few blocks away from one another. Most of the time, whoever we're talking to offers a smile and the same homily: "Well, if it works for you, then it's for the best."

And you know what? That's absolutely true!

Since settling into our new homes, we've spent a lot of time together, sharing meals, helping each other decorate, watching a Netflix movie, or whatever. We're "dating." And our relationship is stronger, and closer, and better than ever.

It's great to come together and spend time doing whatever we want to do together. And it's also great to have a little nest to return to on our own, to unwind, to not have to worry about what the other person is thinking about what we're doing, and to set up to meet our personal taste.

For example, mine is an older home with a detached (and slightly leaning) garage with hardwood floors which has been remodeled but is still full of quirks and "unusual" features. It's perfect for me -- I feel relaxed and happy when I'm there. Hers is a modern, two-story townhouse with a modern garage (and garage door opener!), wall to wall carpeting, a fireplace and air conditioning. It's perfect for her. Her "stuff" really shines in this place, and as she puts it together, it really showcases her personality and taste.

The two places could hardly be more different, and yet they are both places where we feel terrific individually as well as when we're together.

We're quickly learning which places are better for spanking and love-making: each has it's advantages and disadvantages. Because they're just three blocks apart, it's easy to visit, and it's easy to "go home" afterwards.

As we've settled into Phase II of our relationship (dating and not living together) we've begun to explore and imagine how we can evolve together. While it's no longer a genuine or classic HOH relationship, it's actually becoming more fulfilling and exciting.

For instance, D is reflecting a lot lately on who she is, and what she wanted a couple of years ago in terms of her own desire to actualize her submissive self, and has noticed that there's been a change. I believe, but can't speak for D, that what's happened is that she's moved from a place of wanting to be openly submissive in a committed relationship as a way of moving out of the confinements and restrictions she felt in her life at that time, to a place of wanting to be openly submissive in a committed relationship as an opportunity to be able to let go, from time to time, of having to make all the decisions in her life.

You see, one of the things I love about D is that she is quite capable of running her own life. She has her own business, she's good at making friends, she acts on her goals and she moves forward. At the same time, there are things that D needs help with (and I'll let D share those if she wants), and she's confident enough to submit to me to set boundaries, clarify expectations and offer consequences when she screws up, knowing they will be delivered fairly and firmly, and knowing she'll grow and achieve more of her potential when she does so.

D always worries about "topping from the bottom," and I can understand this. But what we've begun to explore in depth is the symbiotic nature of the top/bottom relationship -- one can't exist without the other, and communication is the key to everything. As the bottom, D has actually helped ME grow as well, and that's not "topping from the bottom."

Who knows what the future will bring? I love D, and she loves me. We share a passion for this lifestyle, and for each other. We're sure to make our share of mistakes (individually and together) along the journey, but if we can honor our commitment to communicate honestly and openly, we'll be fine.

By not living together, we've been more keenly aware of how important it is not to take one another or our relationship for granted. What that means on a practical level, for example, is that there are less spankings but they're more intense and focused. We don't make love as often living apart, but our love-making is much more passionate than before.

I love you, D. I hope that we both continue to learn, to grow, to explore, and to become even more of who we are in the weeks, months, and years ahead.

Moving Day Approaches

2009-05-05T09:32:00.000-07:00

We've both found new digs, and we are both eager to get through the move and get settled!

We'll be living just three blocks apart -- close enough to visit often, and far enough apart to have our own "space" and (oh, how I hate this phrase!) "quality alone time."

The new arrangement has been coming along nicely. D and I have gone furniture shopping for one another, bought a few things at Beds, Baths and Beyond (and found lots of things there that can be used for you know what!), and starting packing. In a couple of weeks, we'll be in our new homes.

I reflect often on how unpredictable life can be. One moment, we're up. The next, we're down and feeling overwhelmed. The next, back up again and ready to take on the world. I suppose there's some lessons here, but right now I'm too close to the situation to sort that out.

Mostly, I'm grateful for D in my life; I'm grateful for my own (and her) resilience, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to keep having this adventure we call Life.

Oh, and D is away briefly on a business trip. I can assure you she'll get a good, firm maintenance spanking when she returns!

The Resurrection

2009-04-30T10:02:00.000-07:00

What a month!

It began on a high point – or so I thought, when D and I celebrated our first anniversary on April 6^th. We had a grand time and you can read about it in a previous post, below.

What I didn’t realize was that D was unhappy, and had been so for some time. She had reached the point where she believed we would probably have to “break up” as lovers. She left open the possibility that we could be friends afterwards, but that was it.

So, about a week after our anniversary, we had “the talk.” I was taken by surprise and could not believe my ears, but there it was – we were breaking up. Over the next 24 hours, my mind spun out of control. How could this be? What happened? What went wrong? How can I fix this? There were no answers.

And there was a practical concern as well. We were leasing a home together, we both work from the home so we’re together nearly 7/24, and the lease extended to the end of June. How would two people who had broken up their romantic, intimate relationship live together (let alone satisfy their professional responsibilities) for the next 10 weeks? How would we deal with any grief, anger, resentment, loneliness, and God knows what else?

As I write this post, I’ve tried to describe what happened next several different ways, but they all got to be too wordy. Let me just say this:

D moved out. I took a ride on the emotional roller coaster (as did D, I later found out). From the high on April 6^th to a very, very low a week or so later. But fairly quickly, I decided I had to stop whining, stop feeling like a victim, and take action.

I went house hunting and found one immediately. I began to realize that I was close to accepting what had happened with D, and in the spirit of taking a risk I decided to see if there really was any possibility of emerging as friends.

I contacted D and invited her to dinner. She was coming back to our house anyway for a three day span when I’d be out of town, so she could pack some more. I suggested she come the night before (with no strings, no obligations, nothing except dinner and conversation). She accepted my offer.

It’s difficult to describe all the things that have happened since this dinner. Here’s some headlines:

We both found a house to rent, and they are three blocks apart.

We both are looking forward to our new digs. We’re even going to help each other move.

We have honestly kept our friendship alive, and in fact, it’s better now than ever. We may be as close as we’ve ever been.

We are going to continue to date.

In some ways, we think perhaps what we’re doing now is what we should have done in the first place when D moved to my city to be with me. She needs / wants the experience of being on her own, independent, strong, and capable. She needs to finish some psychological business with a previous marriage.

My understanding of what went “wrong” between us has changed as we’ve talked and sorted it out. To be sure, there ARE some differences between us that may be long-term issues, if we stay together. Then again, maybe not. But by moving in together so quickly after meeting one another, we settled into some routines which soon became habits which morphed (in some instances) into ruts. We were lovers, but we were already beginning to take each other for granted. And we spent far too much time together, leaving no “alone time” to reflect, digest, and understand how we felt about everything.

So, the bottom line: (no pun intended!) we’re still a couple. We’re moving forward in a way that I hadn’t imagined but now completely endorse. I’m excited; she’s excited. Will we be together in two years? Five years? Forever?

No way to know. Which would be true even if we were still living together. Or got married, for that matter. But by taking the action that we’ve taken, we really come alive and both feel vibrant, optimistic, and alive.

One more thing, to answer your unspoken questions. Yes, I’m still spanking D. In fact, I gave her the toughest disciplinary spanking of our year together the last night we spent together before she moved out. Perhaps I’ll tell you more about that some time. But since we’ve reconnected and aligned, there have been several spankings, and lots of great, intimate times together.

The moral to this post? Never, EVER assume that because something appears to be over, it’s really over. You just never know. And don’t shut down a blog for that reason, either!

It feels good to be posting again. Looking forward to hearing from all of you!

And now, it's time to say goodbye...

2009-04-14T19:05:00.000-07:00

She took me by surprise, that's for sure. A few days ago, D told me that she's been unhappy for a few months, and that she doesn't see a path for us that will work in the long run. The details of our issues are not important here, nor do I wish to air them publicly. But she's packed up and left already. It's over.

We had a wonderful year together (see post below). But what I'd hoped for -- a relationship that would last through thick and through thin, wasn't to be.

I shall be grateful to D for taking the risk to contact me in the first place after I established this blog in the first place, and for some amazing and wonderful memories. I got to taste the creme de la creme in these special relationships, and no one can take that away.

I am also grateful to all of you who I've met in person, or through this blog, for your support, your stories, and your comments. May you all have peace and prosperity, health and happiness.

I'll leave the blog up for a week or so and then... :::::poof::::: it will cease to exist. Kinda like our relationship.

Happy Anniversary from D

2009-04-06T08:23:00.001-07:00

A year ago today I was reading Bonnie's blog. Her post for that day was a list of suggested blogs that her readers might enjoy. Among the list was G's blog. And the rest as they say... is history.

I thought I would share email I sent G that day.

Happy Anniversary G, I'm looking to many more years and spankings to come!

----------------------

Dear G,

I must say, after reading your blog I am intrigued. You sound exactly like the type of man and relationship I have been looking for.

I am a divorced woman of 45. I have recently relocated to the great Northwest and have decided I do not like the cold and rainy winters here. I have decided to move back to my home town, most likely in the next couple of months. When I read that you were from the same city and the type of woman and relationship you are looking for, I felt compelled to at least write and introduce myself.

I am a professional woman and own a successful business. I have always longed for a relationship as you have described in your blog. It is very difficult to find someone that I "click" with on an intimate level as well as an intellectual one.

If you are interested in pursuing a correspondence, please by all means - email back (and perhaps a photo?). If not, I wish you well in your search. I will bookmark your blog.

-D

P.S. Your description of a "proper spanking" is amazing, and exactly how I would love to be disciplined

Our First Anniversary!

2009-04-04T11:47:00.000-07:00

Well, it's certainly been a while since we updated our blog! Everything's fine, and we're doing great. Just thought I'd let everyone know we're still around, still enjoying great spanking and great loving.

We met one year ago on April 6th. We moved in together in May or June. We've been very happy together and look forward to many, many more years together.

Let us know if you want to see more blog posts. Sometimes you never know if anyone's really reading!

PS: Have we missed anything exciting in the spanko community??? Do tell!

Unbelievable!

2008-12-06T12:53:00.000-08:00

Well, I've broken a paddle or two over the years (or, to be more specific, over the bottom). But this takes the cake.

D and I were enjoying some, um, "aggressive" sexual play the other day which was quite nice. Afterwards, I noticed that our huge (and very heavy) king-sized bed was sort of sagging. Sagging!

I decided to get to the bottom of this (no pun intended) this morning, while D is off on business travel. With great difficulty, I removed the mattress (heavy and there's no room for it off the bed), and the two box springs.

Underneath, I found the problem: All THREE metal struts were bent in the middle, and the two screws in each one had popped. We will need three new cross pieces -- but where does one buy those?

In the meantime, I sort of got it all back together but only time will tell how long this will last. I'm worried that tonight, in the middle of the night, I'll come crashing down!

Hope all your trevails are as comic as this one...

Happy Spanksgiving everyone!

2008-11-26T09:39:00.001-08:00

For those of you in the U.S. we'd like to wish you all a very Happy Spanksgiving! We both have much to be thankful for, including family and friends, near and far.

I'll be giving D a nice long romantic spanking but not until late in the day, when company has come and gone.

Behave yourselves! (Well, actually, have fun!)

Mihi crede, hoc mihi magis quam tibi nocet...

2008-11-14T17:59:00.000-08:00

Which is Latin, of course, for "Believe me, this hurts me more than it hurts you!"

With which, of course, she never seems to agree.

Sigh.

But, I'm persistent. She'll come around one of these days.

Loving Our Lurkers

2008-11-11T10:27:00.000-08:00

You know who you are. You have your favorite blogs bookmarked. You love following the different stories, thoughts of people that are of like mind. You read the comments on each post. You find yourself wanting to add to the discussion, pausing your mouse over the "Post A Comment" button only to ask yourself "why would anyone care what I think?"

Well, we are here to tell you, "We do!"

Bonnie of "My Bottom Smarts" has declared today as "Love Our Lurkers day." She has asked all us bloggers to join her in asking you, our beloved lurkers, to pop your head out and comment. Say anything, it's fun! And most of all... addicting. You'll find like most things in life, taking that first step is the hardest.

Just as a side note, I used to be one you... a lurker. In fact, G's blog was the first one I ever commented on and look what happened, We're now sharing our lives together and loving one another. So you never know what will happen.

We look forward to getting to know our lurkers!

Missing my sweetie!

2008-10-31T22:03:00.000-07:00

D is away for a week on a vacation trip with a friend. She's earned it; she's been working way too hard lately and could use a relaxing break.

But this is the longest time we've been apart since we met, and I'm missing her so! It's not just because of the little (but greatly appreciated) things she does like make a fresh pot of coffee each morning. It's not even because of the wonderful times we share with her over my knee gettin' a spankin'.

Nope, I'm missing her because I love her so, and I love living in the same house, with both of working from our own offices in that house, and spending time together doing all kinds of simple things like biking and going to the farmer's market and catching a movie and watching the Daily Show together.

She's become, in just a few short months, such a part of my life that I can't hardly remember life before D. We found each other, we began a wonderful relationship, we found a nearly perfect little house in which to live, in a nearly perfect neighborhood for our tastes and interests, and I still pinch myself every now and then to make sure it's real.

It's real, and I love her, and I'm missing her (while hoping she's having a fabulous time!).

But I must say, she's going to get a heckofa spanking when she returns! (And she'll love it too!)

A Wonderful Birthday

2008-10-27T13:24:00.000-07:00

Despite the comedy of errors Saturday turned out to be, yesterday was a wonderful day spent with G. I did not lift a finger other than to the remote control to switch between football games. Throughout the day G made sure my pleasure centers were well taken care of. I think the count at the end of the day was 3 huge "I'm on a different planet" orgasms and numerous spankings. He also gave me 3 different cards throughout the day, which the one below is my favorite.

D & G’s Not So Excellent Adventure

2008-10-26T10:34:00.000-07:00

G had it all planned out. For my birthday present, he was going to whisk me away to a B&B in the woods to relax. I love surprises, so he did not tell me where we were going. He gave me a few hints on what to pack. Then he asked me to leave the room so he could finish packing. (YAY! More surprises!)

The ride to the B&B only took an hour. It was indeed in the middle of the woods. The clerk gave us 2 keys so we could choose which room we would like to stay in. How nice!

We drove down a little dirt road to our cabin. The first thing we noticed and remarked on just how quiet it was. Just because we didn’t voice it, I know our spanko brains were both thinking the same thing… “Anyone within a few 100 yards of us is going to hear EVERYTHING we are doing.” Oh well, they’ll just have to cope. Let’s look at the rooms.

After a bit of struggling with the lock, G was finally able to get the door open. We were immediately hit with a stench. If this smell were to be bottled and sold, the name would probably be something like “Grandma’s Attic that Hasn’t Been Cleaned in 20 Years”. The room itself was not all that it was cracked up to be either. It was tiny with matching small bathroom, The bedspread and pillows looked like they hadn’t been washed in at least a year. It contained one rickety looking chair which looked like it would have collapsed if G even attempted to take me OTK. And not that it’s absolutely necessary, no TV. We looked at each other and said “Let’s check out the other room.” The other room wasn’t any better but at least the smell wasn’t as bad. I could see the disappointment in G’s face, this was not at all turning out like he had planned.

We went into the quaint little town that was nearby to buy a candle that would at least mask the smell and to have something to eat. Over dinner we came to the conclusion that we were both equally disappointed in how events have transpired and we both rather be sleeping in our own bed. After dinner we went back to the room, loaded the car back up with our bags and drove home. We ended up just laughing trying our best to make lemonade out of this batch of smelly lemons.

I feel so bad for G who spent the time and not to mention the money on trying to make my birthday special. No matter what, I am grateful to have G in my life for this birthday and hopefully many more to come. I have to say I won’t forget this one anytime soon!

Back On Track

2008-10-23T08:29:00.000-07:00

Alright, I know I deserve a hard discipline spanking for not posting and keeping in touch. Line forms to the left. But before I go over your knee, hear me out.

After Shadow Lane, G and I were so happy about the whole experience and on a great big high. Then things started to crash around me. It seemed like everything I touched, business, friends, life in general… turned into crap. I started to go into a depression.

At first I just thought it was a form of sub-drop after the SL party. There was also a lot going on personally for me, but it was much more than that. I started to generate thoughts and feelings of self loathing. The one thing that anyone will tell you is once you start down that slippery slope, it’s much easier to just keep going down into that dark hole than to climb up out of it. When I get upset or sad, I tend to withdraw, get very quiet and of all things, sleep. All I want to do is pull the covers over my head and escape.

I let everything go. My health, brain, work, friends, family… all suffered. And sadly, G received the brunt of it. It even got to the point I was having second thoughts about G and wondering if we should call it quits. The DD aspect of our relationship had all but stopped as well. Last week things came to an ugly head, and thankfully G forced a conversation I had been avoiding. It’s not that I won’t talk, it’s just incredibly hard for me to turn emotional thoughts in my head into something that make sense verbally.

After a very difficult conversation and finding out there had been a lot of miscommunication, we ended up in an embrace and held on to each other for a long time. We agreed that we love each other and need to give ourselves a chance.

I felt myself slowly climbing out of that dark hole.

Yesterday was my birthday. I tend to look back on this day and see where I’ve been in the past year and what lessons I’ve learned. One of the biggest is just how much I love and cherish my friends. I have realized that it’s ok to ask for help and cry on their shoulder when needed. I vowed to reconnect with as many as I can over the next couple of days.

So, where better to start than with my on-line friends? I opened my Google reader for the first time in about a month yesterday to catch up with all of you. Wow! It hit me like a hammer just how long it’s been since I’ve lifted my head out of the sand. You all have been busy! I am looking forward to catching up on all of your adventures. Thank you to those of you who have expressed your concerns and thoughts. They are much appreciated.

Alrighty then, who’s knee do I go over first?

Sunday at SL: Happiness & Sadness

2008-09-19T16:00:00.000-07:00

Sunday morning we ended up in Jules room visiting, laughing, hearing tales of the night before and of past spanking parties. G also had a fun time playing with several bratty girls.

I won’t try to explain the lovely giraffe. Suffice to say, she got what she deserved, corner time and a good flogging.

Of course the sadness came when we had to say our good-byes. We checked out and headed on home around 1pm. The drive home went by rather quickly as G and I talked about all our adventures and feelings we had over the weekend. I was pleased to find out that we were on the same page on many things especially on the subject of playing with other people. The “ugly green monster” did not rear it’s ugly head as we feared it might. In fact, from my point of view it was fun to watch G play with someone else. I enjoyed seeing how much he was getting out of it. It’s true… when he’s happy, I’m happy.

All in all – I am delighted that we attended the Shadow Lane party. Sure there were negatives, but the positives sure outweighed any of them.

I would encourage anyone who is just thinking about attending a spanking party to go at least once. To quote Hunter S. Thompson: “Buy the ticket, take the ride.”

So, after finally experiencing a party first hand, my advice would be:
• Make sure to connect with people via blogs and the bulletin board before the party. Jules said something that proved to be very true, “a spanking party is as good as the company you keep.”
• If you are going to go as a couple, make sure to communicate and talk about your feelings.
• Be prepared for the post-party drop. I usually feel down after a vacation, but it his me particularly hard after SL (for those of you who are subs and dabble in BDSM – it was just like sub-drop.)

I know that this post has been long overdue. My vanilla life once again has taken center stage and just in general a bit overwhelmed right now. I have been lurking on all of my favorite blogs, but I have had no desire lately to write a post or comment. I’m hoping to get back into the swing of things soon.

Ooops!

2008-09-18T08:05:00.000-07:00

I was spanking D the other day with a ping pong paddle, and it broke.
Ooops!

Saturday Night - Pain and Pleasure

2008-09-12T08:33:00.000-07:00

Dinner that evening was a more formal affair, For me, it’s always fun to play dress up – even in the vanilla world. I had bought a “little black dress” for the occasion. G wore a black suit with black turtleneck. G is very handsome. And when he dresses for an occasion, he ramps is up his good looks a notch and it just turns me on to no end. We were lucky we made it down to the dinner at all. Needless to say, we were a little late showing up.

We sat a great table with good people and conversation. I was feeling much more comfortable. G and I even took a spin on the dance floor. We decided to head back up and attend some suite parties. As we were leaving, we stopped to say hi to Rad and Sandy. Sandy asked if we still wanted to play. I was feeling much more comfortable, thinking she meant sometime later that evening giving me some time to mentally “prepare” (what ever the hell that means). I said “Sure!” She looked at her watch and said “How about in a ½ hour?”

“ummm…. Ahhhhh….. ummmm…..” That was my brilliant reply. I thought I would have at least an hour or two to back out of it. Thank goodness G had the power speech and said “OK, ½ hour in our suite.” She said it would just be her, Rad had a couple of prior commitments.

Nothing like being thrown into the deep end. Luckily, I’m an excellent swimmer.

I had bought an adorable plaid jumper complete with leather suspenders from Betsy Johnson to wear for G (he has a thing for naughty school girls among other things). He talked me into wearing it for the scene. I had a white cotton shirt, knee high stockings and patent leather Mary Jane shoes to complete the ensemble. It put me into the mindset completely. I was also surprisingly calm. The knock came at the door and in walked both Sandy and Rad. His appt. had rescheduled and he was able to play too. They both seemed to like what I was wearing. We all sat down and started with just general chit-chat. Then the subject turned to how we were going to play the scene. Sandy suggested since the way I was dressed that I was obviously a school girl who needs to be disciplined. Then she started to paint the picture and background on why I was there. Then Rad took over on the explanation which then turned into scolding, Before I knew it – the game was on.

Almost instantaneously, I was no longer D, I was a bratty school girl who couldn’t understand at all why she deserved any discipline at all. What a high this was for me. I love role play (hi, my name is D, and I’m a frustrated actress) and I had 3 people to bounce off of that are excellent at it. The roles ended up being Principal (Rad), Teacher (Sandy) and Dad (G). I liked the fact that we didn’t over discuss what our roles were going to be, etc. It just developed naturally. Much like a great improv session.

Having never played with either Rad or Sandy, I didn’t know how far I could push the envelope. This just added to the excitement and enjoyment of the scene. Now I know I could have pushed even harder than I did (and next time I will).

The scene lasted for 45 minutes and no one broke character the entire time. I’m not going to go into details here, but from OTK, corner time, strapped over the arm of the sofa, strapped while restrained and panty gagged on the bed, I almost had enough for one day.

After it was all over with I was in subspace heaven. I kept on asking, “Did you all get as much out of that as I did?” They all assured me that they absolutely did. Rad and Sandy had another appointment to get to. We hugged and all agreed that it would be great to play with each other in the future.

G and I decided to cruise a couple of suite parties. We ended up socializing into the wee hours of the morning. I was actually giddy – I couldn’t stop smiling, on a spanko high the rest of the night. All in all a great way to end the day.

I would like to thank Rad and Sandy for not being “gentle” to this spanko virgin (see my “firsts” list). They were fabulous and gave me exactly what I needed and didn’t hold back. Never at any time did I feel uncomfortable or had any thought of “I don’t want to be doing this.”

And a very special thanks to G – my lover and confidant. He has been and continues to be my rock that I can depend on. Encouraging and pushing me in directions that maybe I might not agree with but he knows that they are in my best interest.

This is a memory I will not soon forget and will always remember with a smile on my face.

Saturday Afternoon - Pleasure

2008-09-11T18:30:00.000-07:00

I responded to Sandy and said we would stop by.

It was just a couple of friends getting together for “coffee talk” (said in a Brooklyn accent). I don’t know why, but there, I felt comfortable. There was no spanking going on, just friends getting together having a good time. I hadn’t laughed that much all weekend thanks to Jules and her fabulous set of rules (these will be highlighted in a future blog post). Also Katy-Lynn and KathyCA had us rolling.

After a little while, I was asked by someone, “So what do you think so far?” After a considerable pause, I confessed, “I’m a bit overwhelmed” and also admitted that I might not want to play with anyone but G. I also shared what had happened at the sisterhood party. Every single person there related and repeated what G had told me the night before. I shouldn’t do anything that I don’t feel comfortable doing and that people will respect that. It meant so much to have my feelings validated and find out I wasn’t alone. After awhile the gathering broke up. We exchanged phone and emails with several people and then headed downstairs for lunch.

I was feeling much better. After lunch we gambled a little. I even won a jackpot and was able to come home with a little extra money. G and I eventually worked our way back upstairs to our suite where we had one of the best spanking / love making sessions of the weekend.

Things were definitely looking up.

To be continued…

Saturday Morning – Pain

2008-09-11T08:02:00.000-07:00

I woke up Saturday morning to the sound of my phone alerting me to a voice mail. I was feeling the same way I went to sleep, disappointed and a little depressed.

The voicemail was from Suzy reminding me that the Sisterhood party was at 10am. Hosted by Kat and Dee, the sisterhood meeting has become a tradition at SL. It involves a gathering of ladies on Saturday morning and is a fun time sharing and eating. About an hour after it starts mystery spankers come to the party and you can participate if you want or not. I was very reluctant to go and started to make excuses on why I shouldn’t.

At this point, I think G had finally had enough and punctuated his feelings on the matter with an OTK session. He insisted that it would be good for me to get out and go. It didn’t take long for me to see his point of view (after all, “Life is Good”). I took a shower, got dressed and went on my way.

I walked into the suite and was welcomed immediately. There were about 15 ladies in all and I wasn’t the only newbie. I still felt uneasy but tried to relax and get out my own head. We talked and introduced ourselves. About 45 minutes had passed and a couple of “mystery spankers” showed up (Magic Steve and Uncle David). All the ladies seemed delighted. I on the other hand started to freak. “I don’t want to get spanked.”, “I was enjoying the talk, what happened?” I made a really lame excuse and bolted. I’m sure I looked like a complete idiot and made a great first impression.

I went back to the room and explained what happened to G. He, as always, understood and said he was proud of me for at least trying.

It was almost lunch time and we decided to head downstairs to the coffee shop. On our way out the door I received a text message from Sandy saying that if we had time we should come by and say hi.

To be continued…

On a side note regarding bolting from the sisterhood party. I loathe liers and lying in general. Making up an excuse to get out of the party is something I am most certainly not proud of. My sincerest apologies to all involved and especially to Suzy who was and continues to be so kind to me.

Friday: Anxiety and Disappointment

2008-09-08T11:55:00.000-07:00

Anxiety
I met Rad (Radspace) and Sandy (This Cat is Crazy & The Corporal Consultant) over breakfast. (G didn’t make it… he was up rather late (ahem) and when I left the room, he just had one eye open). I was incredibly nervous to start meeting people in person. Of course, after the first initial “How do you do’s” that feeling disappeared. Sandy and Rad seem to be well known in the scene and have quite the following (spanko rock stars if you will – even if they won’t admit it.) As people trickled into the coffee shop, they would stop by and say hi, exchange room numbers, etc. They graciously introduced me and slowly but surely that feeling of anxiety was whittled down to non-existent. Then Rad asked, “So, do you want to play sometime this weekend?” On the outside I acted very matter of fact and said “Sure.” But on the inside I was shouting… YAY!! YIPPPEEE!!! He wants to play with me!! I looked over at Sandy and said I would also like to play with her, and she seemed to like that idea as well.

And then then all of a sudden, the anxiety feeling started to creep in again… “Oh shit… this is really going to happen.”

We ended breakfast and would discuss specifics of when and where we would play to a later time. As we were walking out of the coffee shop we ran into G. Introductions were made and then Sandy and I attended to “girly” duties for the rest of the morning leaving the boys to their own devices and appointments.

Sandy and I had a couple of hours of alone time, and I enjoyed her company completely. One of the most pleasant surprises for me was how many women I got along with (I have very few girlfriends). I just seem to get along with and be more comfortable with men. Finding a woman that I can talk to so openly and freely and that isn’t threatened by who I am and what I’m into is a wonderful and rare occurrence. And not only did I feel this with Sandy, there were several women I felt I connected with.

Friday night was the vendors fair. We didn’t know where to go so I posted a “help us, we are lost” message on the SL bulletin board. About an hour before the fair, I received a call from Suzy (of Todd & Suzy – American Spanking Society) saying that they would show us the way to the fair. (I still can’t get over how friendly everyone was). They came up to the suite and we all headed down together.

Disappointment
The fair was fun but a little smaller than I expected (as far as the number of vendors present). It was a great time to get to know people and find out about what suite parties were planned for the night. I really enjoyed meeting everyone, but I started feeling overwhelmed. I couldn’t quite wrap my brain around what was going on around me. As people were making play dates and a demo paddlings were taking place, I came to the stark realization that I might not want to play with anyone else but G.

After the fair we attended one suite party. The feeling of shyness and disappointment started to overtake me. I started thinking that people would look down on me if I didn’t play. I know it was completely stupid to feel this way, but I did. I found myself wanting to be anywhere else but there. G was very understanding and took me back to our room. We talked for awhile and he assured me any feelings I might have are valid and I shouldn’t do anything I don’t want to do. We still had each other and that’s what matters most. I agreed, but the feeling that I was letting him and everyone else down never left me. G wasn’t sleepy at all and decided to stay up. He kissed me goodnight, I pulled the covers over my head and quickly fell asleep.

Maybe I’ll feel different tomorrow.

Emotions at SL

2008-09-06T11:36:00.000-07:00

A lot of personal firsts were achieved at SL:

In same space with 300+ spankos

Spanked by someone other than sexual partner

Not hiding the fact I'm being spanked

Topped by a woman

Topped by 3 people at the same time

Pain Slut that I am, I almost had enough spanking in one day

Something that really took my by surprise were my emotions. They ran the gambit;

Thursday: Anticipation and Excitement
Friday: Anxiety and Disappointment
Saturday: Pleasure and Pain
Sunday: Happiness and Saddness

I was planning to blog and twitter as events were happening, but found myself wanting to be more “in the moment” and write about it afterwards. Then when we arrived home, our vanilla lives took over. I've have also been coming down from the party high and have felt drained all week.

My apologies if SL is old news by now, but I would like to elaborate on each day. It’s more for me to sort out my feelings than anything else. That being said, this blog post could easily turn into a novel. So I am going to turn each day into a separate entry. Thursday I’ve already posted. Next up Friday: Anxiety and Disappointment.

We Made It – Shadow Lane Party Report

2008-08-29T08:23:00.001-07:00

It has been a very hectic past 2 weeks getting our vanilla lives in order. We wanted to enjoy Shadow Lane’s spanking party this weekend without anything hanging over our heads. G was more successful in this than I was. Work for me always seems to take over my life, even when I try to go on vacation. But that’s for another time and another blog post. Suffice to say, we walked out the door and got on the road (we drove) at 11:45am yesterday (a bit later than we first anticipated).

The ride was uneventful until half way through when the car decided to overheat. The thermometer read 117 degrees outside and the care apparently had had enough. We pulled off to the side of the road in the middle of nowhere and let it cool down for a while. We got back on the road but were now running without air conditioning, but the car seemed to be ok now. We made it the rest of the way without incident and checked into our beautiful suite around 7pm. We were exhausted and decided to order room service for dinner.

We have two couches in the suite and G decided it was time to christen one of them with an OTK warm up. How great was it to not have to worry about what the neighbors might hear! Because they probably are doing the same exact thing!

It took me awhile to unpack (G to insert sarcastic comment here on how I overpack for everything) After food hit my stomach, that was it. My brain shut down. We were invited to attend a party at Todd and Suzy’s, but I would have made a really bad impression as fell asleep in a corner somewhere. So I opted to go to bed.

Woke up this morning feeling good. Going now to meet Sandy for breakfast and pedicures afterwards. Can’t wait to get the party started!

More later…

Left Cheek Friday

2008-08-22T10:48:00.001-07:00

Started a new "tradition" today: Left Cheek Friday. Seems to be working well so far, except I'm convinced D's right cheek is a little jealous.

The Stick is just as mighty as the Carrot

2008-08-19T07:13:00.000-07:00

Fellow blogger, Hermione (Hermione’s Heart) had a great post Sunday; “The Carrot or the Stick.” It questioned if a reward for a goal achieved is a better motivator than discipline for failure. A very good question indeed.

My comment regarding this topic was:

I love receiving a reward for good deeds accomplished.

But, I am finding my motivation is just as intense (if not more so) that if I don't accomplished said task, that a discipline spanking is in my future.

I think the HOH is the key in this. They must, and have to be able to successfully differentiate a discipline spanking from one that is considered a reward. Otherwise, it can be very confusing and the whole point of the process is lost.

Little did I know later that day I would put this very theory to the test.

One of my first real disciplinary spankings was regarding driving and speeding (The Welcome Home). Yesterday I received a speeding ticket. I was not looking forward to facing G.

I thought about the post and the comment I made. Did that first disciplinary spanking do any good being I just did the same thing and now got caught? Would another spanking just be wasted?

As we all in the DD community have pondered (and from what I see, pretty much agree on) each DD couple makes it up as they go along and does what it right for their relationship. As G and I discussed the situation and the possible outcomes, we came to the conclusion that consistency is the key if this is going to work. He said (and I agreed) that if he didn’t discipline me, deep down I would be disappointed and not respect him as the HOH.

We took care of it then and there. He had me completely undress and lie face down on the bed. I was naked… vulnerable. He had a tone in his voice that meant business. He told me to be still and I was to receive 20. I was in tears from the pain after only 10. This was absolutely the hardest spanking I have ever received and came very close to using my safe word. Sex was the FURTHEST thing from my mind. (The only reason why I interject this is to emphasize that G indeed knows how to successfully differentiate a disciplinary spanking from a fun/play spanking.)

This morning I woke up still feeling the sting, both physically and mentally. I am glad that G went through with it. I do have more respect and love for him by that act of discipline.

So… the carrot or the stick? Can’t we have both?

It's Showtime Folks!

2008-08-13T13:00:00.000-07:00

From the Showtime series "Weeds"
All I have to say is that I'm watching this show from now on!

Social Networking – Spanko Style

2008-08-11T14:14:00.000-07:00

I still find it pretty incredible that I could write down a few words, post them to this blog and then someone half-way around the world can read those very words almost instantaneously.

Blogging is just one of many ways of communicating and networking these days. Another social networking craze is called Twitter.

What is Twitter you ask knowingly? This is from their home page:

Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?

You are limited to only 140 characters per tweet, so the info being passed is short and sweet.

I have a Twitter account for my vanilla side and I am finding very useful, staying current with news stories, industry trends, etc. As well as staying in touch with friends.

So I thought, why not create an account for my spanko side? If you would like to follow me, just look up my my Twitter username: SpankMe. I will be twittering my daily spanko adventures with G and spanko topics in general. I will also be tweeting “blow by blow” from the Shadow Lane party.

If you haven’t tried it, I highly suggest a test drive. It’s very easy to set up an account, tons of fun and best of all it’s Free!

Side Note - You can download a desktop app so you don’t have to keep on going to the website to look at or update tweets. I recommend Tweetdeck or Digsby. If you have an iPhone, you can download the app – Twitterrific from the iTunes App Store.

Training and Conditioning for Shadow Lane

2008-08-08T09:08:00.000-07:00

Yes, D and I will be attending this month's Shadow Lane party in Las Vegas. We're very excited to be attending our first time.

From everything I've read, there's LOTS of spanking at the party. (D'oh!) So, having given that some considerable thought, it seems to me that we should be preparing ourselves as best we can for the festivities.

On one level, of course, this means thinking about what clothes to bring (I'll leave that up to D), and what implements to bring (I shall handle that).

But, on another level, it's probably not a bad idea to get ready on a physical level for the party. Having read several post-party reports from previous attendees, it's clear that many of the bottoms are spanked several times each day.

So, to help D be ready for all of this, I'm going to have to start a training regimen immediately. With only three weeks to go, the plan looks like this:

Week One

Spankings three times a day, every other day, mostly OTK with my hand, but with the occasional implement as well.

Week Two

Spankings five or six times a day, five days a week, with a full compliment of hand / implements, ranging from the Bloomie (a wooden spoon we bought at Bloomingdales) to the nasty paddle we got from The Crypt, and not neglecting the belt and strap. (I don't use a cane.)

Week Three

Six or seven spankings daily, ranging from light to OMG owie!!! in all positions -- over my knee, bent over the bed, on the bed with a pillow underneath, etc.

Not having attended before, I can only guestimate the proper conditioning program so I'm hopeful this will fully prepare both D and I (after all, my hand is an instrument that must be properly conditioned as well) for the event.

We should be ready, just in time, to enjoy the party, don't you think???

Thinking A Whole New Way

2008-08-06T08:09:00.000-07:00

We live a wonderfully diverse neighborhood and are surrounded by Mom & Pop coffee shops, organic food markets, bondage shops, etc. which are easily accessible by walking or by biking. One of my favorite activities in is riding our utility bike to the farmer’s market every Sunday.

I had finished shopping and loaded up my bike with flowers, fresh baked bread and vegetables and headed on home. When I realized something was missing.

When I first started bicycling, G showed me the ropes (he’s been at this sport for years). One of the first things he taught me was “ALWAYS wear your helmet!”

So, when I came to the realization that the thing that was missing was my helmet, the first thought to go through my head was, “Oh shit! I forgot to put on my helmet, I’ll get a spanking for sure!”

I quickly pulled over to the side of the road and put on my helmet.

Before G was in my life, the first thought would have been, “I forgot to put on my helmet… Oh well.” And I would have rode home the rest of the way without it.

I find it fascinating how being in a DD relationship, my thought processes are being modified to react to things much differently than I would have in the past. And in my humble opinion, for the better.

Side Note 1) The photo above is of a pair of silver rings I purchased for G and I at the Farmer’s market. The artist creates jewelry from old typewriter keys and parts. These particular keys were from a 1920’s Remington typewriter.

Side Note 2) My apologies for using a bit of “colorful” language. I do tend to have a potty mouth and yes, G is attempting to correct this nasty habit as well.

Spanking Haiku

2008-08-04T21:39:00.000-07:00

She stands before me
A naughty pleated plaid skirt
Her eyes avoiding mine.

Wordlessly I take
Her hand in mine, leading her
To the candlelit bedroom.

I guide her to lean
Over the bed, arms stretched out...
Anticipation!

Her skirt is lifted
Revealing flowered panties
She squirms on her toes.

I whisper softly
"Are you ready?" and she melts
Her bottom clenches.

The first spanks are sharp
but playful; she kicks one foot
Wiggling with pain and pleasure.

Soon, I reach under
The waistband of her panties
She protests quickly!

Lowered so slowly
She sighs in futility
Moaning in sweet surrender.

Her bottom pinkens
As I spank from cheek to cheek
My bare hand stinging.

She stops resisting
And we become one person
Spanker and Spankee.

The sublime pleasure
The exquisite, focused pain
Blending into one.

Afterwards, I hold
Her close, stroking her soft hair
Affirming our love.

New Implement!

2008-08-02T12:24:00.000-07:00

I've discovered a great new implement -- our cable TV remote! It's handy, curved on the back so it fits a bottom perfectly, lightweight, and can be kept in plain view!

D grumbles when I pick up the remote, but I think she loves it as much as me.

What unusual "implements" do you use?

Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda.

2008-07-31T04:30:00.000-07:00

I did not meet my Tuesday deadline that I set for myself.

I did try, but life simply got in the way. G saw how I was working hard and giving an all out effort. He gave me an extension of one day (without me even asking). By mid-day yesterday I came to the realization that I wasn't going to meet his extended deadline either. Mentally I started beating myself up completely.

You know the feeling...
I had an all out attack of the "wouldas, shouldas, couldas".

I tend to get rather quiet when something is bothering me, and I was absolutely silent by the time we went to bed. Of course, the foremost thing on my mind was... "When is it coming? Is he going to carry out the discipline tonight? Maybe in the morning?"

But instead of discipline, G talked. And in turn I opened up and he listened. This is something no other man I've been with has been able to do so effectively. The fact that he actually has a genuine interest in what I have to say just floors me sometimes.

G reminded me that ultimately, the deadlines were self-imposed. And even though I did not meet every one them, they did accomplish their goal. Which was to get me off my butt and get the taxes done.

He also declared that I have learned my lesson and that a discipline spanking wasn't going to help matters. He did say if I was still feeling guilt or anxiety, that maybe a release spanking would help. I kissed and thanked him for his caring and understanding. I was very tired and all I could think of at that point was sleep.

So here I am at 4am writing this post. Unable to sleep a wink. I wonder now if I should have taken him up on his offer?

Shadow Lane: Yes or No?

2008-07-26T09:38:00.000-07:00

D and I have the kind of DD relationship that combines the occasional discipline spanking with lots (and I do mean LOTS) of "recreational" spanking -- fun spankings, quickie spankings, erotic spankings, and "dress up spankings" (if you saw D in her short pleated skirt, you'd know exactly what I mean).

Anyway... after we met, we discovered we'd both had a long curiosity about spanking parties, like the ones sponsored by Shadow Lane. There's one coming up in August in Las Vegas, and we're thinking of going.

But we've never been, and we have several concerns. We'd love to get any input from folks who've attended (or know someone who has). One of our concerns is that because the party has been held so many times, there is an "in-crowd" that won't welcome newcomers. I don't think this would be intentional, but rather a simple act of human nature. We don't want to spend the money to come to a large party where we don't feel we can "fit in."

Second, of course, it IS a public affair (or semi-public affair). What with the stories about the "outings" in England, we have what I think are normal concerns about revealing ourselves and our wonderful pastime to complete strangers.

On the other hand, we both think it would be soooo much fun and special to find ourselves in the middle of a group of like-minded people for a change, where we don't have to keep anything secret, where we might learn a few things from others, and where it would be pretty cool to see others being spanked.

So we're thinking of going. Any input from all of you out in the blogosphere would be Quite Welcome, indeed!

Accountability

2008-07-25T11:54:00.001-07:00

Owning my own business, I've only been accountable to myself. Which makes it very easy to come up with excuses on why things didn't get done, etc. Yes, there are my clients, but ultimately - it's up to me, and only me if my business succeeds or fails.

Now that I am in a DD relationship, I have someone else I can count on and be accountable to. G genuinely has my best interests at heart. And when I come to him asking for help, he takes it very seriously. And in turn, so do I.

At the beginning of this partnership with G, I thought the threat of a disciplinary spanking would be my sole motivation for doing well. Now I have discovered is (much to my surprise) what I dread more than the disciplinary spanking itself, is the thought of disappointing him.

I know ultimately I should be doing it for me. But it sure helps knowing that I have his strong arms holding me up! (Or, bending me over if need be!)

Progress report... I didn't need the extension after all. I finished sorting out my paperwork at 11:30pm last night (Thursday).

Next deadline: Tuesday: July 29 - Enter paperwork into spreadsheets.

My Next Deadline

2008-07-24T08:17:00.001-07:00

I did something I did't want to do... I asked G for a one day extension on my next deadline. On Tuesday, I realized that there was no way I was going to get my paperwork sorted by EOD today (EOD=End Of Day).

Yesterday he graciously gave me the extension (the deadline is now EOD Friday). I really DO NOT want this spanking to happen (the exact reason why I asked for the extension.)

I'm curious about a couple of things... Should I have even asked for the extension? Was G too generous on giving me the extension? If I'm not successful in completing my task on the extended date - should my punishment be more severe?

Of course, there are really no right or wrong answers to these questions. Being that every DD relationship is unique, the "right" answers will be what is best for myself and G.

But I am curious to find out about what you have to say. Please share your comments, I would like to hear other points of view.

Get your taxes done, or GET SPANKED!

2008-07-20T17:16:00.000-07:00

Friday, D came to me to ask for some "help" with her taxes. She's already filed for an extension, and now she needs to get the paperwork to her tax preparer in the next month or so.

D wanted to be held accountable for getting this task done on time. She strongly believed that the consequence of a firm, no-nonsense disciplinary spanking was just the ticket.

I agreed to hold her accountable, of course, because that's my responsibility. But the more I thought about it, I realized that D's potential for success would be much greater if she would divide the (seemingly overwhelming) task into smaller pieces.

We both work in (separate) offices in our home. Although it might sound a bit daft, I sent her an email (I like a paper trail for goals), as follows:

To: D
From: G
Re: Your tax extension project
Date: July 18, 2008

You’ve come to me asking for some “motivation” to complete your income taxes for last year, and told me you have about 30 days to complete your preparation for the tax preparer.

Of course, the motivation comes in the form of a no-nonsense disciplinary spanking for failure to meet your commitment to complete this project on time.

I would like to make several suggestions to help you with this project.

1. Please prepare a project timeline that breaks the tasks down into three chunks. If you listed all you have to do, ask yourself: what could I complete in one week, two weeks, and three weeks?

2. I would like you to have the entire project done in three weeks (not 30 days) so that there is some room to complete the project on time if you don’t meet these interim deadlines.

3. I will expect a verbal report from you on these occasions:

a. When you’ve completed dividing the project into three one-week steps. I will expect this to be completed by the end of this weekend (July 20)

b. You will report whether you completed the first week’s tasks by July 27th. If you have not completed all the tasks in this portion of the project by this time, you will be given a firm disciplinary spanking.

c. You will report whether you have completed the second week’s tasks by August 3rd. If you have not completed all the tasks in this portion (and the previous portion) of the project by this time, you will be given a firm disciplinary spanking.

d. You will report on whether you have completed the third week’s tasks (in essence, the entire project) by August 10th. If you have not completed the project by this time, you will be given a firm disciplinary spanking.

e. If you have remaining tasks after August 10th, you will complete them by August 17th, ready for the tax preparer. Once again, if you have not completed (and made arrangements to get the documents to the tax preparer) by this time, you will be given a firm disciplinary spanking.
It is not my intention to deliver several disciplinary spankings.

It is my intention to keep you on track for a successful project. I would be happiest if you completed this project with no disciplinary spankings whatsoever.

If you have any questions, let me know. I’m completely confident that you can and will complete this project on time.

Love,
G

Yesterday, I received an email from D:

To: G
From: D
Re: My tax extension project
Date: July 19, 2008

Thank you for your help regarding my “motivation” to complete my income taxes for last year.
I have only one modification on the timeline I would like to make (with your approval of course). Since the taxes are due August 15th, I would like to shorten the period from 3 weeks to getting them done by the end of the month and delivered to my accountant. (This way it gives him time to complete the necessary paperwork before the deadline of August 15th. )
The three steps and timeline are as follows:

1) EOD Thursday, July 24 – Have all receipts and paperwork sorted out by month and categories

2) EOD Tuesday, July 29 – Have receipts and paperwork digitally recorded via spreadsheets and Quickbooks.

3) EOD Thursday, July 31 – All paperwork filed and electronically sent to accountant.

I will give you a verbal report on these occasions. And if I have not completed all the tasks by the time stated above, I understand that I will be given a firm disciplinary spanking.
As always, your efforts and thoughtfulness are much appreciated.

Love,
D

I'm happy to report that D's response to my email was more than sufficient as her report on the first milestone, and I am delighted with the changes she proposes. As much as we both love spanking, I would be quite pleased if she completes her project on time, and avoids having to be disciplined for it.

That's the real goal of a loving disciplinary relationship -- the achievement of goals without having to be spanked for procrastination. I'm confident she'll reach each of the milestones in this project on time.

But, if she does procrastinate, I shall not hesitate to deliver my end of the bargain -- a complete, no-nonsense, disciplinary spanking.

I'll keep you posted!

What We Did On Our Summer Vacation

2008-07-13T07:38:00.000-07:00

We have been out and about these past couple of weeks on our Summer vacation (hence, the lack of blog posts). We thought you might enjoy seeing a couple of photos...

Letting Go

2008-07-02T20:53:00.000-07:00

Today I cried.

Not only did I cry… I sobbed.

It’s now been 1 month since moving in together (and they said it wouldn’t last!) So far, it has been a wonderful experience and we both keeping telling each other in all sincerity “I’m the luckiest person on the planet!”

In the past week, I had the unfortunate experience of having to go to the emergency room with an UTI (Urinary Tract Infection). I was peeing blood and was understandably a little “freaked.” G was calm and understanding and was able to comfort me and let me know it was going to be OK.

And it was OK.

Apparently, this is a common thing (especially for people that have been going at it like a couple of teenagers!) and cleared up easily with a regimen of antibiotics.

Our sexual adventures have taken a back seat during all of this. And to put it mildly… I have been a bit frustrated. For the past couple of days I have been feeling much better and have been hinting to G that I would like to engage in a bit of sexual play. And he in turn would tease, “Maybe in 2 or 3 weeks after your infection is completely cleared up.” AAARRGGHHH!!

This morning, G asked if I was available to take a break (we both have home offices). He caught me at the right time and I said “Sure.”

He proceeded to take me by the hand and lead me to the bedroom. He crawled onto the bed and motioned for me to join him. As I laid in his arms, he stroked my hair and told me how much he appreciated all I had done for him and he wanted to show his gratitude.

“I would like to give you a spanking and take you to a place where you need to be.”

And he did.

Draped over his lap, G spanked me soundly and then brought me to orgasm. As I climaxed, it happened…. I started to cry. Then the crying turned to sobbing. I could hear G’s soft voice comforting me, “it’s alright baby, let it go… let it all go.”

I didn’t realize how much I needed the release, but G obviously did.

We stayed in that position for a long time while I wept. I think everything just caught up with me in that moment and I was able to release it in one joyous amazing burst. This was a happy, gratitude type of cry. Not a sad one.

This was the first time G saw me cry. I don't think it will be the last.

"The soul would have no rainbow, if the eyes had no tears."
Native American Proverb

Before and After

2008-06-25T17:34:00.000-07:00

We've added a "before" and "after" picture of D getting a spankin' (to the right). Love to hear what you think of the pics!

Which side of the bed?

2008-06-24T12:27:00.001-07:00

I had to do a test the other day to determine which side of the bed was best for spanking D. The problem was she had put on some delicious jammies, and they always give me the itch to do some spanking.

So, we tried it on the left side of the bed, and on the right side of the bed, and finally, as you see, laying over the footboard.

Turns out all sides of the bed are PERFECT for a good spanking, as you can see. :-)

What is it about jammies that just cry out for a good spankin'?

The Welcome Home

2008-06-20T10:03:00.000-07:00

My business trip took me away for 3 days. Needless to say, I was VERY anxious to get back to my new home and life with G.

I drove to my destination and now I had a 5 hour trip back. Now... I do freely admit I have a bit of a lead foot when it comes to driving in general. And on this particular day all I could think of is being back in G's arms, so I found myself speeding and making a couple of real bonehead moves on the road.

When I came to realization that I came rather close to being in or causing an accident, (and given the nature of our relationship) I decided to tell G what I had done and accept the consequences.

When I pulled into the driveway G came out to greet me and hugged and kissed me tenderly. With great pride and enthusiasm, he showed me all of the things he had done while I was away to make our new home even more comfortable for us. Then he led me into the bedroom. He had taken great care to make the setting ooze romance. Lying on the bed was a men's dress shirt (one of his favorite things he likes his lady to wear) and one of our favorite implements. A black leather strap that when used lightly can be incredibly erotic. But when used for disciplinary purposes, it leaves quite an impression (both physically and mentally!)

Now I felt even worse. I was about to ruin this wonderful romantic moment and turn it into one of discipline. G told me to take a shower and to put on the shirt. He would be waiting in the living room for me.

As I let the hot water wash over me, I contemplated... Do I spoil the mood and confess my misbehavior, or do I wait until tomorrow? Well... I knew if I waited the punishment would be even more severe.

As we we cuddled and kissed on the couch. I said in a very low voice... "I have a confession to make." G sat up and looked me in the eye. "And what would that be?" I began to explain what had happened on the road. He definitely was not pleased. He decided that we needed to take care of this immediately. After some deliberation, (much to my dismay) G declared the punishment would be 50 strokes with the implement that had earlier been laid out for use. The black leather strap.

He led me to the bedroom where he asked me to get into position. Reluctantly, I proceeded to crawl onto the bed, place two pillows underneath me as I laid down on my tummy. As he raised the shirt to expose my bare bottom, he asked me why we were doing this. Sheepishly I answered "Because I sped and drove recklessly."

"That's right. Are you ready?"

After a few moments, I did answer "yes."

"And count every stroke."

"Yes sir."

The first couple of strokes, G mercifully took it a little easier. But they still stung. When the count reached 10, G paused and proceeded to lecture me on how foolish and selfish it was to take those type of chances. Then he started again, much harder.

"11, 12, 13..."

This was the first time G had me count the strokes. I must say, when the blows are coming that hard and quick, it is very difficult to concentrate on counting numbers, but I did manage... barely. Every 10 strokes G paused and I received another lecture. We finally reached 30. Almost done. I was not sure I could take it anymore and was almost crying at this point (most likely out of guilt than the pain of the spanking).

"31, 32, 33..."

When G reached 40 he did not stop this time and just kept on going. I have not felt this kind of pain during a spanking... ever. When the count of 50 was finally reached, I melted into the bed.

G decided I needed one more, and did not hold back.

WHACK!

I felt the strap being gently laid across my red hot bottom. G told me not to move and think about what just happened. He left the room. After several minutes, G returned and whispered into my ear, "I want you to also think about how new our relationship is and that you almost put and end to it before it had a chance to begin." He left the room again.

That killed me. I have to say, I have never felt this kind of regret for my actions. I did realize how foolish it was and how my actions could have affected not only my life, but the lives of so many others.

After he returned, he declared that it was done and over with and it was time to return to more pleasant matters. The rest of the evening was sublime and romantic. I was filled with gratitude and love.

In conclusion; I am very happy that I have chose this lifestyle and that I have found a man like G to love me, hold my hand and lead me to be a better person.

Welcome home!

2008-06-19T17:58:00.000-07:00

D has been away on a short business trip for three days. She'll be home tonight. A short while ago, she sent me a text to give me her estimated time of arrival.

I responded with one of my own: "What will you want first...a little food, a little spanking, or a hot bath?"

She responded, "You are a freakin' mind reader! The first thing is a huge hug and a kiss from you!"

I think I'll lay out a favorite implement on the bed. It's going to be a great homecoming!

Top and Bottom Haircut

2008-06-13T13:12:00.000-07:00

Just a personal preference, I tend to like longer hair on men. I expressed this to G, so he decided to let his hair grow out a bit. It got to the point that it was driving him nuts, so it was time to visit his favorite barber.

When he sat down in the chair, he expressed how his new girlfriend prefers it long. The barber took note of this and started to trim.

At the end of the haircut as G was inspecting his handy work in the mirror, the barber said;

“You’ll like the top, she’ll like the bottom.”

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Her First Disciplinary Spanking

2008-06-01T10:30:00.000-07:00

Perhaps she'd been lulled into a false sense of security. After all, our relationship isn't very old, but we've already enjoyed many a playful or erotic spanking - and no disciplinary action at all.

We click on every level imaginable. Of course spanking and the idea of a loving discipline relationship drew us together, but it was all the other things, big and small, which "sealed the deal" as far as we're concerned.

But, although we'd talked about it from time to time, there simply had been no reason to take her over my knee for proper discipline until that day. It was a day which started out just like all others, and there was no foreshadowing of what was to come...

I had to run an errand for a friend in the morning, and D decided to tag along. At first I gave that no second thought - I would always choose to have D with me if that's possible. Then I remembered that D had told me she had a lot of work to get done back home, and I saw how she was avoiding her responsibilities. And I further remembered how she'd told me that one of the things she wanted to work on was procrastination.

Still and all, it didn't quite rise to the level of a disciplinary spanking, to my way of thinking that morning. After all, we are still quite new to this relationship, and any time we can spend together is a blessing!

The errand involved having to pay a small fee to visit a museum. We arrived, and D then suddenly "remembered" she'd forgotten her wallet! The money wasn't the issue -- but I was more than a little concerned that she would leave the house without her identification, let alone cash or credit cards. Rather irresponsible!

Later that day, I was out and about, and found myself in front of a grocery store, which reminded me that D had said she would pick up some olive oil when she went to the store herself. I called to see whether she'd completed the task.

She'd forgotten all about it.

She'd also promised to make a duplicate house key. Playing a hunch, I asked her if she'd tried out the new key to see if it worked.

She'd forgotten to get the new key as well.

It was all too obvious at that point. D was procrastinating, forgetting things, and not following through with promises. None of them major offenses, but the pattern was crystal clear. And, there was only one thing to do to get this nipped in the bud. I sent D a text:

I’ll be home in half an hour. I’ll expect you upstairs, in position, bottom bare.

T0 her credit, I found D upstairs, laying on the bed, a pillow beneath her and her bare bottom waiting for whatever was in store.

I said nothing at first, but changed my clothes and prepared to deliver her first disciplinary spanking. I was proud of her for being ready, for not arguing, for clearly understanding that this was not to be something playful or erotic.

I chose to use Bloomie, a wooden spoon we'd purchased at Bloomingdales, for the spanking. It has a sharp sting and really drives home a point. I gave D a brief lecture, detailing the four reasons she was about to be spanked.

I told her these offenses deserved about ten strokes with Bloomie. She seemed to accept her fate until I made it clear that what I meant was ten strokes for EACH offense. Forty in all. She gasped.

I quickly delivered the first ten, and then the next ten. She was handling it fairly well - no wiggling, no protesting, not even much kicking except what was clearly involuntary.

When I got to thirty, D seemed to melt into the mattress. There was something about her body language that told me she was contrite, she had accepted responsibility, she had remorse, and she was committed to really changing her ways next time.

But a deal is a deal, and I had ten more strokes to deliver. They were delivered steadily and firmly, and D almost shook as she took her punishment.

And then, in the blink of an eye, it was over. I pulled her close and stroked her hair and neck. I held her for a long time, letting her know how much I love her, and how proud I was that she'd taken her punishment "like a big girl."

No corner time (this time).

When it was over, it was over. The slate was clean. After holding D for quite some time, I slipped away so she could pull herself together.

The first disciplinary spanking was over at last. And, when I spank to discipline, when the spanking is over, the incident is over as well. The reasons for the spanking are wiped clean. As if to prove this point, when I began to write this post today, a couple of days after the event, I had to ask D -- "Now, what was it I disciplined you for the other day?"

I honestly had forgotten the offenses. I don't hold on -- to do so would be very unfair. She did the "crime," and she did the "time," and we both moved on.

My First Disciplinary Spanking

2008-05-27T23:12:00.000-07:00

The text message read;

I’ll be home in half an hour. I’ll expect you upstairs, in position, bottom bare.

I was to receive my first disciplinary spanking from G.

This was in response to several small things which on their own would have earned a strong lecture at best. But after the 4th offense, I received the text message above.

I must admit, when I first read the message I was very aroused (just the word “spank” gets me going). Then it occurred to me very quickly, that this was not going to be a fun spanking – this one was going to hurt… a lot. I just stared at my phone for a couple of seconds deciding weather or not to respond. I decided not to, this way G would have the final word on the matter as he rightfully should.

I looked at the clock… 5:10pm. My heart started to race and I could no longer concentrate on what I was doing. All I could think about was the spanking that was about to happen.

When knowing that a fun/erotic spanking is in my future, this anticipation phase is simply delicious and sublime. Although the feeling was similar, knowing that this was going to be a disciplinary spanking added a whole new dimension to the scene – I was a little frightened.

It wasn’t the fact I that I didn’t completely trust G (I wouldn’t be in this relationship if I didn’t). I think it was simply the feeling of the unknown. How long would he take before coming upstairs? What would his lecture be like? What implements would he use? How many strokes had I earned? How hard would it be? Would I cry?

All of these questions kept on running through my head as I kept an eye out for him coming up the walkway. I kept on checking the clock… 5:20… 5:21. What??? Only ONE minute has passed??? Finally, I decided to not drive myself insane any longer. I took off my shorts and panties and laid on my tummy with a pillow under my hips. (Just as a side note… G and I never really discussed what “the position” was. We had chatted a little about the subject and read a blog here and there – I just assumed this is what he wanted and hoped that I was correct. Turns out I assumed correctly, thank goodness!)

I finally heard the door open. I was relieved, the wait was finally over and actually relaxed a little… until I heard his footsteps on the stairs. Then my heart began to race. I looked the other way as I heard him enter the bedroom. I heard him toss his keys on the bathroom counter and change clothes not saying a word all along. And then it began…

...the lecture. Going over each item that warranted a reprimand. Then after the lecture, he sat on the side of the bed, looked into my eyes and asked me what would be a fair amount of strokes. My mind started to rationalize… “well… if I say five, maybe he’ll only give me ten… but if I say ten he might give me 15… “ Not waiting for an answer, G stated that I would receive ten. I was actually relieved. “Sigh… Ten – I can do that.” Then without missing a beat he added… “… for each offense. 40 total.” What??!! I didn’t want to argue, being that this is what he has decided, but I know he could see the protest in my eyes. Then he asked, “Ready?” The only word I could say was “No.” His response… “too bad.”

G had his left arm around my waist and his weight of his body against mine – there was no way to wriggle out of this one. He decided to use “Bloomie”(a wooden spatula bought on a trip to Bloomingdales). The first twenty swats were hard, but not unbearable. The set of thirty were harder. I felt myself wanting to struggle and reach back, but told myself that I deserved this and to take it. I almost cried when G started in on the final ten. Then it was over.

I laid there for a moment feeling the sting and heat coming from my bottom. G laid back on the bed and motioned for me to come over to him. As he held me in his arms, stroked my hair and told me how good I did, I have never felt more connected and in love with anyone as I did at that moment.

I’m not looking forward to my next discipline spanking (if there is one *grin*), but I will be grateful knowing that G will have the love and caring to recognize when it is necessary.

Five Road Side Rests, One Wonderful Day!

2008-05-24T10:58:00.000-07:00

D and I recently took a long road trip and discovered the joys of road side rests. In fact, we realized by day's end that we'd set what will likely be a Personal Record which might stand for a long, long time!

You see, I spanked D in five different road side rest stops, all in the same day. The first was just a quick three smacker behind a storage shed (and ending JUST before a trucker walked by with his dog). The second was a great spot where we found a trail that wandered off into the woods.

Next, we found a third location a few more miles down the road with a GREAT path that led into a clearing in some woods. (See the photo above.) I took D over just one knee as I knelt my other knee on the ground.

The best spot may have been Road Side Rest #4, where I was able to take D down to the edge of a small river, and spank her bared bottom while sitting on some large rocks. The cool air was wonderful, and the river served well as a sound deafener!

Finally, we paused for one more "rest" at the fifth stop, where there were far too many people! We did find a picnic bench as far away from everyone as we could and enjoyed a quick classic OTK on the bare. There's not much "give" in a concrete picnic table bench, I'll say that for sure! Even MY butt was sore!

D and I both LOVE Road Side Rest spankings, and highly recommend them to one and all!

The Fun Of Role Play

2008-05-18T23:31:00.000-07:00

We’ve all seen them… the cheerleader and the coach, the naughty school girl and the professor, doctor and the patient, the prostitute and the client… The majority of interested parties watch these type of scenarios play out on some secret DVD hidden in a drawer somewhere. Fantasizing that’s you as the school girl and your mate as the professor who needs to teach you some respect!

Why fantasize? When you can actually play these scenes out for yourselves!

Role play can bring a whole other exciting dimension to a relationship. It allows everyone involved to let go… and be in the moment. Some find it hard to do. Total trust is a MUST. Knowing that you can enter this space without any fear or judgment (for example… the fear of being laughed at).

In the moment… that is the key. You must be able to lose yourself in the moment.

In a future post, G and I will share our first “real time” role play that took place at our second meeting. We will write it together sharing both points of view – top and bottom.

The following is our first exploration into what we thought our spanko relationship might be like, and it happened to involve a role play type situation. This took place during an IM chat just 10 days after our first initial correspondence, and totally came out of the blue. After discussing it afterwards, we both were completely taken by surprise and were delighted by it.

This is when we knew… that we would get along just fine. Enjoy!

(We encourage you to post comments. G and I would love to hear about any role play that you might have done… or might like to do!

Please note: this is a word for word transcript – absolutely no edits have taken place)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

D: you'll come home from a meeting

D: just candles lighting up the place

D: table set

D: "D had to go somewhere"...

D: I'm her friend... she wanted me to make sure you were... "entertained"

G: *deep sigh*

G: could be my birthday present!

D: so you would like something like that??

G: that would be fun

G: you could even adopt some other personality for the night

D: sure...

G: i have no idea what, but...

G: i could even say at some point, "Has D ever shared with you what we really like to do after dinner?"

D: no... she didn't mention anything to me

G: I bring out a leather paddle... hold it out for you to see

D: oh my!

G: ever been over a knee?

D: is that what I think it is?

D: no never... and I don't think I want to!

G: she likes me to warm her up from time to time...

G: well, if you're going to be in THIS house, you have to play by OUR rules...

D: well... I don't think so....

G: give me your hand, darlin

D: but she is my best friend....

G: dinner was sweet and all, but you DID cook the steak too much...

D: it was perfect! what are YOU talking about!

G: it was burnt leather.

G: and, when D makes such a bonehead mistake, we take care of it after dinner...

G: Just as I'm going to do now, with you.

D: bonehead!!!!!????

G: Give me your hand.

D: why should I?

G: GIVE me your hand!!

D: *eyes wide open*

G: *takes hand and begins leading you into the bedroom*

D: just what do you think you are doing??

G: Next time you're cooking a steak for a man and he asks for medium rare, you'll make SURE it's medium rare.

G: I'm going to make sure you never ever forget that.

D: you are not going to do this!!!

G: I am indeed. You're going over my knee, and I'm going to paddle your behind.

D: no you most indeed are NOT!

G: *yanking you into position*

G: Your protests will fall on deaf ears, my friend...

D: *kicking and yelling ensues*

G: I would suggest you calm yourself

D: you ass!

G: it will be easier on you

G: Ass???? Did you just call me an ASS???

G: *WHACK!*

D: OUCH!!!!

G: Whack! WHACK!

D: *reaching back and kicking*

D: how DARE YOU!!!!

G: Okay, make it harder on yourself if you like *pinning arm*

D: aaarrrgghhhh!!!!

G: That skirt is going to come up...

D: OOHHHH - NO IT IS NOT!!!!

G: Oh. Yes. It. Is.

G: *tugging at the hem*

D: kicking

G: *exposing your panties*

D: AArRRGGGHHH!!!!!

G: Kick all you want, m'dear... doesn't change the fact that your pantied bottom is about to feel the sting

D: HOW DARE YOU!!!!

G: WHACK!

D: you ass!!! OUCH!

G: Keep that up, and the panties come DOWN.

G: WHACK!!

D: ARRRGHHHH - NO!!!!

G: Mmmm...starting to see some color....

D: STOP!! ! PLEASE!!!

D: PLEASE!!!

G: Now tell me, why am I doing this??

G: WHACK!

D: OUCH!

G: Tell me!

D: ARRGHH

G: WHAAAACK!

D: OW!!! OK... ok....

D: just stop please

G: WHHACK! ! !

D: I BURNT THE STEAK!!! OK??

G: Oh, such impertinence!

D: is THAT what you a wanted to hear??

G: Obviously, you haven't learned a thing...

G: Guess the panties must come down as well...

D: LEARNED??? You are an arrogant ass

G: You're going to be spanked, young lady, until you change that attitude...

G: Do I make myself clear?

D: attitude... ATTITUDE???

D: YOU"RE the one with a "ATTITUDE"!!!

G: *jerking the panties down just below the cheeks*

G: Keep it up, missy

G: *raising paddle*

D: hey!!! you can't do that!

D: no!!!!

G: I think ten is in order here...

D: *looking back*

D: no!

G: WHACK!!

D: OOOUCCH!!!

G: SMMMMACKKK!

D: AAARRRGH!!

G: WHACK...WHACK!!

D: STOP!!!

D: PLEASE!!!

G: I'm sorry, missy, it doesn't work that way...

G: SMACCK!

D: I'm Sorry!!!

G: I need to see some contrition!

G: SMMMACK!

D: I'm Sorry!!! OK?

G: *running fingernails over your bottom...*

G: You're not credible... SMMMMACK!

D: OUCH!

D: What do I have to DO????

D: *kicking*

G: You could *SMACK* change your tone *SMACK!* for one thing

D: ok.... is this better?

G: better, yes... SMACK!

D: please!

G: what have you learned?

G: SMMMMMMACKKK!

D: not to piss you off!

G: No, i'm sorry, but that's not quite it....

G: WHHACK!

D: ouch!

D: ummm....

G: yes? *paddle raised*

D: that I should cook the steak the way you asked

G: and why should you do that?

D: ggggrrrrr

G: *paddle still raised*

D: because it's the right thing to do (with a growl)

G: SMMMACKKK!

D: ouch!!!!

G: you almost had it...

D: isn't that what you wanted to hear???

G: only if and when YOU believe it

D: I do!

G: uh huh

D: really I do!

G: why should it matter how you cook my steak?

D: because I need to make sure you're taken care of???

G: SMMMACK! try harder....

D: ouch!

D: because you said so

D: and it's the right way

G: listen carefully...

G: yes. NOW you get it.

G: you should do it right because YOU care enough to want to please me

D: yes sir

G: Do you think *SMACK!* you can remember that?

D: ouch!

D: yes

G: *long pause*

G: Okay, then we've had a meeting of the minds.

G: Pull your panties up.

D: yeah... your mind meeting my behind!

D: ok

G: touche, i'll give you that one...

G: Now, are you going to tell D about this, or shall I?

D: tell D??? I could never tell her this!

G: She'll be here soon. Perhaps you could just show her your red bottom...

D: *looking down*

D: i think I need to go....

G: Oh no... not just yet

D: what?

G: I think I heard her car

D: shit!

G: I think it might be best if you just went over to that corner there and did a little corner time.

D: corner time?????

G: Yeah... now scoot!

G: and bring those panties back down too

D: gggrrrrr

D: *mumbles under breath*

G: Scoot! *SMACK!*

D: ouch! OK!

G: Now... let's get that skirt tucked up above your waist

G: and you STAY in position... no rubbing!

D: *looks back*

G: hands folded behind your back...

G: and LOOK AT THE WALL!

D: fine

G: *noise of key in the door lock*

G: There she is...

G: You stay there. I'll let her know you're here.

G: Give you some girl talk time...

D: great....

The Picnic

2008-05-14T10:13:00.000-07:00

They both had worked hard, these past few weeks, so today's picnic up in the mountains was to be a special treat -- a time for relaxation, for laughter, for fun in the sun.

Which is why he was so confused by her attitude that morning -- a bit grumpy, somewhat forgetful, often impatient. When he asked her about it, she denied it all, and told him he was "projecting." Damn, he hated when she tried to use psychology on him!

He put it out of his mind as they finished the preparations. Perhaps she'd feel better when they got to the trail and out into nature. He carefully put the last of the food and cutlery into the backpacks as she finished dressing. She emerged from the bedroom in her new hiking shorts, a white jersey pullover top, and well-worn hiking boots with baggy wool socks. He smiled at the sight of her, always so compelling and fresh. He hoped her mood would lift soon.

They drove the nearly thirty miles in uncomfortable silence, however. She found fault in his driving, as usual. She would point out cars for him to watch out for, remind him not to exceed the speed limit, and chastise him for not buying fuel sooner. Damn! She could be so moody! Fortunately, the CD player worked perfectly, and for most of the trip, they rode in silence and listened to tunes.

He tried, gently and tactfully, to change her mood, but his efforts fell flat. He then suggested that perhaps they should turn around and go home, because obviously this picnic wasn't working out well today. She responded with a flash of anger and insisted that they press on. They had planned a picnic for weeks now, and by God, they were going to have a picnic!

With an audible sigh, he drove on, thinking to himself that she needed an attitude adjustment, sooner rather than later. Fortunately, he had remembered to pack a small leather paddle in his backpack. If her behavior didn't improve rather dramatically, and rather soon, she was going to have HER picnic laying over his lap...

At long last, they arrived at the parking area and climbed out of the car. Wordlessly, they each donned their backpacks and set out on the trail. It wasn't five minutes before she was nagging him about whether he had locked the car, remembered to bring insect repellent, and had matches for the fire. Geesh! This was going to have to come to a stop immediately!

Within a few moments, they came to a small clearing beside a running brook. They had seen no one on the trail to this point, and being late in the season, he suspected that they would be alone most of the day (but then, there were NO guarantees of that!). He knew that the time to adjust her attitude was at hand.

He spotted a log, and suggested they pause their for a rest. Slipping off his backpack, he patted the space next to him for her to share. She took her sweet time, complaining about this and that, before finally plopping herself beside him.

"You know, you've been in a lousy mood all day, and frankly, it's spoiling my picnic!" he said to her.

"So? So now I'm responsible for your mood, as well? Figures... you've made me responsible for everything else this week..." she whined.

"You know, I'm a little sick and tired of taking your attitude, young lady!" His voice was firm -- the way it always was when he had spanking in mind. She couldn't help but notice it.

But she threw caution to the wind, and sassed him some more. There was no WAY he'd spank her out here, was there? He'd never spanked her in a public place before; she was safe. And by the time they'd returned home, she'd have him forgetting the whole incident....

Which is why she was totally unprepared for what happened next. He took her hand, and with one swift motion pulled her over his knee, so that her bottom was high in the air. His grip on her was like a vice -- no matter how much she wriggled and struggled, she remained glued to his lap.

"Honey!" she cried out. "You CAN'T do this here! What if someone comes along?"

"Then they will witness you getting spanked in the forest. When it is time to adjust your attitude, it must be done immediately -- you know that!"

"But honey, PLEASE!"

"Too late for that," he replied, firmly. "You've been a whining, complaining, nagging companion all day, and there's NO excuse for it. You're going to be spanked right here, and right now!"

"NOOOOoooooooo!" she responded. "You can't do this to me!" And she struggled even harder. She was very aware of what was about to happen, and yet startled when the first loud SMACK landed on her new hiking shorts.

"Ouuuuuch! You bastard!" she cried out.

With THAT, he spanked harder on her shorts. Fortunately, the thick material provided her a modest amount of protection, but she knew, with a sinking feeling, that it wouldn't do so for long.

She begged him over and over to stop, and she looked around as best she could to see whether other hikers. She would be SO embarrassed if someone happened along!

Then, thankfully, he stopped. She sighed and relaxed and struggled to regain her composure. He was through. He had gotten it out of his system. Thank God!

She heard him rummaging through his backpack. Probably wants some water, she thought. At least he's going to let me up and we can continue this charade of a picnic!

But... he DIDN'T let her up. He reached around her waist, and unsnapped her hiking shorts. Before she could even grasp what was happening, he'd pulled them down below her bottom, exposing her panties. Oh my God!!!

She squirmed on his lap and looked around as best she could and was STARTLED to see him wielding that wicked little leather paddle! "Noooooo! You're NOT going to use that on me! Pleeeeeeeease!"

Her pleas fell on deaf ears, as usual. His hand was already high in the air, clutching the paddle. She barely had time to clench her bottom when the first landed on her right cheek. "Owwwwwwwww!" she cried out!

Later, she was at least thankful that the paddling was swift. After he pulled down her panties, (to her utter embarrassment) he worked quickly. Probably no more than twenty strokes, although there was no way she could have kept count. Well aimed strokes landed on each cheek, over both cheeks, and even on her upper thighs!

But she was completely embarrassed and humbled by her first spanking outdoors. And she promised him, over and over, that her behavior would NEVER be repeated. Never!

And he accepted her promise, knowing it wouldn't be long before she forgot, and needed yet another lesson in proper behavior.

He hugged her for a long time, gently squeezing her bottom too, before allowing her to pull up her panties and shorts. He even shouldered her backpack as well, for a while, given that she was suffering from a very warm bottom.

And later, when they had found the perfect spot for the picnic, sweet and isolated and summer fragrant, he showed her how much he loved her, and she did the same. It was a picnic they would often remember, as the years rolled by.

My Blog Cherry

2008-05-11T10:25:00.000-07:00

It finally happened… G popped my blog cherry last night. I was officially added as a contributor – making Loving Discipline “our” blog!

Allow me to introduce myself. I’m D, the new woman in G’s life.

I've always been a "spanko" and known that I liked it, but was always embarrassed to say anything or admit it. Growing up, I would sneak a peak at OTK photos or movies, secretly wishing that it was me being spanked.

In the past couple of years, I discovered the “spanko” blogs and stories available online. Finding out that there is a whole community of spankos out there… just like me!

One in particular “Taken In Hand” struck me. As I read through several of the articles and realized that this was the foundation of the type of relationship I have always wanted. One of the biggest factors that attracts me to a relationship such as this is that it allows both parties to bring to the table their true inner selves. It is the very definition of masculinity (dominance without being a bully) and femininity (submissiveness not weakness) without any fear or judgment from either party involved.

My dilemma… I desired the “Taken In Hand” domestic discipline aspect while at the same time, keeping the erotic / fun side of spanking in a relationship as well. It seems that a lot of the relationships out there are one side or the other, but either have difficulty or do not choose to include both as part of their partnership.

I resigned myself the fact that it was almost going to be impossible find someone who wanted these same exact things. And not only these things, but that I also “clicked” with on a intellectual and emotional level.

Impossible right? Au contraire!

One of my favorite blogs is “My Bottom Smarts.” This is how I found G. Every once in a while, Bonnie lists a few “new kids on the block” and encourages readers to take a look at these new blogs. Loving Discipline was one of them.

I clicked on the link. Little did I know my life was to soon change… dramatically.

After I started to read, I was fascinated by how G described who he was looking for, what kind of relationship he desired and how close it matched mine. It seemed genuine. He wasn't looking just for someone to spank, he was looking for a true partner. Then the kicker… I read his post “The Proper Spanking.” That was it! He described it perfectly! I never thought I would email a complete stranger, especially on this subject… but my heart, gut and mind all said – email him NOW!

The rest, as they say, is history. In one week we begin our new lives together.

We look forward to keeping this blog up-to-date with our adventures. This will be a unique perspective into a LDD relationship by offering both points of view.

Thoughts become things... choose good ones!

The Broken Agreement

2008-05-09T20:21:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, D asked me to write her a story. Well, I don't know how good I am at weaving one together, but I gave it the good old college try. Now she's suggested I post it on the blog, and after some thought, I decided to do it, to see what others think. I'd love to hear your reactions, whatever they are, to this tale:

~~~~~~~~~

Caroline had met James at a party a few months ago. It was one of those magical moments where everything just clicked, and they found themselves off to the side, deeply engaged in their own conversation, paying no attention to the other guests at the party.

Soon, they were dating, and before she even realized it, they were dating each other exclusively. It was grand to be in a new relationship, fully exploring one another, having adventures together and, frankly, falling in love. Life was wonderful!

Their lovemaking was very special, and unlike anything Caroline could remember from previous relationships. Far from becoming routine, they were passionate, creative, and at their best when they gave of themselves to one another, with an eye toward giving their partner whatever he or she desired as best they could.

As she thought back to the stages of their intimacy, she remembered how surprised and delighted she’d been when he would occasionally give her a quick smack with his hand on her bottom during their extended foreplay. It was not something she’d given much thought to before James, and it would never have really occurred to her to ask (or hope) that he do it.

But when he did, her arousal was immediate and took a bit of her breath away. Soon, it happened a bit more often, and she even found herself occasionally wiggling herself onto his lap as they began making love, offering her bottom to his firm hand.

It would only take a few smacks before they dissolved into other forms of lovemaking. It was never a centerpiece – always a bit of spice that took their passion to another level, and she realized she’d come to really enjoy it. Who would have thought? She laughed when she considered it.

As their relationship deepened, they would occasionally have long talks about things like their philosophy of relationships, their feelings towards one another, what it meant to be committed to another person, and so on. She treasured these times, because it meant they really were serious about one another, and she basked in the knowledge that James really cared about her; that he was serious.

He told her some of his beliefs about how relationships endure, and what his role and responsibility was when he made a commitment to a woman. She loved watching him as he revealed what was important to him, talking slowly as he carefully considered what words would convey exactly what he meant.

She could remember one theme in particular that seemed to be crucial to him. He told her that he felt almost an obligation, although that wasn’t just the right word, to have her best interests at heart at all times. It was his responsibility, he said, to help her and to guide her if he became aware of potential blind spots or unconscious habits she might have that didn’t really serve her higher self.

He told her that it was his responsibility to sort out the fine line between giving her freedom to be herself, or, as he put it, to “cut her some slack,” when she went a little too far letting off steam by cursing, or perhaps being a little inappropriate in a social setting by failing to consider another person’s feelings about a comment she might make.

If he was to be in a committed relationship with her, he wanted her to “be all she could be,” and not let herself (and others) down. And, if need be, he felt it was his job to step in and intervene in this situations.

But that was really about all he’d said, and while she agreed with his philosophy (and felt comforted that he would love her enough to help her deal with these things), thus far he hadn’t really brought it up again.

Well, that wasn’t quite true. He’d given her a quick, somewhat sharper than usual, smack on her bottom a couple of times when she’d done something rude or insensitive, and she got the point immediately, and that was that. So, as she reflected back on their conversation about his philosophy of relationships, she decided that this is what he meant about “intervening” to help her out.

One evening, she was sorting out a particularly challenging day – one of those days when nothing seemed to go right. She dropped a cup and broke it first thing in the morning. She’d gotten a call from a business associate that hadn’t gone well, and she’d said some things she already regretted. Honestly, she was a little distant from James all day, which she explained to him was “nothing personal, just a bad mood I’m in,” which didn’t seem to sit well with him. Hey, days like this happen. Get over it! I am…. she thought.

He’d been sitting in his favorite chair, absorbed in a book he was thoroughly enjoying, when she heard him ask if she’d be willing to bring him a glass of iced tea.

“Get it yourself!” she snapped at him. Instantly she felt terrible, and she mumbled an apology and brought him the tea.

He took the tea, and set it on the side table. Then he arose, and took her hand, and said to her, “Caroline, we need to take care of some things. Come with me.” He led her into the bedroom.

She followed him, but not without a bit of reluctance. She had had a rough day, and to be honest, she didn’t want to talk about it. She just wanted it to end.

When they reached the bedroom, he took a seat on the bed, and had her standing in front of him. He let go of her hand.

“Caroline,” he said. “I’m feeling like I’ve let you down.” Let ME down, she thought. I’ve been moody all day and you think you’ve let ME down? Maybe this wouldn’t be so difficult after all.

“What do you mean?” she asked. She was tempted, but didn’t want to add, “I’m the one who’s let YOU down.” No point in going there if she didn’t have to!

“Yes, I’ve let you down. I’ve told you that it is my responsibility to help you be your best – and to intervene if I see you sabotaging yourself. And that’s what you’ve been doing lately – and I’ve done nothing about it. I’ve broken my agreement with you.” His tone was straightforward, and firm. She also noticed he was having no trouble coming up with the right words.

“It’s okay, honey,” she said. “You’ve had a lot on your mind lately, and as I’ve told you, I’ve been just a bit moody today. You haven’t let me down at all. You have nothing to feel badly about.”

“Yes, I have. It’s true I have a lot on my mind, but nothing is more important than what we have together. Nothing. And I’ve neglected your recent behavior, as it were. I’ve given you too much slack. I suppose I had hoped you’d see what you were doing and change it on your own, but now I realize you don’t fully understand it yourself. It’s time to make it clear to you what happens when you sabotage yourself and others by using a “bad mood” to rationalize poor choices.”

“What are you going to do?” Caroline managed to ask. She really didn’t want to have a long conversation about making choices. She really wasn’t in the mood for that!

“I’m going to give you discipline, Caroline. Tonight, I’m going to take you over my knee and spank some sense into you!”

“What??? You’re going to do what?” Caroline’s mind was racing. “You’re not really serious, are you? Take me over your knee like I was a little girl and spank me? No way.”

“Caroline, you must learn that there will be consequences for poor behavior. I see now that being subtle, or giving you too much space just doesn’t work. From this point forward, I am going to take you over my knee and spank you whenever I feel it’s the only way to help you learn, to help you grow into the person you are meant to be.

“Now pull down those pants and get into position!”

She couldn’t. He wouldn’t dare! This couldn’t be happening! Spanking was supposed to be a fun thing – an erotic thing – not a punishment!

She looked into his eyes as best she could, with her facing hanging down a bit. He was serious. He was going to take her over his knee and spank her. There was no further doubt…

As much as she fought herself, she knew it was inevitable. She even knew, on some secret level of her mind that she dared not acknowledge, even to herself, that he was right. She deserved this. She’d earned it. And perhaps, she thought, if he spanks me properly, I can shake myself from this mindset I’ve been trapped in.

Of course, another part of her mind was screaming in her head: He’s really going to SPANK ME!! And not as prelude to love-making, but seriously spank me? Oh, my God!

On the other hand, she knew his spanking. She knew his style. She remembered that it was actually a source of pleasure. Perhaps this wouldn’t be so bad after all!

She found herself slowly unbuttoning her pants and sliding them down her thighs to about her knees. She could already feel her juices begin to flow as she imagined his strong hand on her bare bottom. Her resistance began to melt as she contemplated her spanking – but her thoughts remained on the possibility of eroticism, and certainly NOT on discipline. She could not let herself even contemplate what that might be like.

Once in position, she waited for him to begin. But he didn’t start right away – no, he began talking about all the little things she’d been doing lately that were inappropriate or counter-productive, or simply rude and insensitive. He wasn’t exactly lecturing, but his tone and pace were firm and steady. She began to sink into his lap as the list of transgressions went on.

And then, without warning, he smacked her bare bottom – HARD! No warm up, no warning, no little rubbing first. No, just a sharp spank that sent bolts of electricity through her body.

And then another, and another! Hard, completely unpredictable spanks that quickly had her gasping, writhing, and reaching back to protect her bottom.

“It’s too hard, honey!” she cried out. “I’m sorry! I won’t do any of those awful things again! Stop and let’s talk!!!”

He didn’t even appear to have heard her. The spanking continued, blow after blow, and her bottom was soon becoming crimson. He talked throughout, but not excessively. He would bring up a transgression, and then land smack after smack. It was sooo much harder than anything he’d done before.

Finally, at long last, he paused. She let out an audible sigh. It’s over at last, she thought.
But then, he seemed to reach over to grab something that had been hidden under a pillow. She looked back in astonishment as he produced a wooden paddle.

“What is THAT?” she yelled out. “You’re not going to use that, are you? Please – please don’t spank me with that!”

“Caroline,” he explained with what she would only later realize was in a very patient manner, “when I spank you as foreplay, I’ll use my hand. But when you’ve earned a disciplinary spanking, there will be implements. They are able to bring you to a more thorough understanding of the lesson than my hand can. Now lay still.”

To her still unbelieving mind, she watched in dread as he raised the paddle. “This is our first disciplinary spanking, so you’re going to get ten strokes with the paddle, both for your behavior, and so that you can learn how it actually feels to be paddled. Perhaps you will take that knowledge forward and remember those feelings the next time you have an impulse to be rude and inconsiderate!”

The next several minutes seemed to last forever. Over and over, ten times in all, he raised the paddle and delivered a sharp, stinging blow on her already sore bottom. Ten times she squirmed, kicked, and slipped out of position. It never got easier. It hurt. But it worked – it drove the lessons home. She thought she’d been sorry and full of remorse after he’d used his hand (with NO warm up, even!), but this was different. Whereas she’d actually been sorry to find herself in this embarrassing and vulnerable position, when he paddled her, she reached a new level of understanding and insight.

No longer was she sorry she was being spanked. At long last, she was actually sorry for her behavior. She truly was remorseful and already committing herself to doing better. She wasn’t trying to stop him with empty promises, she was sincere. She really did understand.

And, when James could sense this, it was over. The ten blows with the paddle had taken her learning to a new level, and she now understood both the value of, and the sensations produced, in a disciplinary spanking.

Her bottom was on fire! Her heart was open and filled with love for this man who cared enough to put her higher self first – even when she didn’t. It hurt more than she could have imagined beforehand, but she would have to struggle to find the words that described how appropriately it hurt.

She’d “done the crime,” and now she’d “done the time.”

Afterwards, James rubbed her bottom with a tenderness she didn’t think possible. Then he pulled her up onto his lap so that he could hold her, and she could make her final surrender to her feelings. His strong arms around her, she melted in his loving embrace.

At long last, James spoke. “That, my dear, precious, sweet Caroline, is a disciplinary spanking. Perhaps there will be little need for them as we go forward. That remains to be seen. But I can promise you this – I will never break my agreement with you – to help you and guide you towards your best self – your higher self. I won’t let you slip too far when you fall off the path we both know you want to take. I will spank you if that’s what it takes to enable you to be the person you want to be, and the person I’ve fallen in love with.”

And a little while later, they made love. It was slow and loving and caring and intimate, and they would remember that evening for a long time to come.

Long afterwards, she would still marvel at how being taken in hand and put over his knee for a disciplinary spanking had been exactly what she needed – what they both needed – to take their relationship to another level. Who would have thought???

Safe Word - for the relationship?

2008-05-06T15:45:00.000-07:00

As D and I start our new relationship, we've decided to try a twist on the safe word concept. We've both read lots of blogs and realize that relationships have their ups and downs, and sometimes it's hard (particularly in this kind of relationship!) to have clear communication about how things are going.

So we're going to experiment with a Safe Word for the relationship. Just as many people have one for spanking (and we do), this word is code for STOP: We need to talk. It's not to be used lightly, and we believe that we'll normally be talking and processing quite naturally. But, if one or the other of us feels things have just gotten too far off track, we will use our relationship safe word to bring everything to a brief time-out, so we can share what's going on, what's working, and what's not.

Neither of us feel this will be "topping from the bottom" by any means. Like anyone else, we're both susceptible to the inevitable dynamics of relationships, meaning there could be times when one of us feels the other is taking things for granted, or not sharing concerns for fear of rocking the boat, and so on.

Our relationship Safe Word means we've pre-committed to dealing with the issue before it happens. It's only for the most serious issues, and again, we both hope it never has to be used. But it's there in case one or the other of us feels that we need to talk! and can't think of another way to make it happen.

Now, we have to come up with a word. Any suggestions?

The magic of blogging!

2008-05-04T08:19:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, you just have to trust the Universe to provide!

I started this blog about six weeks ago in the hopes of finding my ideal match. With the power and anonymity of the blog, I wondered whether or not I could find that one elusive person out there who wanted what I wanted - a committed relationship that included loving discipline.

Frankly, I had my doubts. Finding someone compatible is hard enough without adding the dimension of spanking and discipline. But I decided to give it a shot anyway.

I published the blog and then "let it go." I did nothing to publicize it or promote it. I thought that perhaps the right someone would find me by through Google, sooner or later.

Then Bonnie, of My Bottom Smarts surprised me by linking my blog to her blog when she introduced several new spanking blogs. I didn't even realize she'd done it until a day or so later, when I got an email from D - the new love of my life - who found my blog through Bonnie's.

She emailed, we clicked, and voila! We found each other!

Never underestimate the power of the blog - or perhaps more important, trust the Universe. When you get clear about what you want, put it out there, and let go, wonderful surprises are going to happen.

What I sought...

2008-03-25T14:22:00.000-07:00

I've edited this post to put it into the past tense. Originally, it was called "What I Seek" but -- I've found her. I decided to keep the post for the record, but put it into the past tense.

I sought a woman who wants to be part of a committed so-called "domestic discipline" relationship. I was NOT seeking a woman who just wants to get spanked.

That said, I was willing to start slow and see how things go before we both decide to make a fundamental commitment. In this sense, a loving disciplinary relationship is no different from any other serious commitment. As it turned out, however, starting slow was not an option! When D read my blog and emailed me, we began a whirlwind process of emailing, talking on the phone, and eventually meeting. In less than a couple of weeks, we knew we had both found what we were seeking!

So, I sought seeking a woman who was seeking the same as me - a committed, loving discipline relationship. Here's what mattered most to me in terms of a good match:

Someone who understands and wants on-going, caring, firm discipline to help her reach her goals and to confront her mistakes
Someone who loves being herself and knows she can be even better
Someone who tries to take good care of herself (but who may need a "reminder" every once in a while :-)
Someone who is sweet, kind, and gentle (when she's not moody and bratty)
Someone who wants a relationship based on love and trust, where both people want only the best for one another
Someone who enjoys the little things, like cuddling, holding hands in public, long kissing sessions, staying home to watch videos and going out to see a play or walk on the beach
Someone who is literate, and able to carry on a meaningful conversation
Someone who is (probably) a professional on some level, and who values the need for discretion
Someone who is truly ready for this kind of experience

Now, that's a long list, but I really didn't think it's too high a bar. Her age wasn't terribly important to me (she turned out to be 12 years younger than me), but there were a few deal breakers that I felt compelled to mention. I didn't want someone who:

Smokes or drinks to excess, or who is into drugs (Check)
Isn't single and available to make a commitment (Check)
Has so much baggage that it drags everything down (Check)
Would seriously consider voting for a Republican :-) (She supports Obama)
Has issues with sex (Check!)
Is seriously overweight (Check)
Lives too far away. That said, I am okay within a 50 mile radius of my home. (Check! When we first met, she lived 1,500 miles from my home but already had plans to move to my home city. Now, we've found a house to live in - together!)

I was not looking for the perfect person -- just someone perfect for me. You don't have to be a beauty queen, a Barbie doll, a super-model, or any of that. Just be real. (Turns out, she's beautiful!)

I knew she was out there, and I knew we were going to meet. I asked that if she felt we might be well-matched, drop me an email. She did, and we corresponded for a bit, talked on the phone, and met in public the first time. (Does meeting in the airport in Las Vegas count as meeting in public?)

My spanking history

2008-03-24T20:19:00.001-07:00

Like so many others, I came to the dual conclusion that I had a "spanking gene" and that I wasn't too far outside the mainstream later in life. My liberation came from the early days of AOL, when I stumbled on spanking chat rooms and discovered how many people were similarly affected.

All my life I had thought about spanking (from both perspectives) but it wasn't until I began chatting with people on AOL that I decided to have a go at it in real life. Since that time, I've enjoyed spanking relationships with several wonderful women. I've had the great honor of bringing at least three into the fold who had never been spanked before. (All have gone on to continue their exploration.)

I've spanked women from many walks of life: a kindergarden teacher, a divorce attorney, an administrative assistant with the United Nations, a woman who came all the way from England to meet me and spend four glorious days over my knee, a liberal arts professor, a student (from the same university!), a department manager at Target, a nurse, an accountant, and several others.

While I've had a wonderful time with each and every one, and learned something from each relationship, the full-time loving discipline relationship has eluded me thus far. That said, I think of them all from time to time, with fond memories of close encounters of the OTK kind.

Love: What does spanking have to do with it?

2008-03-24T18:06:00.000-07:00

An excellent question!

To love someone is to believe in them, to cherish them, to care deeply that they reach their full potential. When I'm in a loving disciplinary relationship, I care enough not to let her maintain bad habits or do things that prevent her from being the best person she can be. Like any good coach, I intervene when she's engaged in any behavior that's self-destructive, impertinent, or just down-right naughty.

I can't stand by and watch her behave in any way that's inconsistent with the kind of person I know she really is. I can't love her and ignore her lapses in judgment, carelessness, or broken commitments.

I care enough to offer correction in a timely manner, and in a way that will facilitate her own learning. Often, that correction takes the form of a firm spanking over my knee. I've found that this method quickly re-focuses her attention on what's she done and what she needs to do differently.

There are many ways to make a correction, of course. But spanking seems to be the best for most situations. And I've found that women who are able to trust their partner to put their interests first, and provide fair and firm discipline when needed, prefer the certainty and closure that comes from being spanked when they deserve it.

Frankly, I can't imagine loving someone and not being willing to take her over my knee when it's deserved. That would be an abdication of my responsibility, which I take seriously. Maybe this is why I don't particularly enjoy the casual spanking-based relationships that I've entered in the past. They lack the context of caring, loving concern.

The Proper Spanking

2008-03-24T15:19:00.000-07:00

There are as many perspectives on what constitutes a "proper spanking" as there are people who engage in the activity. We each have our individual tastes, styles, and methods. I can only tell you what mine are like.

To me, a proper spanking has six stages, each of which are critical to the success of the entire event. They are:

Anticipation
Resistance
The Moment of Surrender
The Warm Up
The Actual Spanking
The Conclusion

Anticipation

Most spankings are enhanced when there's a period of anticipation, be it a few minute or a full day or more. The anticipation sets the stage for a good spanking.

During anticipation, the spankee has time to contemplate what's going to happen, to wonder how she will take it, to think about how it will feel, to be curious and anxious about the methods, duration, position, and severity of the upcoming spanking.

Anticipation can occur when we are together, or when we are apart. You might know, for instance, that you are going to be spanked on an upcoming Friday, and spend the intervening time playing out the scene over and over in your mind.

Resistance

To me, most proper spankings include a period of active resistance by the spankee, who may plead, bargain, avoid, taunt, verbally joust, or otherwise attempt to delay the inevitable. As a spanker, I enjoy overcoming and managing resistance and feel the time is well spent - it fuels my fire, so to speak. A resistant spankee is much more compelling than someone who simply accepts her fate and meekly complies.

The moment of surrender

There comes a moment when all hope of evading punishment is lost, when it is clear that you will have to submit, that the time for talking, bargaining, pleading innocence, making empty promises, and offering insincere apologies is over. This is a sweet moment - altogether fleeting and brief, but critical. It is the final moment before the spanking begins.

The Warm Up

Skipped or ignored by many spankers, this is the time to properly prepare your bottom for what is to follow. It begins with a series of light-to-medium hand spanks, delivered over the skirts or pants, followed by a raising of the skirt or lowering of the pants to reveal your panties for the first time. There will be slightly pink skin exposed for the first time. The warm up stings, yes, but it is quite bearable.

The Actual Spanking

Volumes have been written about this phase. There are choices to be made about positions, implemenets, severity, duration, and even what behavior is acceptable on the part of the spankee (can you rub your tush? kick your feet? etc.).

I prefer you over my knee most of all, or perhaps bent over a sofa or ottoman, or lying on your tummy on a bed or sofa.

I prefer using my hand most of all. Implements I like are the paddle, the strap, the hairbrush, and the belt. Of course not all spankings involve all implements! Decisions about which to use are made in the moment, depending on the offense and how the spanking is going.

What about severity and duration? How hard do I spank, and for how long?

I am a caring but firm partner who works hard to determine what is needed. I do not abuse my spankee, but I do try to take them to their self-perceived limit -- and perhaps just a little beyond.

I have given hard spankings which lasted throughout an evening, with occasional breaks for reprise or refreshment. These may not be typical, but they do happen. Some spankers are sprinters, some are marathoners. I guess I'm more of the latter.

That said, when it is over, it's over. I don't spank past that point. How do I know when it's time to quit? Experience. I just do.

By the way, you should have a "safe word" that means STOP NOW! I have never refused a request for a safe word, and I have never had one used. I do know what I'm doing!

In terms of your behavior during a spanking, let me say this: I like an active spankee and I deal with what comes up, like kicking, squirming, reaching back, sassing, whining, complaining, and so on. I like to see response to the spanks. You should know that whining and complaining only increases the punishment, so feel free!

If you clench your tush in anticipation of the next smack you will soon learn that I can wait until you relax. If you try to anticipate the rhythm or location of the next spank, I will be unpredictable in both speed, target and frequency.

The Conclusion

When a spanking is over, it's over. There may (or may not) be some corner time to let the lesson sink in. There might be a "cool down" hand spanking that gets lighter and lighter as time progresses. There will also be a period of intimate connection; you'll be held, comforted, soothed. I spank from a place of love and respect and connection, not from a place of anger.

We might cuddle, we might sit quietly and hold hands, we may even make love. If this is a disciplinary spanking, when it's over, it's over. You've been punished and we now move on. I don't hold on to whatever you did that earned you a trip over my knee. You did it, you were spanked for it, and it's now in the past.

To summarize

A proper spanking must be hard enough and long enough to make a lasting impression on you. You must know that you've been thoroughly and completely spanked. Your bottom will be red, and it will sting for a while. You must feel as though you've completely surrendered yourself to me and had no control over the process (while, at the same time, having complete trust that I am competent, honorable, and assertive). You will probably feel as though you can never take another spanking like this one, and yet, a while later, wonder what you have to do to get another one just like it.